you are a miracle;

you are a miracle
a tiny living being
birthed from nothing
but a single cell.

welcome to the world.

wave hello
and face the wonders
with a brave front.

times may be tough for you
but remember, you are strong.
you were born to live through the hardships
and overcome the obstacles
so that you can appreciate
the things that matter most.

home, love, and family
never take these for granted
and live to the fullest
because life is a precious gift
that you can live through only once.

goodbye 2009;

goodbye two thousand and nine
it was great to have you around
but it is now time to let you go.
less than twenty-four hours
you have to live
before you die forever.
i hope the memories you created
will hold dear to your heart
and never be forgotten.
remember the days
that we took for granted
and let them live on
in our souls
even after we depart this earth.
so, two thousand and nine
i salute you
and wish you the best of luck
on the journey into the books of history
and into the past.

afterwards;

She laid on her white bed, in her white room, with white walls. She tried to focus her eyes, but found it very difficult to do so. All she could see was not reality, but the world she could only ever dream about. She rolled over onto her side, staring at the clock at her bedside. Four in the afternoon. Ugh. Time did move by so very slow. How much longer?

As always her mind betrayed her, sending her into another world, the place that she held dear to her heart. How many years has it been? Five? Ten? She began to lose count after the first couple. Maybe it was seven. No, it was thirteen. Thirteen long years since that beautiful time. And she longed so dearly to return.

She could still smell the sweet grass, the ocean surrounding the place blue and clear as diamonds. She could still feel the steam on her face as she scrubbed the bathhouse, a novice, but hardworking. And she could still remember, oh how could she ever forget, his beautiful face, the warmth of his palms in her own. The heartbreaking separation necessary for the both of them.

Has he forgotten her? The promise they made to one day meet again? It felt like it, after all of these years. She couldn't remember why she had to leave in the first place. All she knew was that it was essential to her survival. And look where it got her - in a mental institute, courtesy of her parents because they believed she had finally lost it. Years of lounging in her room, staring out into the sky for hours, endless hours. She became withdrawn after that trip down the tunnel. They thought her changed for the better, but it instead became steadily worse, taking a 180-degree turn.

She closed her eyes for what seemed the millionth time, hoping to see a glance of him. She saw nothing but darkness behind her closed eyelids. She sighed for the millionth time. So instead, she lulled herself to sleep, for it was only in her dreams was she truly happy. Because she would be in the world she truly belonged. With him.

[inspiration: spirited away and love]

another long and sleepless night;

another long and sleepless night
that has graced me once again
uninvitingly invading the patterns of my brain
my circadian rhythms and cycles.
i am tired of these lonesome nights
and i wish instead to enter
the world of dreams
where my fantasies can play out.
sleep gods, where are you?
why are you ignoring my pleas
of much needed sleep?
i miss the rise of the morning sun
because i am knocked out
finally catching my sleep
at four in the morning.
i seem to waste half of my day
because i wake in the afternoon
or at least late morning.
i am tired of playing this game
i forfeit, i am far too old to compete
so can we please go to bed?

ugh, not again;

ugh, not again
i can feel it
another headache
waging war on my person
again.
painful aches pulsate relentlessly.
acetaminophen, ibuprofen
somebody, something
free me fro my agony.
i cannot bear it much longer
please
bring me to my sweet release
and let me sleep in peace.

i can hear the sweet lullabies;

i can hear the sweet lullabies
you whisper in my ears
so very softly.
i can feel your arms wrapped around me
your fingers dancing a symphony
spider-like on my palms.
i can see your closed eyes
at peace with the world
as i gently kiss your lips.
and i can still remember
when we were young and in love
so many years ago
a fire that never died.

aha;

aha!
like a light bulb switching on
realization has dawned
on her once again.
how could she have forgotten
all that was most important
in her life?
stupid and naive she was
but now has a new outlook
on the future.

