a rolling spasm in my chest
waving out a guilty speck
no, no
i am not guilty
i am not in the wrong
i know it
attitudes and presentations
first impressions
and angry words
it's creeping up, up, up
from my chest
sloughing up my esophagus
squash it down because i am not wrong
i did nothing wrong
but you've made me like this
twisting a one-eighty
with the gun pointed at me
so you think you've won
maybe you have
so you think you're high and mighty
but you are not
you are not better than me
because i was right
honest and true
dishonest practice;
so angry, trying to fight it
to hold the tears at bay
and failing miserably.
cheated and lied to
in the wrong, i think not
but people will still
have their way.
unjust, unfair
a stressor unnecessary
frustrated beyond words
and exhausted.
take it, take it all
take all your dishonest practice wants
don't tell me to not talk to you like that
i'll talk how i want
when you are the one that drive me
to the edge.
to hold the tears at bay
and failing miserably.
cheated and lied to
in the wrong, i think not
but people will still
have their way.
unjust, unfair
a stressor unnecessary
frustrated beyond words
and exhausted.
take it, take it all
take all your dishonest practice wants
don't tell me to not talk to you like that
i'll talk how i want
when you are the one that drive me
to the edge.
skinny little girl;
skinny little girl
in her skinny little dress
black of course, little black dress
double zeros on the tag.
a look in the mirror shows the fatigue
on her face, dark circles under her eyes
the stress of keeping up with the norms
and the fads that determine beauty.
sunken eyes stare back at her
the little ribs poking from her sides
underwear barely clinging on her bony hips
and an empty bra stuffed with socks
like she once did with mommy's things
as a child so many years ago.
the brittle hair on her head
once the fame and glory of her world
now dull and lifeless
like the eyes that count the calories
and the hours she ran, ran, ran
ran the pounds down until
nothing was left.
all she wanted was to be beautiful
to be like the super models on the runway
catwalking their designer clothes
so proud, so powerful
so deadly an illusion can be.
she was a radiant girl full of health
the girl of every boy's dream
but oblivious she was
to their desperate attempts to woo her.
her mind was always elsewhere
always preoccupied with food, exercise, and image.
she wilted away from the world
and as the pounds melted
her obsession grew
seemingly sucking up the falling weight.
and she was determined, oh so determined
to fortify her dreams of becoming the ideal
the distorted reality becoming the center of her universe.
she pinched the nonexistent flab
the muffin top she saw so clearly in her head
and she began to formulate a plan
to start another day's worth
of shedding her skin.
in her skinny little dress
black of course, little black dress
double zeros on the tag.
a look in the mirror shows the fatigue
on her face, dark circles under her eyes
the stress of keeping up with the norms
and the fads that determine beauty.
sunken eyes stare back at her
the little ribs poking from her sides
underwear barely clinging on her bony hips
and an empty bra stuffed with socks
like she once did with mommy's things
as a child so many years ago.
the brittle hair on her head
once the fame and glory of her world
now dull and lifeless
like the eyes that count the calories
and the hours she ran, ran, ran
ran the pounds down until
nothing was left.
all she wanted was to be beautiful
to be like the super models on the runway
catwalking their designer clothes
so proud, so powerful
so deadly an illusion can be.
she was a radiant girl full of health
the girl of every boy's dream
but oblivious she was
to their desperate attempts to woo her.
her mind was always elsewhere
always preoccupied with food, exercise, and image.
she wilted away from the world
and as the pounds melted
her obsession grew
seemingly sucking up the falling weight.
and she was determined, oh so determined
to fortify her dreams of becoming the ideal
the distorted reality becoming the center of her universe.
she pinched the nonexistent flab
the muffin top she saw so clearly in her head
and she began to formulate a plan
to start another day's worth
of shedding her skin.
she wants;
she wants you to tell her she is beautiful
not hot, sexy or a babe
she wants you to tell her she is passionate
not wild, a party child or an attention-seeker
she wants you to tell her she is a lover
not a quick fix or a skank in bed
she wants for nothing more than to share everything
without you seeing her as a one-night stand
not hot, sexy or a babe
she wants you to tell her she is passionate
not wild, a party child or an attention-seeker
she wants you to tell her she is a lover
not a quick fix or a skank in bed
she wants for nothing more than to share everything
without you seeing her as a one-night stand
wake up world, the sun is rising;
wake up world, the sun is rising
the breaking of a new dawn is coming
the day is beginning
wash away the dreams
chase away the nightmares
open your eyes to a clean slate
to sketch the rest of your day
every day is a new one
an empty canvas just waiting to be painted
by the artist who lives it
beginning at the break of dawn.
the breaking of a new dawn is coming
the day is beginning
wash away the dreams
chase away the nightmares
open your eyes to a clean slate
to sketch the rest of your day
every day is a new one
an empty canvas just waiting to be painted
by the artist who lives it
beginning at the break of dawn.
parasitic leech;
it's like a snake
slithering in my soul
invading my deepest secrets
it hunts and preys
on the darkest of memories
hoping to bring out
the worst in me.
most definitely not a friend
truly a foe at heart
picking at the broken slivers
finding the buttons to push
to drive me to the edge.
get out, get out
it is not wanted
i try so desperately to banish it
from the depths from which it came.
but it refuses to leave
a parasitic leech
with a hunger so deep
all i can do i try to keep it concealed
before it ruins everything.
slithering in my soul
invading my deepest secrets
it hunts and preys
on the darkest of memories
hoping to bring out
the worst in me.
most definitely not a friend
truly a foe at heart
picking at the broken slivers
finding the buttons to push
to drive me to the edge.
get out, get out
it is not wanted
i try so desperately to banish it
from the depths from which it came.
but it refuses to leave
a parasitic leech
with a hunger so deep
all i can do i try to keep it concealed
before it ruins everything.
box of treasures;
a box of treasures hidden under the bed
tucked away and long forgotten
keeping its solitude until the time was right
to take a look inside
is to take a walk down memory lane
a photo or two, here and there
small mementos to you from them
some things in that treasure box
hard to remember where the came from
and even harder
why they are there
the many years from childhood to adulthood
and everything in between
led to the present
shaping you into who you are today
all the secrets deep inside
you carry them to your dying day
the box of treasures you hold dear
to follow you into the afterlife.
tucked away and long forgotten
keeping its solitude until the time was right
to take a look inside
is to take a walk down memory lane
a photo or two, here and there
small mementos to you from them
some things in that treasure box
hard to remember where the came from
and even harder
why they are there
the many years from childhood to adulthood
and everything in between
led to the present
shaping you into who you are today
all the secrets deep inside
you carry them to your dying day
the box of treasures you hold dear
to follow you into the afterlife.
beachy escape;
the beach
i need it, i crave it
a solitude escape
from the reality
that gives nothing
but headaches.
a mini-vacation
a hot-spot i seek
to replenish
my bruised soul
bared down to the ground.
a little 'away time'
for me, myself, and i
a trio of one
to reconnect with one another.
i need this, i want this
to relax, to play, to bask in the sun
and forget about everything
to focus on me.
i need it, i crave it
a solitude escape
from the reality
that gives nothing
but headaches.
a mini-vacation
a hot-spot i seek
to replenish
my bruised soul
bared down to the ground.
a little 'away time'
for me, myself, and i
a trio of one
to reconnect with one another.
i need this, i want this
to relax, to play, to bask in the sun
and forget about everything
to focus on me.
maybe it's just me;
a lot happens spontaneously
in the span of ten years.
amazing, this revelation
of what once was
and now is.
am i missing something here
i feel lost, my compass of life gone
somewhere in the depths of the sea.
am i slow, perhaps, biologically
for i am still single, and not a mother
though many i know
are on that path
with several under their belts
literally.
our childhood days are no longer present
we've left it all behind in the past
and shut the door, lock and key
either things really have changed
or maybe it's just me.
in the span of ten years.
amazing, this revelation
of what once was
and now is.
am i missing something here
i feel lost, my compass of life gone
somewhere in the depths of the sea.
am i slow, perhaps, biologically
for i am still single, and not a mother
though many i know
are on that path
with several under their belts
literally.
our childhood days are no longer present
we've left it all behind in the past
and shut the door, lock and key
either things really have changed
or maybe it's just me.
a thousand nights;
a thousand nights spent lying under the stars
just you and i, alone, together
synonymously in tune.
the matching beating of our hearts
a sinus rhythm
tick-tock, tick-tock
ba-dum, ba-dum
the pounding of drums
in our ears.
a deep breath and a long sigh
the only sounds amongst our screaming thoughts
audible by only us, alone
and no one else.
the stars twinkle high above us
as if winking at our jubilant charade
although no expression graces our faces
except for a tiny smile.
the stillness around us, except for nature
is a beautiful awakening
as we are the only ones in our world
making memories in quiet companionship.
just you and i, alone, together
synonymously in tune.
the matching beating of our hearts
a sinus rhythm
tick-tock, tick-tock
ba-dum, ba-dum
the pounding of drums
in our ears.
a deep breath and a long sigh
the only sounds amongst our screaming thoughts
audible by only us, alone
and no one else.
the stars twinkle high above us
as if winking at our jubilant charade
although no expression graces our faces
except for a tiny smile.
the stillness around us, except for nature
is a beautiful awakening
as we are the only ones in our world
making memories in quiet companionship.
the best friend's silence;
i'll keep my silence
i won't say a word
i'll the best friend
and watch from the sidelines
as i have for a hundred years.
i don't mind it at all
not at all, as you will never know.
i'll be your supporting rock
the anchor that binds you
so close and yet so far.
and when your heart is torn
the pieces shattered all around
i will lift you from the ground
pull you up, dust your knees
plant a kiss on your forehead
and tell you everything will be okay.
and in return i'll ask for nothing more
than for your love and respect
your understanding of my turmoil
of seeing you in another's embrace
time and time again.
and i pray for the day
that you will maybe see me
as something more
than a shoulder for your head to lay.
i won't say a word
i'll the best friend
and watch from the sidelines
as i have for a hundred years.
i don't mind it at all
not at all, as you will never know.
i'll be your supporting rock
the anchor that binds you
so close and yet so far.
and when your heart is torn
the pieces shattered all around
i will lift you from the ground
pull you up, dust your knees
plant a kiss on your forehead
and tell you everything will be okay.
and in return i'll ask for nothing more
than for your love and respect
your understanding of my turmoil
of seeing you in another's embrace
time and time again.
and i pray for the day
that you will maybe see me
as something more
than a shoulder for your head to lay.
temptation;
i told myself i wasn't
nope, wasn't going to do that
no, no, no
i will not succumb.
oh, there i went
i did it, what i said i wouldn't
i let myself fall
into temptation.
how to get out of it now?
maybe, it will be okay
in the end, maybe it will work itself out?
have i dug a hole that i cannot climb from
have i lost the meaning to all of this
have i lost sight
has it disappeared?
no, it will be okay
i have to believe
that things will set its course
in the right direction.
after all, it always does
doesn't it?
nope, wasn't going to do that
no, no, no
i will not succumb.
oh, there i went
i did it, what i said i wouldn't
i let myself fall
into temptation.
