time;

time

is quite depressing, really

it never stops

it's a linear pathway

infinite.

i used to be able to count the years

that i have been alive

all on one hand

then two

and now i no longer have enough.

i see how old i will be

in the years in the future

and i am fearful of aging

i don't want to grow old

i want to stay young

forever.

getting older

means the ones i love

are aging as well.

and being organic organisms

we are not eternal

and we cannot live forever.

we must die and disappear from the earth

to make way for future generations

so that they may have a chance to live.

but i am still selfish

if there is an after life

i wish to remain here on earth

even as a ghost

so that i may be part of this world

despite no physical attachments.

but that sentiment too

is wishful thinking

and even if it were to be my destiny

it would be filled with sorrow

longing and resentment

of watching the young and healthy

the old and wise, alive

knowing that i can never truly be a part

when i am long dead.