on growing older;

older, i am becoming. it is hard to believe how fast these last few years has gone by. the end of the year is near, in only three more days. 2010 will mark the year i turn twenty-three. my god. i feel an ache deep in my chest when i think about birthdays and another year gone by. i sometimes wish to go back in time, start over, or at least stay forever young. if i could chose any one power, immortality would be mine. of course, there the people who i love will pass on without me, while i am stuck in limbo between life and death. but the wonders i could see, as i am quite interested in what the future holds. will we live in space, inhabit other worlds, conquer new galaxies? or will the thread of time be discovered and i could go back again and again to the point of origin?

but back to the topic at hand, the bane of humanity's existence: aging. growing older mentally and physically. childhood games we once played hold no significant meaning to us, any longer. we grow to enter the world of working men and women, to contribute to society. i don't wish to think about aging. i don't wish to think about the day i turn forty-five, for it frightens me a great deal. and i don't wish to think about the day when the ones i love most deeply succumb to the sweet darkness and release of death.

i am both excited and scared of growing older. maybe i am just missing a few screws in my head?

brrrr;

brrrr!
it is quite chilly outside
even if there is no snow
or icicles hanging from shingles.
but the breath becomes visible
as we laugh with friends
in the winter weather.
mittens and thick overcoats
become our signature look
to battle shivering bodies.
and when the snow does begin to fall
it will cast a white blanket on the world
creating a beautiful winter wonderland.

religion;

religion is a very touchy subject
many have been persecuted
martyrs in their own rights
for not following the beliefs
of their so-called superiors.
they all claim their faith is true
and redemption can only be achieved
through their path alone.
but is that so?
what if they all pray
to the same higher force, being?
does that not make them all true believers
or possibly all heretics
depending on the spectrum?
we are all people
with two arms, two legs
and one beating heart.
we are one of the most intellectually
and mental advanced species
that inhabit the earth today.
yet, we allow little thing called religion
stand before us
as a barrier to great things to come.

i am a literary warrior;

i am a literary warrior
armed only with my pen, paper
and imagination.

i can change the course of history
by manipulating a set of words.

it is my skill
with which i was proclaimed general
of my army of soldiers:
the genres battalion.

it is they who do my bidding
the ones who caress the minds
of the people who read them.

they bring up the feelings in my audience
of love lost
or angered betrayal
fueled by sarcasm or witty phrases.

we can control the thoughts and feelings
of our unsuspecting audience
because when they begin to read
they release a Pandora's box
and instigate a war on words.

cha cha cha;

cha cha cha
dance a tango
or a rondo with me.
the rhythm of our love
balanced
in perfect harmony.

torment me;

why do you continue to torment me?
it is getting quite old
and i am tired of it.
hah, although i cannot speak
about you and how you haunt me
because you are unaware
that you are even doing it.
whoops, i suppose it is all
in my head
my very own fantasy.

i want a unique name;

i want a unique name
something different
and beautiful.
quite unnerving
to have the same name
as many others out there
unoriginal.
and frustrating to never come first
in search engines.
who is this other girl?
that one, in alaska.
or the other one across
the other side of the world
in australia.
but i rest assured
that even if my name
is not unique
my person is.

call me;

call me
i'm on the other line
waiting to hear your voice
again and again.

i am a listening ear
a vessel for your troubles
and jubilant happenings.

you aren't going to call
are you?
it figures
as you never called
before.

conversation takes two
but this was always
a one-line call.

reckless;

reckless
and stupid i once was.
never again will i make
that mistake
again.

simply not worth it.

money brings headache;

i wish i could be a child again
or at least a few years younger
where i didn't know the troubles
that money could bring
or lack of.
maybe it's selfish of me
to want to forget it
but i have never felt as stressed
as i am now.
i hate the fact that money
is the central point of life
without it
we starve
with it
we cannot appreciate what we have.
having to look into the u.s. military
to fund my schooling
and alleviate the stress
of day-to-day living.
i pray for a miracle
megamillions, anyone?
not to buy the fancy house
and the sleek cars
with designer commodities.
no, to know that i have a place to live
without having to worry
if we will lose everything
we have worked so hard for.