how to get out of it now?
maybe, it will be okay
in the end, maybe it will work itself out?
have i dug a hole that i cannot climb from
have i lost the meaning to all of this
have i lost sight
has it disappeared?
no, it will be okay
i have to believe
that things will set its course
in the right direction.
after all, it always does
doesn't it?
rates of time;
time is linear, that we know
but how do alternate realities compare
to our own passing clocks?
are their minutes our hours?
or their days our years?
if rates between worlds, realities
differ greatly
wouldn't we live longer in one
and die quicker in another?
perhaps we would have no understanding
of the inner workings of time
and therefore not see nor feel the difference
of the rates of time
until we pass through another place.
maybe like the pevensie children of c.s. lewis' creation
we grow, flourish, and age in one world
while coming back into the other
just as we were at the beginning.
but how do alternate realities compare
to our own passing clocks?
are their minutes our hours?
or their days our years?
if rates between worlds, realities
differ greatly
wouldn't we live longer in one
and die quicker in another?
perhaps we would have no understanding
of the inner workings of time
and therefore not see nor feel the difference
of the rates of time
until we pass through another place.
maybe like the pevensie children of c.s. lewis' creation
we grow, flourish, and age in one world
while coming back into the other
just as we were at the beginning.
falling;
falling, falling, falling
downward and spiraling
a million feet left to go
from this hot-air balloon drop.
the rush of colors from all around
as we hold on desperately
hurtling forward
lost with no direction.
we'll wait for the end of the ride
the end of the ride, the end.
we'll bow and curtsy to each other
you in your spiffy solid black tuxedo
and me in my girlish aubergine party dress.
our laughter becomes our serenade
the skipping beats of our hearts
becoming the music to which we dance
watched by smiling stars
that shine from above.
and we'll wait for the end of the ride
the end of the ride, the end.
however farther we have left to go
a million feet, a million seconds
a million years
we will have each other, beautiful company
twirling our dances
until the end, the end of the ride
the end of time.
downward and spiraling
a million feet left to go
from this hot-air balloon drop.
the rush of colors from all around
as we hold on desperately
hurtling forward
lost with no direction.
we'll wait for the end of the ride
the end of the ride, the end.
we'll bow and curtsy to each other
you in your spiffy solid black tuxedo
and me in my girlish aubergine party dress.
our laughter becomes our serenade
the skipping beats of our hearts
becoming the music to which we dance
watched by smiling stars
that shine from above.
and we'll wait for the end of the ride
the end of the ride, the end.
however farther we have left to go
a million feet, a million seconds
a million years
we will have each other, beautiful company
twirling our dances
until the end, the end of the ride
the end of time.
end of the line;
i'm running down the ocean deep
the twinkling stars high above
my guides to the end of the rainbow
and the horizon that awaits me.
exhilarating yet just as frightening
the beating of my own heart
drowning out my racing thoughts
pumping on adrenaline
to reach the end of the line.
and the biggest question lies here
what will i find when i reach the pinnacle
what tunnel will open for me
and will i like what i see?
the twinkling stars high above
my guides to the end of the rainbow
and the horizon that awaits me.
exhilarating yet just as frightening
the beating of my own heart
drowning out my racing thoughts
pumping on adrenaline
to reach the end of the line.
and the biggest question lies here
what will i find when i reach the pinnacle
what tunnel will open for me
and will i like what i see?
rejuvenate;
Hot, stuffy, suffocating
I can hardly breath
Becoming quite short of breath
And seemingly close to death.
Pull me out of here
And dip me into the sea
Let me nourish my wasted body
Help me rejuvenate my soul.
I can hardly breath
Becoming quite short of breath
And seemingly close to death.
Pull me out of here
And dip me into the sea
Let me nourish my wasted body
Help me rejuvenate my soul.
hard to concentrate;
Sometimes it is hard to concentrate
Losing myself in my reverie
As the lecture goes in one ear
And out the other
Collecting dust along the way.
A really bad habit it becomes
Especially as spring begins to near.
The sunshine and warm breeze
Calls out to me, begging me
To come out and play.
Losing myself in my reverie
As the lecture goes in one ear
And out the other
Collecting dust along the way.
A really bad habit it becomes
Especially as spring begins to near.
The sunshine and warm breeze
Calls out to me, begging me
To come out and play.
little things;
the little things in life
sometimes make everything alright
bringing light into the day
and hope to the future.
sometimes it's just a breath of fresh air
a breeze carried from afar
that reminds us to keep looking forward
to the greener grass
that denotes a far better horizon.
sometimes make everything alright
bringing light into the day
and hope to the future.
sometimes it's just a breath of fresh air
a breeze carried from afar
that reminds us to keep looking forward
to the greener grass
that denotes a far better horizon.
regrets;
regrets
maybes, what ifs
i should have
maybe
those moments of the past
that had us at hello
but we brushed them away
only to finally realize
the beauty in them
maybe we are weak
and so, did not pursue
such life-changing journeys
are we afraid
of consequences that may bestow
upon our already chaotic lives
maybe, what ifs, i should have
everything i never could do
and future opportunities absent
maybes, what ifs
i should have
maybe
those moments of the past
that had us at hello
but we brushed them away
only to finally realize
the beauty in them
maybe we are weak
and so, did not pursue
such life-changing journeys
are we afraid
of consequences that may bestow
upon our already chaotic lives
maybe, what ifs, i should have
everything i never could do
and future opportunities absent
i remember;
i remember
the years gone by
the memories that have faded
rushing back like a flooded dam.
the sounds, the sights, the sensations
feeling them reverberate though my body
a war of neuronic signals
forcing me be a witness.
such wonderful, beautiful times
such precious memories
nothing more but dust in the past
that will soon be forgotten
all over again.
the years gone by
the memories that have faded
rushing back like a flooded dam.
the sounds, the sights, the sensations
feeling them reverberate though my body
a war of neuronic signals
forcing me be a witness.
such wonderful, beautiful times
such precious memories
nothing more but dust in the past
that will soon be forgotten
all over again.
pandora's box;
it's an open door
waiting for you, and only you,
continuously, for a hundred years.
standing ever so strong
prevailing the darkest of storms
holding its ground
for as long as needed.
it will not push you
but let you decide
when you think the time is right
to delve inside
and face your pandora's box.
waiting for you, and only you,
continuously, for a hundred years.
standing ever so strong
prevailing the darkest of storms
holding its ground
for as long as needed.
it will not push you
but let you decide
when you think the time is right
to delve inside
and face your pandora's box.
karma;
what goes around, comes around
you will get your taste of karma
and see reality in the mirror.
do you like it
is this who you wanted to be
are you proud?
at least now, you do not have to hide
we all know who you are behind the mask.
you will get your taste of karma
and see reality in the mirror.
do you like it
is this who you wanted to be
are you proud?
at least now, you do not have to hide
we all know who you are behind the mask.
continue forward;
if we persevere, maybe we can get through
maybe the satellites above will emit
the signals that will lead us home
wherever it may be.
sometimes it seems hopeless
no finish line to the long road ahead
miles and miles stretched out before you
a deserted destiny.
but how far can you go?
how long will you withstand the pressure
and do you think you are cut out for it.
sometimes it is not whether you have the money
or the means, the transportation, the luxuries.
sometimes it is all simply internal:
do you have the willpower
do you have the determination
do you have the dream
to continue forward?
maybe the satellites above will emit
the signals that will lead us home
wherever it may be.
sometimes it seems hopeless
no finish line to the long road ahead
miles and miles stretched out before you
a deserted destiny.
but how far can you go?
how long will you withstand the pressure
and do you think you are cut out for it.
sometimes it is not whether you have the money
or the means, the transportation, the luxuries.
sometimes it is all simply internal:
do you have the willpower
do you have the determination
do you have the dream
to continue forward?
pull me down;
pull me down
level me with the ground
as i am floating helplessly above
in between passing clouds.
up or down is irrelevant
i am twirling a three-sixty
in and out i will float.
cut me down from the balloon
the imaginary osmotic pull
like nutrients going from tissue to capillaries
i am being pulled further and further away.
bring me down
keep me here
don't let go.
level me with the ground
as i am floating helplessly above
in between passing clouds.
up or down is irrelevant
i am twirling a three-sixty
in and out i will float.
cut me down from the balloon
the imaginary osmotic pull
like nutrients going from tissue to capillaries
i am being pulled further and further away.
bring me down
keep me here
don't let go.
academia;
academia, you mock me so
put my mind through a tornado
leaving me to pick up the debris
that you strewed so haphazardly.
a failure you make me appear to be
distorting the only vision i can see
having me question my ability
and destroying confidence brutally.
falling, falling, falling
you left me dangling off a cliff
leaving me to scream and wish
for a different tune to sing.
i'll thank you for deserting me
in my desperate time of need.
i didn't need you anyhow
and this path i will walk alone now.
put my mind through a tornado
leaving me to pick up the debris
that you strewed so haphazardly.
a failure you make me appear to be
distorting the only vision i can see
having me question my ability
and destroying confidence brutally.
falling, falling, falling
you left me dangling off a cliff
leaving me to scream and wish
for a different tune to sing.
i'll thank you for deserting me
in my desperate time of need.
i didn't need you anyhow
and this path i will walk alone now.
it's steadily getting worse;
it's steadily getting worse
like a water dam ready to burst
and drown the surrounding towns
dimming the flickering
lights of my life.
disappointment fills my chest
peaking with a lump
in the hollow of my neck
as i feel the strain of being ashamed.
it's my fault, i know
but for all the wrong reasons
as the connections between neurons
no longer flow
as they should.
maybe i am not cut out for this
maybe it is out of my league
maybe i need to embark on a new path
and foster a new destination.
like a water dam ready to burst
and drown the surrounding towns
dimming the flickering
lights of my life.
disappointment fills my chest
peaking with a lump
in the hollow of my neck
as i feel the strain of being ashamed.
it's my fault, i know
but for all the wrong reasons
as the connections between neurons
no longer flow
as they should.
maybe i am not cut out for this
maybe it is out of my league
maybe i need to embark on a new path
and foster a new destination.
failed promises;
Failed promises
And shattered dreams
Trying so desperately
To pick up the broken pieces.
