heaven's eternity;

watching the world from above
the people going on with their daily lives
so close and yet so far away
almost able to touch them
but considered nonexistent.

all those years gone
the future she never had
the first kiss she would always miss
children and grandchildren she would never see.

stolen forever
lost in time
just a memory in the past
of a history spanning millions
just a drop in the ocean
a lonely star in the universe.

she never did choose this path
it just happened
out of her control
instigated by the one person nobody would suspect
until the end.

but in her little world
though separated from all she loved
peace and happiness was found
a calm serenity that envelops her
where no harm could triumph.

in her little heaven she could spend eternity.

stoplight;

stoplight
with blinking colors
red, yellow, green
the staple for the road
like christmas tree lights
twinkling in the night.

i want to kiss your lips;

i want to kiss your lips
and memorize the contours of your face
every sparkle in your eye
every freckle on your nose
so that i won't forget until the day i die.

constant reassurance;

i'm sorry to keep on asking
but it's a need for constant reassurance
to know that i am doing the right thing
that i haven't screwed up somewhere along the way.

but the decisions that i make
are they really the best ones?
or were there better ones hidden away
obscure but plain as day?

i can't help it
maybe it's an underlying psychiatric disorder
that prompts me to question as i do
to second guess myself time and time again
and pray fervently that it was the right choice.

a step;

it's a step that's hard to take
the first one out of the comfort zone
to discover the unknown
and pave a new yellow-brick road.

downsize;

it's just a downsize
but it feels like ripping at the soul
it's falling into place
but without feeling that ache.

always replaceable later on
but in the present
feeling empty.

down the drain it seems to go
dragging along the memories
until they disappear from sight
to only be relived in the mind.

gotta look forward to the future
and rebuild it once again.

alone;

she sits there
in a room full of people
friends, acquaintances and strangers
but they are just a blur.

outside, she appears nonchalant
cool, calm, and normal
but inside
no one can see the turmoil
she screaming, crying, dying
she's banging on the walls of her prison
and no one can hear her.

for months it rages on
but the origin she knows not
only that it haunts her
sending her to the very edge of her sanity.
self-manipulation brings comfort
if only for a moment
for just a little while.

but she is a coward
as she cannot take that first step
to descend downward to empty oblivion.

but still no one hears
not even those whom she holds dear
no one, no one

she suffers alone.

autumn;

the presence of autumn has finally arrived
the cool crisp breeze cuts through welcomingly
the crunching of colorful leaves beneath our feet
like music to the soul.

the pumpkin patches spring
apple cinnamon cider
and all the memories from years ago
begin to come to life once more.

the days get shorter, cooler
the nights get longer, colder
tree covered mountains boast
a rainbow that lasts the season.

this is the perfect intermission
between hot summer days and cold winter nights
the just-right weather for a light sweater
where pleasant daydreams are the staple.

hope, dream;

to hope and to dream
of many things that could never by
and everything that is
right here, right now.

we hopelessly lose ourselves in daydreams
trying to work out the universe we live in
so much that we spiral out of control
and lose touch on what is real.

we have to put away the dreams of our hopes
fantasy can only go so far before reality kicks in
the present is what we must live for
so that we can look forward to our future.

just live;

such a coward
can't even take the final plunge
stupid, idiotic fascinations
but can't even pursue.

so what's the point
don't even think about it
if you are so scared
why bother dreaming?

just relax and enjoy
don't end it too quick
it isn't worth it
just live.

we walked on clouds;

we walked on clouds
once upon a time
catching shooting stars
stopping them in midair
as they flew us by.

we watched the world beneath us
miniscule life forms to us
but everything to them.

we danced on the moon
saturn too
relishing our private playground
with the sun and black holes as our backdrop.

and at the end of the day
we curled up to sleep
cocooned in our very own star
to brightly shine upon the world at night.

lost thoughts;

i can't remember what i wanted to say
my thoughts have grown wings and flown away
i try to recall that single thought
hidden, obscure and completely lost.

it's an awkward moment
a pregnant pause to cement
engraved forever in time
where did it go, come let it shine.

thirteen fourteen years ago;

thirteen almost fourteen years ago
but i would like to say
forgive her, she couldn't understand
she was trying to live the day by day.

maybe something could have blossomed
but the time she could not sacrifice
the need to survive so instilled
that was enough to suffice.

in retrospect i reflect
perhaps you would have been good
things may have progressed further
had she not be so focused on home and food.

i hope the years have been kind to you
as you were to us long ago
i wish you well on the rest of your life
though what i write, you will never know.

thank you;

thank you for the freedom
thank you for the break of ties
thank you for the divorce
i think i came out just fine.

you chose your path
and maybe i became a stronger person
a better person than i could have been
had you stuck around longer.

yes times were hard
so many things i want to say
but may it be a peace of mind
that i never did stray.