i am afraid of you sometimes, you know;

i am afraid you sometimes, you know
you are the epitome of perfect
something that i can never be.
but maybe that is a good thing
for while i have my faults
i can grow
while you are stuck in space
neither moving backward nor forward.

do you remember the last time;

do you remember the last time
that we held hands
and kissed passionately?
wherever did those days disappear
days spent basking the sun
deciphering the pictures in the clouds
wishing for the sunset to never come.
have you purged those memories from your mind
abandoned on a greyhound to nowhere
a train with no destination.
it seems only yesterday
we were caught in a fervent embrace
and like a jigsaw puzzle
we fit perfectly.
but it is evident that all good things
must come to an end
as love is never
forever.

let us throw our troubles;

let us throw our troubles
to the wind
and escape to a world
that fulfills our fantasies.

there can be another reality
that awaits us
if we only learn to let go
and leave the past behind.

have you forgotten your imagination
have you forgotten them all?

close your eyes
hold your breath
and with a leap of faith
dive into the adventure
of the unknown.

scribbles #4

she flushed a bright pink
like a fever that coursed
through her body.
the beginnings of sweet
puppy love.

i have dreamed about you;

i have dreamed about you
on several occasions
and i feel like a school girl
all over again
experiencing teenage crushes.
i already know that we will never be
simply because we are probably
incompatible.
so all i can do
is keep my composure
and interact with you normally
wanting you from afar
as i have always done.

love;

i remember the days of childhood
of being immersed in fairy tales
fantastical worlds of knights and dragons
and of course prince and princesses.

and like every other girl
i have dreamed of my prince charming
the man who would sweep me off my feet
and carry me away to his kingdom
far, far away, once upon a time.

but i know that fairy tale dreams
rarely come true
or at least not like stories.
but there is love out there
that although it is not how we dreamed of
but still surpasses our wildest imaginations.

relationships i have had
here and there
but nothing of substantial meaning.
and i hope to one day find that love
a love like no other
that was meant just for me.

sometimes, i just want to let go;

sometimes, i just want to let go
leave everything i know behind
and embark on a new journey
with no limitations or inhibitions.

we are born with the greatest gift of all
and we spend it slaving away laboriously
to obtain that perfect future
of a career, family, and a home
with a white picket fence.

i want to die with the memories
of all the adventures and places
i have yet to see.

i am ready for a change
i am ready to disappear
to the dense amazon rainforest
or to the arctic glaciers of the poles.

life is lived only once
and i want to make worthwhile
and the best.

human trafficking;

she sat on the hard, cold ground
feet close together
her arms wrapped around her shivering legs.
the sound of fear cloaked her body
the screams and landing punches
reverberating in her ears.

she whispered a mantra
over and over again
trying to block out the horrible reality
hoping to wake up from a dream.

a carefree trip this was supposed to be
but instead she was coerced to another world.
the things she would see, they said
if she would only join their tour.

the biggest mistake of her life.

the cries of unreciprocated sex
seeped from the other room
into her own.
involuntary muscle twitches
shook her figure violently
as she knew it would not be long
before she was next
an unwilling prostitute.

it was something that never crossed her thought
human trafficking.
she never believed this form of slavery existed
in the world today
an underground criminal franchise
where profit exceeds millions
as do captives.

all she could do now
was close her eyes
accept her fate
and hope someone would come
and rescue her.

why should i bother with you;

why should i bother with you
it's over, it's done
i'm through.

i tried, i really did
but you didn't see it
and i'm tired of playing games
with you, over and over.

call me a bitch
but you started it.
i did all i could
but you seemed to not even care
at all.

every morning she squints her eyes;

every morning she squints her eyes
against the harsh morning light
and drags herself out of bed
to her vanity table.

with dark circles under her eyes
she beings to put on her face
painting a portrait she does not recognize
anymore.

when did this all begin, again
and again she wonders
for the umpteenth time it seems.