And shattered dreams
Trying so desperately
To pick up the broken pieces.
i am not one to;
i am not one to paint my face
to hide the scars and the imperfections
that grace my person.
i am not one to hide behind in shame
to put up a different front
or to conduct a new personality.
i am not one to turn a head
nor a blind eye to the issues that matter
no matter how trivial or insignificant they may be.
i am not one to turn my back
on the world that fostered my being.
i am not one to lose sight
on everything that ever mattered.
to hide the scars and the imperfections
that grace my person.
i am not one to hide behind in shame
to put up a different front
or to conduct a new personality.
i am not one to turn a head
nor a blind eye to the issues that matter
no matter how trivial or insignificant they may be.
i am not one to turn my back
on the world that fostered my being.
i am not one to lose sight
on everything that ever mattered.
young, uninhibited and free;
i remember when i was eighteen
young, uninhibited and free
without a care in the world
relishing in the beauty of life.
a long time since then
and a long way to have come
in the span of only five years.
much calmer, rational
less spontaneous
growing a calm head on the shoulders
and taking things slow.
is this what it feel like to grow up
to see things in a different light
to be standing on the other spectrum
becoming the responsible adult?
it's a new sensation
somewhat surreal
but empowering at the same time
entering a new stage in life
and having to say goodbye to another.
young, uninhibited and free
without a care in the world
relishing in the beauty of life.
a long time since then
and a long way to have come
in the span of only five years.
much calmer, rational
less spontaneous
growing a calm head on the shoulders
and taking things slow.
is this what it feel like to grow up
to see things in a different light
to be standing on the other spectrum
becoming the responsible adult?
it's a new sensation
somewhat surreal
but empowering at the same time
entering a new stage in life
and having to say goodbye to another.
a million things;
a million things i want to say
a thousand words i need to hear
a hundred heartbeats i'll endure
until i can controvert the fear.
a million times i have sighed
a thousand memories i have cried
a hundred nights i have stayed awake
because of you, my world was shaken.
a thousand words i need to hear
a hundred heartbeats i'll endure
until i can controvert the fear.
a million times i have sighed
a thousand memories i have cried
a hundred nights i have stayed awake
because of you, my world was shaken.
it just keeps on coming;
it just keeps on coming
there is not an end to the stream
that is starting to drown me
in my little dwelling.
like the rain that splatters on the window panes
so does the ink from my pen
onto this stack of scrap
papers from what i need to focus upon.
and they still keep on flowing
marching a parade
into my world.
there is not an end to the stream
that is starting to drown me
in my little dwelling.
like the rain that splatters on the window panes
so does the ink from my pen
onto this stack of scrap
papers from what i need to focus upon.
and they still keep on flowing
marching a parade
into my world.
no time for rest or sleep;
the words becoming a blur
a black sea forming slowly
until it spreads across the page
and my line of vision.
heavy lids threatening to retreat
abandoning me in my battle
to regain a hold of consciousness
and fight to finish the race.
it's become so hard to focus
as my mind weakens and wanders
most definitely not focusing
on the important issue at hand.
come back to me, come back
we have to complete our task
there is no time for rest or sleep
until we climb out of this mountain deep
of educational pursuits.
a black sea forming slowly
until it spreads across the page
and my line of vision.
heavy lids threatening to retreat
abandoning me in my battle
to regain a hold of consciousness
and fight to finish the race.
it's become so hard to focus
as my mind weakens and wanders
most definitely not focusing
on the important issue at hand.
come back to me, come back
we have to complete our task
there is no time for rest or sleep
until we climb out of this mountain deep
of educational pursuits.
plant the seed;
they'll plant the seed
and help it grow
nurturing it to become
the beautiful flower it could be.
the taste of adventure
the allure of discovery
waiting just beyond the horizon
just barely out of reach
where dreams can become reality.
she'll rise up and spread her wings
as the morning sun dawns
and she will take flight
into the open skies
knowing her future has just begun.
and help it grow
nurturing it to become
the beautiful flower it could be.
the taste of adventure
the allure of discovery
waiting just beyond the horizon
just barely out of reach
where dreams can become reality.
she'll rise up and spread her wings
as the morning sun dawns
and she will take flight
into the open skies
knowing her future has just begun.
defy;
she said to them:
let your hair down
release your inhibitions
rise a rebellion
and defy discriminations.
always taking the back road
keeping out of sight
having not a voice
owning nothing in our own right.
behind the walls we had stood
clouded in darkness as we should
according to society's norms
we must unwillingly conform.
but slowly and surely
we shall have our limelight
and we will join forces and reject
every conniving right.
stand together and stand straight
as a whole, our spirit they cannot break
triumphant we can become
as long as we unite as one.
let your hair down
release your inhibitions
rise a rebellion
and defy discriminations.
always taking the back road
keeping out of sight
having not a voice
owning nothing in our own right.
behind the walls we had stood
clouded in darkness as we should
according to society's norms
we must unwillingly conform.
but slowly and surely
we shall have our limelight
and we will join forces and reject
every conniving right.
stand together and stand straight
as a whole, our spirit they cannot break
triumphant we can become
as long as we unite as one.
lost, gone, stolen;
it's lost, gone, stolen
bring it back
i need it
i covet it.
where is it
i've turned the world
upside down
in the search.
perhaps i'll never see it
forever gone
lost, lost, lost
and so alone.
bring it back
i need it
i covet it.
where is it
i've turned the world
upside down
in the search.
perhaps i'll never see it
forever gone
lost, lost, lost
and so alone.
but i thought wrong;
yeah, and so i thought
but i thought wrong
so much that it hurts
and is quite unbelievable.
but still, all will be well
it will continue on
i will learn to let go
and live without.
but i thought wrong
so much that it hurts
and is quite unbelievable.
but still, all will be well
it will continue on
i will learn to let go
and live without.
mannequin;
just a mannequin
controlled by strings
held by the hands
of another.
she'll do his bidding
mechanically but willingly
just to be in his graces.
but she is only being used
without gaining an ounce
of love, appreciation, adoration
from him.
she will become broken
an empty pile of wooden sticks
once her use has dissipated.
and he will continue on
forgetting his mannequin lover.
controlled by strings
held by the hands
of another.
she'll do his bidding
mechanically but willingly
just to be in his graces.
but she is only being used
without gaining an ounce
of love, appreciation, adoration
from him.
she will become broken
an empty pile of wooden sticks
once her use has dissipated.
and he will continue on
forgetting his mannequin lover.
little girl;
what happened to that little girl
who dominated the front
holding down the fort
her knees buried in the dirt.
she has started to change
to grow up
leaving behind childhood fancies
and embarking upon a new path
one meant for the experienced.
make-up, guys, drama
this is what her world revolves around
the axis on which it spins
sometimes wildly out of control.
the innocence that once was
is no more.
it has disappeared gradually
as all milestones of life tend to do.
into the back drop
boxed away in the attic
it doesn't fully disappear though, no.
it will still be waiting for her
when she decides to take a trip
down memory lane
and relish in nostalgia.
and perhaps then
the little girl who locked herself away
deep inside the heart
will start to come out play
if even for just a moment.
it is then that little girl
will live once again.
even if for just a moment.
who dominated the front
holding down the fort
her knees buried in the dirt.
she has started to change
to grow up
leaving behind childhood fancies
and embarking upon a new path
one meant for the experienced.
make-up, guys, drama
this is what her world revolves around
the axis on which it spins
sometimes wildly out of control.
the innocence that once was
is no more.
it has disappeared gradually
as all milestones of life tend to do.
into the back drop
boxed away in the attic
it doesn't fully disappear though, no.
it will still be waiting for her
when she decides to take a trip
down memory lane
and relish in nostalgia.
and perhaps then
the little girl who locked herself away
deep inside the heart
will start to come out play
if even for just a moment.
it is then that little girl
will live once again.
even if for just a moment.
wondering what is waiting for me;
again
here i am alone
in this dark quiet room
with my thoughts.
the creaking of the floor boards
under my bare-feet
as i pad across the hallway
searching for something
what, i do not know.
i take a walk outside
to tilt my head upward
staring at the starless sky
wondering what is waiting for me.
what does the future hold for me
wherein lies my destiny
do i have a purpose
or am i simply just here?
here i am alone
in this dark quiet room
with my thoughts.
the creaking of the floor boards
under my bare-feet
as i pad across the hallway
searching for something
what, i do not know.
i take a walk outside
to tilt my head upward
staring at the starless sky
wondering what is waiting for me.
what does the future hold for me
wherein lies my destiny
do i have a purpose
or am i simply just here?
she is the only one there again;
she is the only one there again
alone on the open road
with only the twinkling stars so very far away
to keep her company at the death of day.
there is not a sound where she is
no evening breeze to caress her hair
no moon to light upon her face so fair
but a lonely darkness dotted with specks
of burning stars.
a thunder crashes from all directions
but where, she does not know.
maybe it came from high above
or perhaps it is her beating heart
pounding in her chest
as it has for many ages.
and then she began to walk
on that open road of darkness
following a path that only her mind can see
hoping to find her heart's desire
whatever it may be.
alone on the open road
with only the twinkling stars so very far away
to keep her company at the death of day.
there is not a sound where she is
no evening breeze to caress her hair
no moon to light upon her face so fair
but a lonely darkness dotted with specks
of burning stars.
a thunder crashes from all directions
but where, she does not know.
maybe it came from high above
or perhaps it is her beating heart
pounding in her chest
as it has for many ages.
and then she began to walk
on that open road of darkness
following a path that only her mind can see
hoping to find her heart's desire
whatever it may be.
say goodbye;
we'll say goodbye to what we once knew
as everything begins to change
the friends we were once close with
now becoming strangers
as they drift further away from us.
like the sea that changes with the tide
our own lives are nonlinear
open to many branches of possibilities.
which one will we choose?
we walk along the fine middle line
teetering on a tightrope demonstration
trying to keep ourselves up
saving ourselves from plummeting to the ground.
and if we do fall from our pedestal
maybe we will fall into grace's arms
where we can pick up the pieces
say goodbye to the past
and start over again.
as everything begins to change
the friends we were once close with
now becoming strangers
as they drift further away from us.
like the sea that changes with the tide
our own lives are nonlinear
open to many branches of possibilities.
which one will we choose?
we walk along the fine middle line
teetering on a tightrope demonstration
trying to keep ourselves up
saving ourselves from plummeting to the ground.
and if we do fall from our pedestal
maybe we will fall into grace's arms
where we can pick up the pieces
say goodbye to the past
and start over again.
the smell of freshly cut grass;
the smell of freshly cut grass
is one of my favorites
the aromatic fragrance
inflating my lungs
and uplifting my spirits.
a walk around an open park
with children and dogs running amok
on a lush carpet of green grass
is a wonderful sight to behold.
sitting in meditation
with only my thoughts
and the sounds of nature
as my only companions
sets an idyllic stage.
it is during these times in which i feel alive
in which i feel rejuvenated
and love the glory that is called life.
is one of my favorites
the aromatic fragrance
inflating my lungs
and uplifting my spirits.
a walk around an open park
with children and dogs running amok
on a lush carpet of green grass
is a wonderful sight to behold.
sitting in meditation
with only my thoughts
and the sounds of nature
as my only companions
sets an idyllic stage.
it is during these times in which i feel alive
in which i feel rejuvenated
and love the glory that is called life.
changing seasons;
i can feel it
the change of the seasons.
there is something in the air
that brings back memories
from years ago.
there is something about it all
that is nostalgic and bittersweet
of the times that are fading from memory
so slowly, slowly
until they are nothing more than wisps
of color and emotion.
there is something about the way
the air fill me lungs
the sounds of passing cars
and smell of freshly cut grass
in the spring of summer.
children come out to play
from within the safe haven of their homes
into the beautiful sunshine
and glorious clear skies.
life emerges from winter's death
from the cold grip of snow
melting away until another year.
the change of the seasons.
there is something in the air
that brings back memories
from years ago.
there is something about it all
that is nostalgic and bittersweet
of the times that are fading from memory
so slowly, slowly
until they are nothing more than wisps
of color and emotion.
