I gaze into your beautiful eyes

I gaze into your beautiful eyes
As you glance up to me
Fragile and completely dependent.
The lovely curls that adorn your crown
Brushing gently against tiny ears
So soft as silk and precious as life.
The smooth dark skin upon your plump cheeks
An abrupt contrast to my own light skin
Pale as the moon against your chocolate hue.
The gurgles and coos that escape your lips
Ring like sweet music in my ears
A wonderful symphony.
I press my lips to your forehead
Kissing you ever so gently
Breathing in the scent of baby milk
and freshly laundered clothing.
You are most definitely not a product of my womb
You are most definitely not in possession of my genes
But nonetheless you are my own.
A mere number to the adoption agency
But a son born from my heart.

I have come to realize

I have come to realize
That I stress over the small things
When my energy should be directed
To something worthwhile ---
Something that has a greater significance.
Too many times I have overworked myself
Too many times I have overlooked that which is most important
Unable to clearly see the path before me
Blinded by preoccupations
And falling far behind.
Please, oh please
Help me avoid any eternally damaging mistakes
Help me avoid actions that may lead to regret
And a dull, aching heart.
I must learn how to curb my reverie
And focus on the task at hand;
I must learn to curb my passionate fury
And let bygones be bygones;
But most of all I need to learn to believe ---
Believe in myself and believe in others
For my perspective is not the only one present
But a combination of them all
Will lead to a greater outcome
Far beyond the mind of one;
And these issues and dire incidents in humanity
May possibly be eradicated
And open up a new world for us all.

A fist of anger

A fist of anger
That stirs at the bottom of my stomach
Frowning upon the perpetrator
That dares to threaten a peace.
Almost contradictory
This threat seems to submit
To the element that means no harm
But simply looking for life's pleasures.
Put it into terms of you and I
And I simply do not understand
Why every sign I see
Is met with disapproval and scorn
When I will not befall the same mistakes
That you claim to have made many years prior.
Trust me when I say this:
That I will not let myself falter and fail
That I will rise above the pits of Hell
And find my own way, on my own terms.
Allow me this simple pleasure
Of which you have always pushed aside
That ended beautiful things
That might have been.
Two that have meant something to me
Two that did not have the slightest infliction
But another one that is hanging by a thread
About to tumble over the edge
Forever lost in the foam of the sea.
Why do you hinder me
Why do you wish to control me
When I need to live my life.
As much as I love you, I despise you;
It hurts me to do so, but it hurts me more
Especially when you jump to conclusions.
Secrets I have sometimes had to hide
Because of knowing your reactions;
And when I do come out into the light
You come back with subtle yet vicious vengeance.
Please forgive me
For I will go against your wishes
Because I already understand
That there will never be a time when you will accept my decision.

a life spiraling out of control

a life spiraling out of control
unable to get a firm grip
on the steering wheel of life.
deadpan electric whispers
that reverberates through my being
my soul captivated by this darkness.
hush, hush
a mother's soothing voice
that calms these nerves of mine
to better see the world.
no longer hyperventilating
heart rate coming back to a normal pace;
pumping steadily
slowly
as a peaceful calm settles over my thoughts.

Running, running

Running, running
Feel the adrenaline pumping
though the miles of veins and arteries
within me.
A heavy breathing
That lets me know that I am alive
Sprinting across the open field
and through the wildflowers.
The radiating sunshine
Coats the world in light
to bring forth a calm
With the wind tumbling the leaves about.
The debut of spring
marks the opening of a new season
filled with so much beauty,
an introduction to life.
Running, running
Through the fields and across the brook
Having no destination
But simply being free.

This sad revelation

This sad revelation
Of how quickly the world can change;
One minute, ecstatically engaged
And then the next, abrupt disconnection.
How did we get to this position
Where awkward conversations
begin to stir
And every thing takes a turn for the worst.
Mind blanked out
Absolutely confused
At this hectic state of mind
That offers no relief.

It is time to let go

It is time to let it go
It is time to say goodbye
Another chapter in my life
Opening another door
For something I can hope
To hold dear and adore.
An aching heart I leave
When I said farewell
To your nervous pleas
Of which I could not answer
Draining down this empty sewer.
But understand I care
Much more than I can say
So this goodbye will be so hard to bear
But in my heart you will always stay.
Put it all away
Store it in a box
All these precious memories
That I can no longer face;
Let it all fade into this backdrop
That is called life.

I am wishing you were here

I am wishing you were here
That the sky would unfold
And drop you by the stream
Where I first met you.

I am wishing you were here
For many nights have been spent alone
Cold sheets that chill my bones
As clear as the day you left.

I am wishing you were here
To comfort me in my time of need
To brush away these burning tears
As every memory of you passes through my mind.

I am wishing you were here
Praying a thousand times over
To any God or Goddess that will listen
And hopefully answer my pleading screams.

I am wishing you were here
So many things I wish I could say
Of which I regret never speaking
Knowing that is now forever too late.

I am wishing you were here
Standing in the moonlight
Looking ever so elegant and serene
Dancing weightlessly on that beautiful stream.

I am wishing you were here once again
That death would surrender you into my arms
So that these sleepless nights no longer plague me
And you at my side for all eternity.

Lost in a world of confusion

Lost in an world of confusion
A twisted love
A torrent of lies
What truly does my heart say.
Flirtatious comments
Harmless and fun
But possibly, unwillingly alluring.
Mind is racing
Neurons of the brain working fervently
To untangle this mass of the unknown
Trying to unlock the answer that lies hidden.
Absolutely having not a clue
No idea of what to say or act
Give me a sign, give me a reason
Give me something that solves all my problems.