she combs the long blonde hair
illuminated with imaginary luster
that was never hers to begin with.

she stares at the perfect, smiling face
beaming before her
her unknown reflection.

this beautiful stranger in the mirror
was the masterpiece of many years, many dollars
and many surgeries
all for the desire to be perfect.

and perfect she did become
stopping the hearts of men
and traffic alike.

but was it all worth it?
she lost many
and gained little.
women hated her
men wanted her.

to personify society's definition of beauty
was something coveted.
but it came with a price
and she gave up the most important feature of her person:
her individuality.

death;

death
is the inevitable
the last milestone to life.

but to die young
as children
is a devastating and unfair
predicament.

life is precious
and only given once.
to have only a few, beautiful years
under the belt
is heart-wrenching
and no child should have to face that fate.

childhood dreams;

what did happen
to those memories
of childhood days
filled with heroic dreams
and stuffed animals.

have we forgotten the foundation
of our present existence?
our personalities are built upon
our childhood
and the imaginary games we played
once upon a time.

as we grow up
we put behind our kindergarden treasures
of pet rocks and magical lands
trying so very hard
to be grown-up.

and now, we have hit that pinnacle
of being a "grown-up".
we have graduated from our silly games
that we used to play
on the playground.
we are now in the real world
working, with careers
no longer in a fantasy land
but facing the responsibilities
of a game called life.

where have those days gone
the memories we lived for.
a thousand pictures i can imagine
for a single word: childhood.

it seems we have all but forgotten
the most precious things
like colorful stickers
or the sixty-four pack of crayons
that served as collateral
in childhood gambles.

for me, the highlight of my childhood
was almost fourteen years ago
where life-defining play
left a mark on my heart.
and i frequently relive those memories
of playing "magic"
climbing trees
and a sleepover game.
such a short period of time, three years
but they were one of the best
of my childhood.

you are the red to my wine;

you are the red to my wine
the breeze to my summer nights
and the sun of my brightest afternoons.
like iced tea, we go hand in hand
together.

in the cold of winter
you and i fall downward
dancing a fairy tale dream
as snowflakes raining from the sky.

we are but two individuals
alone, although together
even in the bustling mall
in the frenzy of holiday shopping.

it is cold now outside;

it is cold now outside
and she sits by the fireplace
that glows no flame
beside the dilapidated christmas tree
that would bring no joy that night.

the melancholic look in her eyes
is enough to scare the ghosts
of christmas past, present, and future
from knocking on her door.

alone she felt
like the lonely stars in the sky
whose feeble glow
attracts no one.

there was nothing in her heart
that she so desired.
an empty hole
beating endlessly
to the tune of lost time.

and so she continued to sit
looking out the glass windows
watching for the sun, over the mountain peaks
the sun that would never rise nor shine
even in her darkest of days.

You may have thought;

You may have thought
I had forgotten the memories
That I was far too young
To remember
That I was only
A child.

But, you are wrong
I remember the intricate details
Like the back of my hand.
Granted, I may not have remembered
Everything
But what I do remember
Is etched deep in the synapses
Of my brain.

There were memories that were good
And then the ones that were bad
That terrified me
And made my cringe from you.

Some things are best left buried
Deep in my chest
But those are the things
That may have made me stronger
And the person who I am today.

scribbles #3

Geometric shades of gray
the design of my life
dominates my sun.

she should have known;

she should have known
that forever wouldn't last
as long as she had hoped.
foolish, childish dreams
girlhood fantasies
were all they were meant
to be.
betrayal brutally stabbed her hard
and she cried waves of tears
that cascaded down her pink cheeks.
she felt like a thoughtless girl
reading between the lines
that never existed at all.
so she packed her bags
and set off on a new journey
to forget about the past
and the years she wasted there.
eventually, she found joy and happiness
once again.
her broken heart and shattered soul
mended, slowly but surely.
and she was able to move on
surrounding herself with the good in life.
and never again would she experience
that painful, throbbing ache in her chest.