there is something about the way
the air fill me lungs
the sounds of passing cars
and smell of freshly cut grass
in the spring of summer.
children come out to play
from within the safe haven of their homes
into the beautiful sunshine
and glorious clear skies.
life emerges from winter's death
from the cold grip of snow
melting away until another year.
paint it black and white;
paint it black and white
because there is no grey
there is no in-between
there is only here and now.
your thoughts and feelings
are officially void
you are not your own person
you have no voice.
you say this is unfair
but this is the axis
on which the world revolves
continuously
as it has been doing
for a millennium.
you can scream and shout
you can rebel and demand revolution
but change will not come quickly
especially to those who turn a blind eye
content in the prison they have created.
yes or no, right or wrong
circumstances are nonexistent
maybes and what ifs
do not have a place in our society.
save yourself the humiliation and the stress
do not give yourself a headache.
follow the mainstream, fall into place
and live as we have been living
since the moment we entered the world.
because there is no grey
there is no in-between
there is only here and now.
your thoughts and feelings
are officially void
you are not your own person
you have no voice.
you say this is unfair
but this is the axis
on which the world revolves
continuously
as it has been doing
for a millennium.
you can scream and shout
you can rebel and demand revolution
but change will not come quickly
especially to those who turn a blind eye
content in the prison they have created.
yes or no, right or wrong
circumstances are nonexistent
maybes and what ifs
do not have a place in our society.
save yourself the humiliation and the stress
do not give yourself a headache.
follow the mainstream, fall into place
and live as we have been living
since the moment we entered the world.
balancing act;
it's a balancing act, they say
but i seem to be failing
quite spectacularly
it's hard to stay on the middle line
teetering at the edge
at risk for falling to the wrong side
does this tightrope event ever end?
is there level ground anywhere near?
but i seem to be failing
quite spectacularly
it's hard to stay on the middle line
teetering at the edge
at risk for falling to the wrong side
does this tightrope event ever end?
is there level ground anywhere near?
change;
is she dreaming too high
too ambitiously, to greatly
for her conservative society?
cringing with fear
they grimace at the thought
of advancement
from their traditional ways.
"it's time for change" she would cry
"it's time for our triumph" she would beat
into their thicken skulls
dusty from generations of placidity.
but can she win, can she rise above
and better the world around her?
or will the reluctance of her community
become her own enemy
and create a cage, an iron-hand prison
from which she can never escape?
too ambitiously, to greatly
for her conservative society?
cringing with fear
they grimace at the thought
of advancement
from their traditional ways.
"it's time for change" she would cry
"it's time for our triumph" she would beat
into their thicken skulls
dusty from generations of placidity.
but can she win, can she rise above
and better the world around her?
or will the reluctance of her community
become her own enemy
and create a cage, an iron-hand prison
from which she can never escape?
to the top;
slowly getting there
up, up, up the mountain she goes
clad in nothing but
her knickers and her soul.
she's baring everything she's got
every virtue and every pride inside
to the world she will show
who she really is
truly is.
and who will be there to greet her
when she finally reaches the pinnacle
where all her hopes and dreams lie
covered in a snowy storm.
will it be a god
who will bless her
and grant her eternal salvation.
or will it simply be the sun
high above in the sky
beating down on her its radiance.
like the radiance that blooms
from the fiery determination
in her eyes
up, up, up the mountain she goes
clad in nothing but
her knickers and her soul.
she's baring everything she's got
every virtue and every pride inside
to the world she will show
who she really is
truly is.
and who will be there to greet her
when she finally reaches the pinnacle
where all her hopes and dreams lie
covered in a snowy storm.
will it be a god
who will bless her
and grant her eternal salvation.
or will it simply be the sun
high above in the sky
beating down on her its radiance.
like the radiance that blooms
from the fiery determination
in her eyes
your entertainment;
i'm jumping through hoop rings
doing those circus things
tricks and unicycles
for your entertainment
do you like to see me jump around
like i'm under the imperio
bidding your every command
just to please you
enough is enough sometimes
you know?
sometimes i am tired
of being your shining star
maybe i just want to take the backseat
to this thing called life
just sometimes
only sometimes
[imperio = being controlled against one's will
harry potter reference]
doing those circus things
tricks and unicycles
for your entertainment
do you like to see me jump around
like i'm under the imperio
bidding your every command
just to please you
enough is enough sometimes
you know?
sometimes i am tired
of being your shining star
maybe i just want to take the backseat
to this thing called life
just sometimes
only sometimes
[imperio = being controlled against one's will
harry potter reference]
he ripped out her heart;
he ripped out her heart
stomped and mangled it
until it was nothing
but a broken, empty shell
he left her lying there
on the cold, damp ground
dry as a bone
as she could cry no more tears
abandonment is what she felt
and betrayal is what he inflicted
on a girl who gave her all
to him
but unlike him
she would heal
she would forget the horrid memories
and bury the past forever
he would go on with the knowledge
of beating down a person at their worst
toying with his prey before going for the kill
in time
they would go their separate ways
until the meet again
before the ultimate judge
stomped and mangled it
until it was nothing
but a broken, empty shell
he left her lying there
on the cold, damp ground
dry as a bone
as she could cry no more tears
abandonment is what she felt
and betrayal is what he inflicted
on a girl who gave her all
to him
but unlike him
she would heal
she would forget the horrid memories
and bury the past forever
he would go on with the knowledge
of beating down a person at their worst
toying with his prey before going for the kill
in time
they would go their separate ways
until the meet again
before the ultimate judge
take a breath;
take a breath, take a breath
and stop, halt time
even if it is in your own
little world.
smell the flowers
smell the world
and all its wonders.
see what you have been missing?
missing your entire life?
just stop everything
put down your busy life
your ringing off-of-the hook
blackberry with its thousands of emails.
put down the endless thoughts and chatter
that run relentlessly in your mind
of everything that you need to do
in the small amount of time
that you don't even have.
stop, stop, stop
you need a break
really, you do.
when would ever enjoy
what the world around you
gives you each and every day?
retirement is a long way off
for such beautiful memories
so why not stop, stop, stop
and make them now?
and stop, halt time
even if it is in your own
little world.
smell the flowers
smell the world
and all its wonders.
see what you have been missing?
missing your entire life?
just stop everything
put down your busy life
your ringing off-of-the hook
blackberry with its thousands of emails.
put down the endless thoughts and chatter
that run relentlessly in your mind
of everything that you need to do
in the small amount of time
that you don't even have.
stop, stop, stop
you need a break
really, you do.
when would ever enjoy
what the world around you
gives you each and every day?
retirement is a long way off
for such beautiful memories
so why not stop, stop, stop
and make them now?
hello two a.m.;
hello two a.m.
how are you doing
this fine early morning?
really? amazing.
myself? just dandy
thanks for asking.
love you
goodnight.
how are you doing
this fine early morning?
really? amazing.
myself? just dandy
thanks for asking.
love you
goodnight.
snow, snow, snow
snow, snow, snow
coating the world white
a winter wonderland
at my fingertips.
flurries coming down
slowly, steadily
upon the ground they rest
waiting to melt and die.
coating the world white
a winter wonderland
at my fingertips.
flurries coming down
slowly, steadily
upon the ground they rest
waiting to melt and die.
paper crane;
paper crane
will you spread your paper wings
and take flight into the paper sky
towards the paper sun
burning brilliantly.
paper crane
listen to what the world has to say
listen with your paper ears
and process with your paper brain.
paper crane
spread your paper wings
and soar into paper dreams.
will you spread your paper wings
and take flight into the paper sky
towards the paper sun
burning brilliantly.
paper crane
listen to what the world has to say
listen with your paper ears
and process with your paper brain.
paper crane
spread your paper wings
and soar into paper dreams.
yucky sickness;
yucky sickness.
runny nose, stuffy nose
two opposites existing at the same time
like disseminated intravascular coagulation.
so hard to breathe
with hammers pounding relentlessly
in my already aching head.
a thousand milligrams of acetaminophen
and four hundred milligrams of ibuprofen
doing pretty much naught
for my symptoms.
it'll be over soon
and until then
all i can do is suffer.
runny nose, stuffy nose
two opposites existing at the same time
like disseminated intravascular coagulation.
so hard to breathe
with hammers pounding relentlessly
in my already aching head.
a thousand milligrams of acetaminophen
and four hundred milligrams of ibuprofen
doing pretty much naught
for my symptoms.
it'll be over soon
and until then
all i can do is suffer.
let's drive into the sunset;
let's drive into the sunset
on the thinning horizon
where the sky meets the land
to gently kiss.
a thousand miles an hour we'll go
feet on the accelerator
the break pedal nonexistent
on our never-ending ride.
when will we stop?
we will know
when we see the exit sign.
keep on plowing forward
keep on going
don't stop, don't stop.
keep your eyes on the road
and we'll make it through
to the other side
where it is always greener.
on the thinning horizon
where the sky meets the land
to gently kiss.
a thousand miles an hour we'll go
feet on the accelerator
the break pedal nonexistent
on our never-ending ride.
when will we stop?
we will know
when we see the exit sign.
keep on plowing forward
keep on going
don't stop, don't stop.
keep your eyes on the road
and we'll make it through
to the other side
where it is always greener.
it's slow going, they said;
it's slow going, they said
trudging alone
upon a dirt-worn path
on a destination
to somewhere.
all we can do now
is keep our head above water
and look to the future
with an open mind.
trudging alone
upon a dirt-worn path
on a destination
to somewhere.
all we can do now
is keep our head above water
and look to the future
with an open mind.
masquerade;
let's go to a masquerade
and put on a face
a mask with which
to fool the world.
they will never know
they will never know.
a game of charades
we'll dance the night away
dancing between identities
for the perfect match.
and they will never know
never know.
the twinkle in their eyes
of mischief abounding
hearts pounding
of the exhilarating race.
let's go, let's hide
and leave the secrets
of our minds, of our lives
all behind.
and put on a face
a mask with which
to fool the world.
they will never know
they will never know.
a game of charades
we'll dance the night away
dancing between identities
for the perfect match.
and they will never know
never know.
the twinkle in their eyes
of mischief abounding
hearts pounding
of the exhilarating race.
let's go, let's hide
and leave the secrets
of our minds, of our lives
all behind.
hold my hand;
hold my hand, please
don't let go, don't let go
keep me safe, rescue me
warm me up, it's so cold.
when the sun goes down
the monsters come out and play
in the darkness of their world
falling, falling
into my own.
so terribly frightened
quaking in fear
please don't let go
of holding my hand.
keep me safe, rescue me
warm me up, it's so cold
don't let go, don't let go
keep me safe
warm me up
hold my hand
don't let go.
don't let go, don't let go
keep me safe, rescue me
warm me up, it's so cold.
when the sun goes down
the monsters come out and play
in the darkness of their world
falling, falling
into my own.
so terribly frightened
quaking in fear
please don't let go
of holding my hand.
keep me safe, rescue me
warm me up, it's so cold
don't let go, don't let go
keep me safe
warm me up
hold my hand
don't let go.