Take my hand, he said;

Take my hand, he said
I will guide you, protect you;
Your ears will never hear harsh words
And your eyes will never cry tears
This I will promise.
And so she let him take her
Over the mountainous peaks
Across the galactic seas
And into the starry skies
Into another galaxy.
New and unusual things she did see
Under his watchful gaze
Never allowing her to stray
Keeping her close as prey.
And never did he break his promise to her
For many years to come
Loved and wanted she felt
As he did in turn.
Memories together they created
Pure as the hearts beating in their chests
And as rare as diamonds and emeralds.
Two souls and two fates
Intertwined by the will of destiny
Always to linger
For eternity.

the end was near;

the end was near
and she saw the light
at the end of the tunnel
comforting and bright.
it opened up wide
wanting to swallow her whole
to forever keep her near, and safe.

scribbles #2

thank you
it is over
the long nights spent
cramming.

quit playing games;

quit playing games
let's put it on the back burner
hidden behind forgotten boxes
and moth eaten clothes.
old jokes have become stale
collecting dust
on imaginary punch lines.
so let's put it on the back burner
lost among a bucket of marbles
between nineteenth century paintings
and your great-grandmother's
worthless - or is it priceless - heirlooms.

beauty;

beauty
only skin deep?
look at her mind and see
strength, poise, potential, brilliance, and
promise.

i'm spiraling downward;

i'm spiraling downward
completely out of control
with no way to halt
my momentum, my roll.
which is up and which is down
it's all the same around me
inability to differentiate
lost in a sea of colorless scenery.
onward and onward
an endless fall from eternity
no rest stops on the way
a sightless journey.

a christmas ornament;

a christmas ornament
he held in his hand
his face reflecting
in the vibrant green.
but then
he squeezed too tight
and it shattered
the shards stained crimson
like my heart.

so, i should be studying;

so, i should be studying
for final exams
this week.
but my mind refuses
to cooperate.
it's filled with nonsensical musings
completely unrelated
to nursing.
it's filled with dinner parties
christmas lights
and sleep.
i have less than twenty-four hours
until my first exam
for which i have not cracked open
the books.
i am completely
and utterly over this semester.
i do not wish to think about the multiple
drugs
that i must memorize
or diabetic insulin peaks.
granted, it is important
but i am simply
over it.

She danced gracefully;

She danced gracefully
Nimble on her tiny feet
With perfectly pointed toes.
She danced a symphony
Not guided by music
But by her heart
And the beats of her life.

Alone in her fairy tale world
Existing only in her mind
She flew across the stage
Fulfilling girlhood dreams.
She danced to the 3/4 beat
Faster, faster
Then slower, slower
Coming to an achingly slow stop.

She paused, breathing heavily
Perspiration beading her forehead
From the many hours of practicing
Nonstop.
A little ballerina
Running on auto
And Energizer it seems.

The dance consumed her very soul
A cascade of thoughts that ran in tune
In the only place where she was free
And uninhibited.
Where her dreams became reality
Where broken hopes were revived
But sadly, only in her mind
For this crippled prodigy.

scribbles #1

there was something brilliant in her eyes
a passion that burned
not with fire but with love.

there was something sinister in his eyes
a passion that burned
not with fire, but with corruption.

there was something tragic in their eyes
a passion that burned
not with fire, but with despair.

and just a dream;

there was a dream in which i felt fear and sadness. it was a corruption of my feelings, and something i would never wish for. two young girls, killed in a park by wild wolves. i remember being there, watching, helpless, and unable to stop the scenario before me. but then the scene shifted, the light of death fading from my vision.

i was sitting in a room, alone with another woman. i asked her if the funeral had already taken place. she said yes. it was at that moment that i felt the greatest sadness towards the two children. i would never see their shining smiles, their bright faces, or their beautiful laughs. i remember holding the youngest when she was an infant, new to the world. and so very few years she had before she was brutally taken away.