i am lying here;
i am lying here
beaten down, on my knees
recuperating my losses
as the voices cry out silently.
barely reaching out
blood stained hands
of who's
i cannot recall.
the battle is all but over
the fires raging out
the smoke rising
extinguishing all
the screams and shouts.
time to let it go
and fall fast asleep
letting the darkness overcome
like the sea, endless deep.
beaten down, on my knees
recuperating my losses
as the voices cry out silently.
barely reaching out
blood stained hands
of who's
i cannot recall.
the battle is all but over
the fires raging out
the smoke rising
extinguishing all
the screams and shouts.
time to let it go
and fall fast asleep
letting the darkness overcome
like the sea, endless deep.
tug-o-war;
just a taste, she said
to know what i will be missing
to know what i will never have
or ever see again.
no, he said
it is wrong
you are out of your mind
and completely delusional.
don't be cruel, she cried
don't deny me what is rightfully mine
even though you promise everything
to another.
away, go away, he demanded
you are not worthy of my time
of anyone's time
and most definitely not worthy
of my love and devotion.
i will never wrong you again! she pleaded
just give me one more chance
and i will change who i am
to be what you want me to be
and what you most desire!
no! never! and begone! he demanded
i don't want a subservient lover
i want a friend, a mutual companion
someone to share my secrets with
not to be used in blackmail!
i'm sorry, i'm sorry, she resigned
i never meant to hurt you
i never meant to wrong you.
you cannot forgive a simple mistake?
mistake, you call this a mistake? he asked
you are completely lost
you play with fire without protection
and you dig yourself a hole
no, go away, go away
go far away.
she sulked away into dark shadows
and he moved forward into bright daylight.
to know what i will be missing
to know what i will never have
or ever see again.
no, he said
it is wrong
you are out of your mind
and completely delusional.
don't be cruel, she cried
don't deny me what is rightfully mine
even though you promise everything
to another.
away, go away, he demanded
you are not worthy of my time
of anyone's time
and most definitely not worthy
of my love and devotion.
i will never wrong you again! she pleaded
just give me one more chance
and i will change who i am
to be what you want me to be
and what you most desire!
no! never! and begone! he demanded
i don't want a subservient lover
i want a friend, a mutual companion
someone to share my secrets with
not to be used in blackmail!
i'm sorry, i'm sorry, she resigned
i never meant to hurt you
i never meant to wrong you.
you cannot forgive a simple mistake?
mistake, you call this a mistake? he asked
you are completely lost
you play with fire without protection
and you dig yourself a hole
no, go away, go away
go far away.
she sulked away into dark shadows
and he moved forward into bright daylight.
marriage, babies, and more
marriage, babies, and more.
boy, am i late
and completely light years
from these commodities
unlike many of my peers.
to some, this is food and shelter, a need
for me, these are very scary considerations
and definitely not a need nor want
now, or ever.
"you have to get married one day" so says she.
but why?
i am relatively content right now.
and besides
i get bored too often, too frequently
for such a thing to last
"till death do us part".
maybe time will change my mind
and my heart
and my biological demands.
maybe i will welcome them with open arms
or hide away in fear.
we will see
what the future may bring.
boy, am i late
and completely light years
from these commodities
unlike many of my peers.
to some, this is food and shelter, a need
for me, these are very scary considerations
and definitely not a need nor want
now, or ever.
"you have to get married one day" so says she.
but why?
i am relatively content right now.
and besides
i get bored too often, too frequently
for such a thing to last
"till death do us part".
maybe time will change my mind
and my heart
and my biological demands.
maybe i will welcome them with open arms
or hide away in fear.
we will see
what the future may bring.
it is early morning again;
it is early morning again
or late afternoon
depending on your circadian cycle.
and again i sit here
unable to sleep
though probably due to my own faults.
i spend these times
languidly lying around
thinking, hoping, wondering
about so many things
which my brain can hardly
comprehend.
the things i need to do
the things i should have done
and the things i probably will never do
what contemplating thoughts
will my brain concoct
tonight?
or late afternoon
depending on your circadian cycle.
and again i sit here
unable to sleep
though probably due to my own faults.
i spend these times
languidly lying around
thinking, hoping, wondering
about so many things
which my brain can hardly
comprehend.
the things i need to do
the things i should have done
and the things i probably will never do
what contemplating thoughts
will my brain concoct
tonight?
rescue me;
i've become lax in my duties
trudging behind
grudgingly and without passion.
what has brought me to this place
this existence
that i absolutely abhor.
"pull me out
and help me"
i scream
i shout.
but will no one listen?
will i have to rely on nothing
but the two hands before me?
but sometimes
we all need help
to get to that pinnacle
where all the success lies.
so where are you
when are you going
to rescue me?
trudging behind
grudgingly and without passion.
what has brought me to this place
this existence
that i absolutely abhor.
"pull me out
and help me"
i scream
i shout.
but will no one listen?
will i have to rely on nothing
but the two hands before me?
but sometimes
we all need help
to get to that pinnacle
where all the success lies.
so where are you
when are you going
to rescue me?
winning marathon;
i want to run, run, run
with my feet pounding on the asphalt
the perspiration dripping down
dancing with adrenaline
like there's no tomorrow.
all the problems
and all the sorrows
will slip off my back
forming miniature puddles
everywhere i go.
a release that i can relish
and beat out my frustrations
to the tune of my sprinting feet.
i can run, run, run
away from my demons
the dark particles of my soul
that should never give into temptation.
the race is on
ever always in motion
and ever always trying to come
first place.
it's my life
it's my choice
it's my winning marathon.
with my feet pounding on the asphalt
the perspiration dripping down
dancing with adrenaline
like there's no tomorrow.
all the problems
and all the sorrows
will slip off my back
forming miniature puddles
everywhere i go.
a release that i can relish
and beat out my frustrations
to the tune of my sprinting feet.
i can run, run, run
away from my demons
the dark particles of my soul
that should never give into temptation.
the race is on
ever always in motion
and ever always trying to come
first place.
it's my life
it's my choice
it's my winning marathon.
another ripple in the sea;
another ripple in the sea
to set the course again
another path to lay
hand me the driving key.
the breath you breathe
once in a lifetime
to alter the entire course
of history.
a butterfly effect
to distort the future
that was never meant to be
lost endlessly.
in another place, another time
maybe in the present it may arise
the endless connections
a myriad of possibilities.
draw yourself out
out of the fantasy
keep you feet planted
in our reality.
to set the course again
another path to lay
hand me the driving key.
the breath you breathe
once in a lifetime
to alter the entire course
of history.
a butterfly effect
to distort the future
that was never meant to be
lost endlessly.
in another place, another time
maybe in the present it may arise
the endless connections
a myriad of possibilities.
draw yourself out
out of the fantasy
keep you feet planted
in our reality.
i can't wait to grow up;
"i can't wait to grow up"
we all once said
as little children
oblivious the world.
we all wanted to grow up
so very fast.
but now that we have reached
adulthood
what do have to say for it?
college, bills, responsibility
a different perspective on the world
that was once so different
from before.
childhood was precious
and precarious
but we were all too willing
to let it pass
to slip through our fingers
like a sieve.
no more are the days filled
with playing outside
enjoying the warm sunshine
with friends and lemonade.
summers are no longer carefree
always looking forward
to what pretend games will bring.
slaving away at work
earning money
is what it has become.
innocence has been lost
as we are thrust
into real world.
how many times have we now wished
to have heeded our elder's warnings
to enjoy being a kid, to enjoy life
and see things through the eyes of a child.
how many times have we now wished
to turn back time
and return to that wonderful world
that becomes lost to us as we grow.
but time is linear
and all we can do
is enjoy the memories
and move on forward.
i am a little disappointed;
i am a little disappointed
in you, you, and you.
not you, though
you're okay.
but for the rest of you
tsk tsk tsk
and a sigh.
i wonder sometimes
if being nice
is a weakness.
because honestly
it seems to backfire on me
constantly.
what is it that i have done wrong?
is there something i need
to change?
change is good
for the most part.
is that what you all want?
breaking point;
i just want to break down and cry
sometimes
just to let it out
and release myself.
i am strong and weak
all at the same time
and it puts me at the edge
of my seat
waiting for the ride
to stop.
reality versus fantasy
hard to see between the lines
to differentiate the worlds
when they are so connected
in my mind.
crazy, maybe that is what i am
the old lady with twenty cats
living a life that never existed
except only in her mind.
will there be a breaking point
when i forget myself
and lose sight of everything?
losing grip;
psychiatric clinical rotations
helping people who cannot help themselves
providing care
providing hope
providing everything.
but is it they who need saving
or is it me
do i need to be a part of their
assembly
because i feel like i am drowning
i cannot break free.
losing grip, losing, losing
can i stand, can i win
completely.
one-eighty;
one-eighty
upside down
flipped and twisted
suffocating underneath.
misled and confused
broken and bruised
where is the light
where is it?
me, you, theirs
his and hers.
really who's fault
is it?
beautiful place;
what are you waiting for
let's go, go, go
find some adventures
and get lost
in a beautiful place.
nursing diagnosis;
blah blah blah
related to
blah blah blah
as manifested by
blah blah blah.
nursing diagnosis
thou art my enemy.
seventeen years;
seventeen years
almost twenty
where are you
how is your life
not that i honestly care.
as for myself
i'm doing good, thanks
without your help
perfectly.
said the moon;
dry your eyes, said the moon
there's no time to cry.
chin up, said the moon
you've gotta face your fears.
wake up, said the moon
it's time to live again.
life in pen or pencil;
i need a skilled architect
to draw up a blueprint
and redesign my future.
we say we write our lives in pencil
so that we can rewrite and erase
the wrongs and mistakes
that we have done.
but is that true?
because i cannot see it.
that one mistake we make
inked in pen
is hard to remedy
and return to what once was
again.
i am in need of a skilled architect
to help guide my way
and keep me from making
the same mistakes again.
will this not ever end;
will this not ever end, she asks
twiddling her thumbs
and biting her lips
just to pass the time.
she craves for that beautiful sunshine
to beat down on her body
if only just to find out
that she's alive and healthy.
but again and again she'll ask
will this not ever end
to an empty audience
that does not have the answer.
screaming inside;
i'll put a brave front out to the world
so they will never assume
they will never find out
that i am screaming so desperately
inside.
there's only happiness and optimism
around every corner of my eyes
never knowing what's going on
or if i am screaming so desperately
inside.
they ask "how have you been?"
i respond "great, very great."
and we'll keep up our small talk
even though i am screaming
so desperately
inside.
another day will pass
another week will soar
and everyday i keep staring ahead
not giving anyone a chance
to see that i am screaming
so desperately
inside.
hello, hello they said;
hello, hello she said
have you come to stay?
will you be here always
a friend of mine with whom to play?
hello, hello he said
of course i will be here to play
no adventures can you embark
without me to guide the way.
little girls and little boys
climbing across the universe
to magical lands and unknown sights
with royalty they will converse.
and at night when fast asleep
their dreams will continue to soar
learning all that they can grasp
always with a want to know more.
and then i went poof;
i picked up a cat
her fur it did
flutter, flutter, flutter
gently on my shirt.