i awoke, and still felt the sadness that lingered, over my heavy heart. but with awakening came relief, knowing that dire fate was merely a dream. and just a dream it would remain.

i was in a dream once again;

i was in a dream once again
and you were there, beside me.
we held hands as we walked
along a deserted path
in the park.

we wandered aimlessly
for what seemed like hours
though, it may have been
merely minutes.

there was a lake
to which we drew near
seeing the calm water
absent of ripples.

and then, you were gone.
where did you go?
were you a figment of my imagination
just a dream, a coveted desire.

unfulfilled you left me
haunted
by the brief memories.

come meet me at the horizon;

come meet me at the horizon
where the sky touches the ocean
a thin line
barely discernible.
we'll dance on the beach
leaving footprints in the sand
as they blow away in the wind.

come meet me at the coffee shop
and we'll muse over hot coffee
about everything that comes to mind
the memories that will eventually fade.

come meet me in the middle of nowhere
with the mountains as our natural backdrop
giggling, frolicking in the
dandelion and sunflower covered
open plains.

come meet me in the jungle
where we'll run and hide from elephants
and spy on tigers lying in trees
holding our breaths
enchanted and free.

come meet me at the end of time
where we will relish our existence
of the past, the history
that will forever go on
in our hearts.

i feel the raindrops fall;

i feel the raindrops fall
like the tears of forgotten memories
lost in the continuum of time
a million years into the past.

an infinity, the universe will age
until a cosmic catastrophe
will plunge it out of
existence.

deciphering ancient hieroglyphics
leads us to
stories untold and riddles unsolved
history lost
gone forevermore.

time is linear
or so we assume.
are there other branches
of what ifs and alternate worlds
universes closely parallel to our own
yet so very different.
does the butterfly effect exist
and has it changed history?

can we change the world?
or are we controlled?

our thoughts and feelings:
are they our own?
because science suggests
that chemical receptors
are at the core of our mental processes.
and disrupted pathways between brain lobes
can alter our personality.

who are we to say
that the world is the way it is
computed by complicated
mathematical formulas
and scientific research.
perhaps we do not control the world.
perhaps all its phenomena
are the works of a higher being
unseen by the naked, feeble human eye
and instead must be discovered
through heart and soul.

and is there life after death
is there a heaven, hell, limbo
or nothing?
are we celestial beings in human forms
or will we fade into the backdrop of time
as minute dust particles
of minor significance?

questions always asked
but never answered.
mysteries that can not be explained
but only theorized.
that is the world we inhabit.

death, the dying, and the screams;

death, the dying, and the screams
is all that he hears
all that reverberates
in his mind.
the flashing images
like a horror film
up on the big screen
plays on repeat.
so much pain and torment
plagues his aging mind.
when will it stop
when will the memories
be erased
and cease to exist?

even after twenty five years
he can still see the fear
in the eyes of his soldiers.
they were young, children at heart
still wanting to be under their mother's wings
not prepared for the reality of war.

oh, a little fun
and games
they thought.
we'll play with the big toys
and be real men.

they never realized the gravity of the situation
until they fell
with bullets ravishing their bodies
and blood painting the dirt ground crimson.

over and over again, year after year
he wished he could turn back time
to tell the young generation
that war is not a rite of passage
that the battlefield will become their graveyard
and their ghosts will forever wander.

is it really worth it;

is it really worth it
to give up everything that is most important
for the cars, designer handbags
the red carpet, and fame.
to be recorded in history
is truly a remarkable feat
where people will know
of your name
for generations to come.
but, again, is it worth it
giving up your privacy
having photographers hot on your trail
staking out at your home.
always having to double check yourself
do you look pleasant, perfect?
a grumpy, sad, or angry photograph
can give rise to vicious rumors
in the tabloids.
so is money and fame more important
than your dignity, your privacy?
where relationships and marriages
and cheating lovers
are the entertainments to the world.
is it worth it
and will you be happy
genuinely happy?


[source: clevelandleader.com]