and then i went poof.
oh my goodness;
oh my goodness
can i hardly dare to believe
that an entire month has almost passed
before i even had the chance to breathe.
tick tock tick tock
time is always ever moving
what has happened each and every day
i do not know, there is no telling.
one year, two years, three years
how fast will they go by?
slowly so i can cherish the time
or gone within the blink of an eye?
i will bottle up my love;
i will bottle up my love
and cast it out into the sea
hoping that it will reach you
the message written from me.
across the many miles
maybe it will reach you
tomorrow, next week, next year
so the future can start anew.
what will be your response
when you see what is sent
will you smile fondly
or cast away and repent?
and after all is said and done
what is it that will remain?
will we cherish all that once was
or hide it forever in shame?
not enough time;
sometimes i just want to curl up
and die
or sleep for eternity
which is essentially the same concept.
i am tired of many things
everything
and i just want it to stop
permanently.
is it too much to ask
for a halt in time
to give me enough hours
to complete what i need to complete.
i wish harry potter and his world were real;
i could use a time-turner right about now.
the stress;
the stress
is back again.
a never-ending
vicious cycle.
can't i have a time-out
to catch my breath?
so young and beautiful;
so young and beautiful
with the world at her feet
and many things to see.
the future was bright
with many undiscovered paths
that she was sure to light up
brilliantly.
so young and beautiful
but in an instant
her future became a blank slate
void of everything
that would never be.
so young and beautiful
with a life cut too short
a flame that went out
before her time.
so young and beautiful
a lesson to be learned
that each day should be treasured
lest it becomes the last.
i'm counting the days;
i'm counting the days
watching them pass
at unbelievable speed.
amazing how it all goes
leaving but a speck
in the dust.
sweet little life;
sweet little life
so much before you
a past which you have never known
with only the present
to guide you.
some day you will know the stories
the family history
although not pretty
is still yours to claim.
sweet little life
keep your head above water
fixate your gaze on the horizon
where your dreams will take flight.
but for now
sleep in blissful darkness
until your eyes open to the world.
sleep for now
for everything has only just begun.
almost there;
almost there
can you see it?
right beyond the horizon
it is there
waiting.
let's push forward
and reach that light.
stop;
STOP!
catch your breath
and relive the moment.
STOP!
take a look around you
and see the beauty
always overlooked.
STOP!
don't question the consequences
but be spontaneous for once
and live out your dreams.
giggles;
hee hee hee
a bottle of giggles
bursting at the brim
with plans to ricochet the cork
on unsuspecting walls and windows.
laughter, smiles, and happiness;
oh the times
of laughter, smiles, and happiness
simply a wonderful stop in time
along the road of many years.
will i remember this night
tomorrow
next week
or twenty years from now?
i truly hope that i will treasure these memories
for many years to come.
falling, drowning, disappearing;
i'm falling, drowning, disappearing
whatever you wish to call it
but the bottom line is
i am losing grip
and losing my sanity.
there's something wrong
isn't there?
there's something missing
somewhere.
can i hold on?
can i manage?
or will i continue along
down the empty black hole
that is never ending?
halt time;
hold your breath and count to ten
take a second to reflect
on your day, your past
and your future.
beauty is found at every corner
even in the most desolate of places.
the key is to believe
and see not with your eyes
but with your heart.
so take a moment to halt time
to ignore the hectic chaos around you
and take that moment for yourself.
little old lady;
she sits there in her rocking chair
dipping back and forth
in a constant rhythm.
staring out into the sun
her mind is nowhere near
her eyes in a vacant stare
as she reminisces.
so many events in her life
that imprinted deeply in her heart
remembering the happy days
as well as every regret
every chance she never took.
she remembers the lovers of her youth
the passion for life she once had
vibrant and young
not this frail little old lady
she had become.
the years had been kind to her
for the most part
always having the bad fruit
every once in awhile.
now she sits and stares
with deep crows feet around her eyes
the evidence of past joy.
she walks on down memory lane
a path she loved to trail
for many hours on end.
no, i am not crazy;
no, i am not crazy
don't call me that.
i have problems that are completely
out of my control.
nature decided to take upon itself
to set out a different course
that would ultimately
create an invisible barrier
between myself and society.
i am maybe a little different
but why do you focus on the things i cannot do
rather than the things i can.
are you really that shallow
or am i really not in your league?
i give advice and tips to people;
i give advice and tips to people
telling them what they should
or shouldn't do.
but i seem to have a hard time
of understanding that it can benefit me as well.
maybe i can talk the talk
but not walk the walk.
sometimes i wonder if i can really stand on my own
if the two feet beneath my teetering body
can support my person.
can i prevail or will i forever be lost?
pressed on time;
pressed on time
suffocating under the elephant
that is crushing my chest.
it is hard to breath through this
to continue on
to see the light
at the end of the tunnel.
a very long tunnel.
i can count the days
until the last minute
the last second
that i am no longer free
and once again a prisoner.
it is a discouraging
yet eradicating thought.
but at this moment
it seems it will never end.
suffocating under the elephant
that is crushing my chest.
it is hard to breath through this
to continue on
to see the light
at the end of the tunnel.
a very long tunnel.
i can count the days
until the last minute
the last second
that i am no longer free
and once again a prisoner.
it is a discouraging
yet eradicating thought.
but at this moment
it seems it will never end.
yesterday;
yesterday has come and gone
like it always has
a definite understanding
accepted without question.
but those memories retained
in those multiple yesterdays
have you held on to them
or have they gone with dying embers
of a fire long gone.
i ask you to believe
to wish up on a star again
and remember the magic
that was intimately integrated
in our very souls.
like it always has
a definite understanding
accepted without question.
but those memories retained
in those multiple yesterdays
have you held on to them
or have they gone with dying embers
of a fire long gone.
i ask you to believe
to wish up on a star again
and remember the magic
that was intimately integrated
in our very souls.
a never-ending cycle;
a never-ending cycle it seems
over and over again
a circular symphony.
is it too much to ask
to be granted release
time to relax
to drift away in endless peace?
the journey is far from over
it will never disappear
a constant companion
a life-long lover
and reluctantly held dear.
over and over again
a circular symphony.
is it too much to ask
to be granted release
time to relax
to drift away in endless peace?
the journey is far from over
it will never disappear
a constant companion
a life-long lover
and reluctantly held dear.
gone again;
gone again have you?
i would have expected
nothing less.
the way your brain works
is remarkable
so unfathomable.
you are simply a work of art.
escape;
there are those who drink their sorrows away
drink away the complications of life
for a more pleasant reality
in blissful darkness.
i am one who reads the night away
long hours put in
reading any material
i can get my hands on.
for me, it puts me in another world
a vast landscape of possibilities
only discovered between covers of a book.
and the process is repeated again, tonight.
perspectives;
let's put it into perspective:
you, me, him, her, it, they
what does it matter, honestly?
if we strive for the same
why can't we see eye-to-eye
why do we only bring to the front
our differences?
we are no different from one another
genetically, we have varying features
blue eyes, blonde hair, brown hair, green eyes.
but biologically, we posses the same exact foundation
two lungs, two kidneys, one liver
one heart.
and obviously different minds.
no matter what you believe:
evolutionary, we all derive from a common ancestor
religiously, we are all brothers and sisters under His name.
and if you believe in neither, we are all human.
so, i ask again
why all the sneers, the jeers, and the hate
can we not open up with a clean slate?
as the saying goes
"united we stand, divided we fall"
shall we allow for everything we have worked
to crumble in our foolish ideations?
thank you for going away;
thank you for going away.
i really appreciate it
because your presence is never wanted.
please grace me with peace
and don't return
for a very long time.
love, me.
there's an ache in my chest;
there's an ache in my chest
right here, next to my heart.
i feel so out of it sometimes
falling into a place
i think i can never pull myself out.
doesn't happen all the time, no
but when it strikes
a thousand needles penetrate me
causing me absolute misery.
maybe there is something wrong with me
twisted and misshapen
beyond recognition
and i can't even stop it
or even beg for help.
here again;
why are you here again?
never punctual but still the same.
not supposed to be here
yet.
please, go away
it is not your time.
family;
family
what is the meaning of this word?
kinship by blood alone
or something more?
holiday gatherings of cheer
absent in many
a solitary existence.
a support system to rely on
a connective circle of love
is this what family is?
some members of which we never meet
for being on the other side of the globe
but by blood, we are a family.
happy, smiling;
happy, smiling
living the perfect life
at the prime of her youth.
but inside she was screaming
weeping for the ears that never heard
and the hearts that never cared.
was it something she missed
what ran amok since her birth
when did everything
go so wrong?
a fool;
you don't really get it do you?
you never really did.
i guess that comes as no surprise
no matter how many times
i tell you.
either you turn a blind eye
you are just a fool.
take your pick
because it doesn't matter to me
anymore.
free from a curse;
let me pit a grave
to bury all the troubles
into the sand
with my stained hands.
let them be washed away
in time, into the sea
where they will disperse
and i will be free from a curse.
to bury all the troubles
into the sand
with my stained hands.
let them be washed away
in time, into the sea
where they will disperse
and i will be free from a curse.
doll;
why don't you ever listen to me?
you stare but never hear
as if the space between your ears
is hollow.
blah blah blah blah
is that all you can comprehend
when my lips part
and words tumble
meaningless as you?
i never needed a doll
i have plenty.
i needed you
but you are faulty
and a disappointment
without a clue.
you stare but never hear
as if the space between your ears
is hollow.
blah blah blah blah
is that all you can comprehend
when my lips part
and words tumble
meaningless as you?
i never needed a doll
i have plenty.
i needed you
but you are faulty
and a disappointment
without a clue.
shine down on me again;
shine down on me again
because i am needing your guidance
in this turbulent time
of my life.
bumpy roads before me
stick and stones that break me
and words that are burned in my heart.
over and over again
it never seems to end
a constant circle
absent of cutting corners.
free me once again
once more i need you
once more i plead you
to hear my stentorian whispers.
because i am needing your guidance
in this turbulent time
of my life.
bumpy roads before me
stick and stones that break me
and words that are burned in my heart.
over and over again
it never seems to end
a constant circle
absent of cutting corners.
free me once again
once more i need you
once more i plead you
to hear my stentorian whispers.
driving to the future;
driving down the highway again
passing cars left and right
watching a blur of color roll by me.
trees are aligned on the side of the road
trees, trees, and more trees
and the city far behind me.
out on the open road
going a thousand miles per hour
zipping past the exit ramps
of different pathways to life.
where is my perfect exit
the destiny made just for me?
i will keep on driving forward
into the horizon of the setting sun
always on the look out
for my future.
passing cars left and right
watching a blur of color roll by me.
trees are aligned on the side of the road
trees, trees, and more trees
and the city far behind me.
out on the open road
going a thousand miles per hour
zipping past the exit ramps
of different pathways to life.
where is my perfect exit
the destiny made just for me?
i will keep on driving forward
into the horizon of the setting sun
always on the look out
for my future.
is death;
is death the cause for heartache and sorrow
or a cause for celebration
at knowing our loved ones are now at peace
in a place void of hardship.
is death an unfair advantage
or is it a godsend blessing
of poor souls who are ravaged
by unsuccessful chemotherapy.
is death the end of life
or the beginning of another adventure
that we have yet to experience.
or a cause for celebration
at knowing our loved ones are now at peace
in a place void of hardship.
is death an unfair advantage
or is it a godsend blessing
of poor souls who are ravaged
by unsuccessful chemotherapy.
is death the end of life
or the beginning of another adventure
that we have yet to experience.
smile, cheese, and click;
smile, cheese, and click.
capturing memories
one snapshot at a time
to be remembered
fifty years from now.
candid shots of gazing into the horizon
that only exists in the mind
listening the crashing waves of the ocean
and the call of seagulls
in the middle of a land-locked state.
old photos of times forgotten
straight, emotionless facades
that stare back at us.
what were they thinking?
what were they doing?
what mystery surrounds them
that we can only dream about?
let us flip through albums
of dated and new pictures
recollecting the exhilaration
that we felt at the time.
photos of family vacations
filled with joy and excitement.
or scenery shots from a road trip
relishing in the prospects
of uncharted destinations.
so
smile, cheese, and click
let us make the memories together
that will last us a lifetime
and generations to come.
capturing memories
one snapshot at a time
to be remembered
fifty years from now.
candid shots of gazing into the horizon
that only exists in the mind
listening the crashing waves of the ocean
and the call of seagulls
in the middle of a land-locked state.
old photos of times forgotten
straight, emotionless facades
that stare back at us.
what were they thinking?
what were they doing?
what mystery surrounds them
that we can only dream about?
let us flip through albums
of dated and new pictures
recollecting the exhilaration
that we felt at the time.
photos of family vacations
filled with joy and excitement.
or scenery shots from a road trip
relishing in the prospects
of uncharted destinations.
so
smile, cheese, and click
let us make the memories together
that will last us a lifetime
and generations to come.
2010;
my, my, my
good bye 2009
and hello 2010!
ten years we have been in this millennium
this century
and it seemed to have gone by so fast.
five years ago, i graduated from high school
half a decade.
ten years ago i left behind an old chapter
of my childhood life.
and one of the best years of my life, 2007
took place in your last ten years.
so what will the future bring?
what will the next ten years look like?
i am excited and nervous
for what new horizons you will open up for me
and what new adventures are awaiting
to be embarked, explored, and conquered.
and it is only the beginning.
good bye 2009
and hello 2010!
ten years we have been in this millennium
this century
and it seemed to have gone by so fast.
five years ago, i graduated from high school
half a decade.
ten years ago i left behind an old chapter
of my childhood life.
and one of the best years of my life, 2007
took place in your last ten years.
so what will the future bring?
what will the next ten years look like?
i am excited and nervous
for what new horizons you will open up for me
and what new adventures are awaiting
to be embarked, explored, and conquered.
and it is only the beginning.
you are a miracle;
you are a miracle
a tiny living being
birthed from nothing
but a single cell.
welcome to the world.
wave hello
and face the wonders
with a brave front.
times may be tough for you
but remember, you are strong.
you were born to live through the hardships
and overcome the obstacles
so that you can appreciate
the things that matter most.
home, love, and family
never take these for granted
and live to the fullest
because life is a precious gift
that you can live through only once.
a tiny living being
birthed from nothing
but a single cell.
welcome to the world.
wave hello
and face the wonders
with a brave front.
times may be tough for you
but remember, you are strong.
you were born to live through the hardships
and overcome the obstacles
so that you can appreciate
the things that matter most.
home, love, and family
never take these for granted
and live to the fullest
because life is a precious gift
that you can live through only once.
goodbye 2009;
goodbye two thousand and nine
it was great to have you around
but it is now time to let you go.
less than twenty-four hours
you have to live
before you die forever.
i hope the memories you created
will hold dear to your heart
and never be forgotten.
remember the days
that we took for granted
and let them live on
in our souls
even after we depart this earth.
so, two thousand and nine
i salute you
and wish you the best of luck
on the journey into the books of history
and into the past.
it was great to have you around
but it is now time to let you go.
less than twenty-four hours
you have to live
before you die forever.
i hope the memories you created
will hold dear to your heart
and never be forgotten.
remember the days
that we took for granted
and let them live on
in our souls
even after we depart this earth.
so, two thousand and nine
i salute you
and wish you the best of luck
on the journey into the books of history
and into the past.
afterwards;
She laid on her white bed, in her white room, with white walls. She tried to focus her eyes, but found it very difficult to do so. All she could see was not reality, but the world she could only ever dream about. She rolled over onto her side, staring at the clock at her bedside. Four in the afternoon. Ugh. Time did move by so very slow. How much longer?
As always her mind betrayed her, sending her into another world, the place that she held dear to her heart. How many years has it been? Five? Ten? She began to lose count after the first couple. Maybe it was seven. No, it was thirteen. Thirteen long years since that beautiful time. And she longed so dearly to return.
She could still smell the sweet grass, the ocean surrounding the place blue and clear as diamonds. She could still feel the steam on her face as she scrubbed the bathhouse, a novice, but hardworking. And she could still remember, oh how could she ever forget, his beautiful face, the warmth of his palms in her own. The heartbreaking separation necessary for the both of them.
Has he forgotten her? The promise they made to one day meet again? It felt like it, after all of these years. She couldn't remember why she had to leave in the first place. All she knew was that it was essential to her survival. And look where it got her - in a mental institute, courtesy of her parents because they believed she had finally lost it. Years of lounging in her room, staring out into the sky for hours, endless hours. She became withdrawn after that trip down the tunnel. They thought her changed for the better, but it instead became steadily worse, taking a 180-degree turn.
She closed her eyes for what seemed the millionth time, hoping to see a glance of him. She saw nothing but darkness behind her closed eyelids. She sighed for the millionth time. So instead, she lulled herself to sleep, for it was only in her dreams was she truly happy. Because she would be in the world she truly belonged. With him.
[inspiration: spirited away and love]
As always her mind betrayed her, sending her into another world, the place that she held dear to her heart. How many years has it been? Five? Ten? She began to lose count after the first couple. Maybe it was seven. No, it was thirteen. Thirteen long years since that beautiful time. And she longed so dearly to return.
She could still smell the sweet grass, the ocean surrounding the place blue and clear as diamonds. She could still feel the steam on her face as she scrubbed the bathhouse, a novice, but hardworking. And she could still remember, oh how could she ever forget, his beautiful face, the warmth of his palms in her own. The heartbreaking separation necessary for the both of them.
Has he forgotten her? The promise they made to one day meet again? It felt like it, after all of these years. She couldn't remember why she had to leave in the first place. All she knew was that it was essential to her survival. And look where it got her - in a mental institute, courtesy of her parents because they believed she had finally lost it. Years of lounging in her room, staring out into the sky for hours, endless hours. She became withdrawn after that trip down the tunnel. They thought her changed for the better, but it instead became steadily worse, taking a 180-degree turn.
She closed her eyes for what seemed the millionth time, hoping to see a glance of him. She saw nothing but darkness behind her closed eyelids. She sighed for the millionth time. So instead, she lulled herself to sleep, for it was only in her dreams was she truly happy. Because she would be in the world she truly belonged. With him.
[inspiration: spirited away and love]
another long and sleepless night;
another long and sleepless night
that has graced me once again
uninvitingly invading the patterns of my brain
my circadian rhythms and cycles.
i am tired of these lonesome nights
and i wish instead to enter
the world of dreams
where my fantasies can play out.
sleep gods, where are you?
why are you ignoring my pleas
of much needed sleep?
i miss the rise of the morning sun
because i am knocked out
finally catching my sleep
at four in the morning.
i seem to waste half of my day
because i wake in the afternoon
or at least late morning.
i am tired of playing this game
i forfeit, i am far too old to compete
so can we please go to bed?
that has graced me once again
uninvitingly invading the patterns of my brain
my circadian rhythms and cycles.
i am tired of these lonesome nights
and i wish instead to enter
the world of dreams
where my fantasies can play out.
sleep gods, where are you?
why are you ignoring my pleas
of much needed sleep?
i miss the rise of the morning sun
because i am knocked out
finally catching my sleep
at four in the morning.
i seem to waste half of my day
because i wake in the afternoon
or at least late morning.
i am tired of playing this game
i forfeit, i am far too old to compete
so can we please go to bed?
ugh, not again;
ugh, not again
i can feel it
another headache
waging war on my person
again.
painful aches pulsate relentlessly.
acetaminophen, ibuprofen
somebody, something
free me fro my agony.
i cannot bear it much longer
please
bring me to my sweet release
and let me sleep in peace.
i can feel it
another headache
waging war on my person
again.
painful aches pulsate relentlessly.
acetaminophen, ibuprofen
somebody, something
free me fro my agony.
i cannot bear it much longer
please
bring me to my sweet release
and let me sleep in peace.
i can hear the sweet lullabies;
i can hear the sweet lullabies
you whisper in my ears
so very softly.
i can feel your arms wrapped around me
your fingers dancing a symphony
spider-like on my palms.
i can see your closed eyes
at peace with the world
as i gently kiss your lips.
and i can still remember
when we were young and in love
so many years ago
a fire that never died.
aha;
aha!
like a light bulb switching on
realization has dawned
on her once again.
like a light bulb switching on
realization has dawned
on her once again.
how could she have forgotten
all that was most important
in her life?
stupid and naive she was
but now has a new outlook
on the future.
on growing older;
older, i am becoming. it is hard to believe how fast these last few years has gone by. the end of the year is near, in only three more days. 2010 will mark the year i turn twenty-three. my god. i feel an ache deep in my chest when i think about birthdays and another year gone by. i sometimes wish to go back in time, start over, or at least stay forever young. if i could chose any one power, immortality would be mine. of course, there the people who i love will pass on without me, while i am stuck in limbo between life and death. but the wonders i could see, as i am quite interested in what the future holds. will we live in space, inhabit other worlds, conquer new galaxies? or will the thread of time be discovered and i could go back again and again to the point of origin?
but back to the topic at hand, the bane of humanity's existence: aging. growing older mentally and physically. childhood games we once played hold no significant meaning to us, any longer. we grow to enter the world of working men and women, to contribute to society. i don't wish to think about aging. i don't wish to think about the day i turn forty-five, for it frightens me a great deal. and i don't wish to think about the day when the ones i love most deeply succumb to the sweet darkness and release of death.
i am both excited and scared of growing older. maybe i am just missing a few screws in my head?
brrrr;
brrrr!
it is quite chilly outside
even if there is no snow
or icicles hanging from shingles.
but the breath becomes visible
as we laugh with friends
in the winter weather.
mittens and thick overcoats
become our signature look
to battle shivering bodies.
and when the snow does begin to fall
it will cast a white blanket on the world
creating a beautiful winter wonderland.
religion;
religion is a very touchy subject
many have been persecuted
martyrs in their own rights
for not following the beliefs
of their so-called superiors.
they all claim their faith is true
and redemption can only be achieved
through their path alone.
but is that so?
what if they all pray
to the same higher force, being?
does that not make them all true believers
or possibly all heretics
depending on the spectrum?
we are all people
with two arms, two legs
and one beating heart.
we are one of the most intellectually
and mental advanced species
that inhabit the earth today.
yet, we allow little thing called religion
stand before us
as a barrier to great things to come.
i am a literary warrior;
i am a literary warrior
armed only with my pen, paper
and imagination.
i can change the course of history
by manipulating a set of words.
it is my skill
with which i was proclaimed general
of my army of soldiers:
the genres battalion.
it is they who do my bidding
the ones who caress the minds
of the people who read them.
they bring up the feelings in my audience
of love lost
or angered betrayal
fueled by sarcasm or witty phrases.
we can control the thoughts and feelings
of our unsuspecting audience
because when they begin to read
they release a Pandora's box
and instigate a war on words.
cha cha cha;
cha cha cha
dance a tango
or a rondo with me.
the rhythm of our love
balanced
in perfect harmony.
torment me;
why do you continue to torment me?
it is getting quite old
and i am tired of it.
hah, although i cannot speak
about you and how you haunt me
because you are unaware
that you are even doing it.
whoops, i suppose it is all
in my head
my very own fantasy.
i want a unique name;
i want a unique name
something different
and beautiful.
quite unnerving
to have the same name
as many others out there
unoriginal.
and frustrating to never come first
in search engines.
who is this other girl?
that one, in alaska.
or the other one across
the other side of the world
in australia.
but i rest assured
that even if my name
is not unique
my person is.
call me;
call me
i'm on the other line
waiting to hear your voice
again and again.
i am a listening ear
a vessel for your troubles
and jubilant happenings.
you aren't going to call
are you?
it figures
as you never called
before.
conversation takes two
but this was always
a one-line call.
reckless;
reckless
and stupid i once was.
never again will i make
that mistake
again.
simply not worth it.
money brings headache;
i wish i could be a child again
or at least a few years younger
where i didn't know the troubles
that money could bring
or lack of.
maybe it's selfish of me
to want to forget it
but i have never felt as stressed
as i am now.
i hate the fact that money
is the central point of life
without it
we starve
with it
we cannot appreciate what we have.
having to look into the u.s. military
to fund my schooling
and alleviate the stress
of day-to-day living.
i pray for a miracle
megamillions, anyone?
not to buy the fancy house
and the sleek cars
with designer commodities.
no, to know that i have a place to live
without having to worry
if we will lose everything
we have worked so hard for.
i am afraid of you sometimes, you know;
i am afraid you sometimes, you know
you are the epitome of perfect
something that i can never be.
but maybe that is a good thing
for while i have my faults
i can grow
while you are stuck in space
neither moving backward nor forward.
do you remember the last time;
do you remember the last time
that we held hands
and kissed passionately?
wherever did those days disappear
days spent basking the sun
deciphering the pictures in the clouds
wishing for the sunset to never come.
have you purged those memories from your mind
abandoned on a greyhound to nowhere
a train with no destination.
it seems only yesterday
we were caught in a fervent embrace
and like a jigsaw puzzle
we fit perfectly.
but it is evident that all good things
must come to an end
as love is never
forever.
let us throw our troubles;
let us throw our troubles
to the wind
and escape to a world
that fulfills our fantasies.
there can be another reality
that awaits us
if we only learn to let go
and leave the past behind.
have you forgotten your imagination
have you forgotten them all?
close your eyes
hold your breath
and with a leap of faith
dive into the adventure
of the unknown.
scribbles #4
she flushed a bright pink
like a fever that coursed
through her body.
the beginnings of sweet
puppy love.
i have dreamed about you;
i have dreamed about you
on several occasions
and i feel like a school girl
all over again
experiencing teenage crushes.
i already know that we will never be
simply because we are probably
incompatible.
so all i can do
is keep my composure
and interact with you normally
wanting you from afar
as i have always done.
love;
i remember the days of childhood
of being immersed in fairy tales
fantastical worlds of knights and dragons
and of course prince and princesses.
and like every other girl
i have dreamed of my prince charming
the man who would sweep me off my feet
and carry me away to his kingdom
far, far away, once upon a time.
but i know that fairy tale dreams
rarely come true
or at least not like stories.
but there is love out there
that although it is not how we dreamed of
but still surpasses our wildest imaginations.
relationships i have had
here and there
but nothing of substantial meaning.
and i hope to one day find that love
a love like no other
that was meant just for me.
sometimes, i just want to let go;
sometimes, i just want to let go
leave everything i know behind
and embark on a new journey
with no limitations or inhibitions.
we are born with the greatest gift of all
and we spend it slaving away laboriously
to obtain that perfect future
of a career, family, and a home
with a white picket fence.
i want to die with the memories
of all the adventures and places
i have yet to see.
i am ready for a change
i am ready to disappear
to the dense amazon rainforest
or to the arctic glaciers of the poles.
life is lived only once
and i want to make worthwhile
and the best.
human trafficking;
she sat on the hard, cold ground
feet close together
her arms wrapped around her shivering legs.
the sound of fear cloaked her body
the screams and landing punches
reverberating in her ears.
she whispered a mantra
over and over again
trying to block out the horrible reality
hoping to wake up from a dream.
a carefree trip this was supposed to be
but instead she was coerced to another world.
the things she would see, they said
if she would only join their tour.
the biggest mistake of her life.
the cries of unreciprocated sex
seeped from the other room
into her own.
involuntary muscle twitches
shook her figure violently
as she knew it would not be long
before she was next
an unwilling prostitute.
it was something that never crossed her thought
human trafficking.
she never believed this form of slavery existed
in the world today
an underground criminal franchise
where profit exceeds millions
as do captives.
all she could do now
was close her eyes
accept her fate
and hope someone would come
and rescue her.
why should i bother with you;
why should i bother with you
it's over, it's done
i'm through.
i tried, i really did
but you didn't see it
and i'm tired of playing games
with you, over and over.
call me a bitch
but you started it.
i did all i could
but you seemed to not even care
at all.
every morning she squints her eyes;
every morning she squints her eyes
against the harsh morning light
and drags herself out of bed
to her vanity table.
with dark circles under her eyes
she beings to put on her face
painting a portrait she does not recognize
anymore.
when did this all begin, again
and again she wonders
for the umpteenth time it seems.
she combs the long blonde hair
illuminated with imaginary luster
that was never hers to begin with.
she stares at the perfect, smiling face
beaming before her
her unknown reflection.
this beautiful stranger in the mirror
was the masterpiece of many years, many dollars
and many surgeries
all for the desire to be perfect.
and perfect she did become
stopping the hearts of men
and traffic alike.
but was it all worth it?
she lost many
and gained little.
women hated her
men wanted her.
to personify society's definition of beauty
was something coveted.
but it came with a price
and she gave up the most important feature of her person:
her individuality.
death;
death
is the inevitable
the last milestone to life.
but to die young
as children
is a devastating and unfair
predicament.
life is precious
and only given once.
to have only a few, beautiful years
under the belt
is heart-wrenching
and no child should have to face that fate.
childhood dreams;
what did happen
to those memories
of childhood days
filled with heroic dreams
and stuffed animals.
have we forgotten the foundation
of our present existence?
our personalities are built upon
our childhood
and the imaginary games we played
once upon a time.
as we grow up
we put behind our kindergarden treasures
of pet rocks and magical lands
trying so very hard
to be grown-up.
and now, we have hit that pinnacle
of being a "grown-up".
we have graduated from our silly games
that we used to play
on the playground.
we are now in the real world
working, with careers
no longer in a fantasy land
but facing the responsibilities
of a game called life.
where have those days gone
the memories we lived for.
a thousand pictures i can imagine
for a single word: childhood.
it seems we have all but forgotten
the most precious things
like colorful stickers
or the sixty-four pack of crayons
that served as collateral
in childhood gambles.
for me, the highlight of my childhood
was almost fourteen years ago
where life-defining play
left a mark on my heart.
and i frequently relive those memories
of playing "magic"
climbing trees
and a sleepover game.
such a short period of time, three years
but they were one of the best
of my childhood.
you are the red to my wine;
you are the red to my wine
the breeze to my summer nights
and the sun of my brightest afternoons.
like iced tea, we go hand in hand
together.
in the cold of winter
you and i fall downward
dancing a fairy tale dream
as snowflakes raining from the sky.
we are but two individuals
alone, although together
even in the bustling mall
in the frenzy of holiday shopping.
it is cold now outside;
it is cold now outside
and she sits by the fireplace
that glows no flame
beside the dilapidated christmas tree
that would bring no joy that night.
the melancholic look in her eyes
is enough to scare the ghosts
of christmas past, present, and future
from knocking on her door.
alone she felt
like the lonely stars in the sky
whose feeble glow
attracts no one.
there was nothing in her heart
that she so desired.
an empty hole
beating endlessly
to the tune of lost time.
and so she continued to sit
looking out the glass windows
watching for the sun, over the mountain peaks
the sun that would never rise nor shine
even in her darkest of days.
You may have thought;
You may have thought
I had forgotten the memories
That I was far too young
To remember
That I was only
A child.
But, you are wrong
I remember the intricate details
Like the back of my hand.
Granted, I may not have remembered
Everything
But what I do remember
Is etched deep in the synapses
Of my brain.
There were memories that were good
And then the ones that were bad
That terrified me
And made my cringe from you.
Some things are best left buried
Deep in my chest
But those are the things
That may have made me stronger
And the person who I am today.
she should have known;
she should have known
that forever wouldn't last
as long as she had hoped.
foolish, childish dreams
girlhood fantasies
were all they were meant
to be.
betrayal brutally stabbed her hard
and she cried waves of tears
that cascaded down her pink cheeks.
she felt like a thoughtless girl
reading between the lines
that never existed at all.
so she packed her bags
and set off on a new journey
to forget about the past
and the years she wasted there.
eventually, she found joy and happiness
once again.
her broken heart and shattered soul
mended, slowly but surely.
and she was able to move on
surrounding herself with the good in life.
and never again would she experience
that painful, throbbing ache in her chest.
Take my hand, he said;
Take my hand, he said
I will guide you, protect you;
Your ears will never hear harsh words
And your eyes will never cry tears
This I will promise.
And so she let him take her
Over the mountainous peaks
Across the galactic seas
And into the starry skies
Into another galaxy.
New and unusual things she did see
Under his watchful gaze
Never allowing her to stray
Keeping her close as prey.
And never did he break his promise to her
For many years to come
Loved and wanted she felt
As he did in turn.
Memories together they created
Pure as the hearts beating in their chests
And as rare as diamonds and emeralds.
Two souls and two fates
Intertwined by the will of destiny
Always to linger
For eternity.
the end was near;
the end was near
and she saw the light
at the end of the tunnel
comforting and bright.
it opened up wide
wanting to swallow her whole
to forever keep her near, and safe.
quit playing games;
quit playing games
let's put it on the back burner
hidden behind forgotten boxes
and moth eaten clothes.
old jokes have become stale
collecting dust
on imaginary punch lines.
so let's put it on the back burner
lost among a bucket of marbles
between nineteenth century paintings
and your great-grandmother's
worthless - or is it priceless - heirlooms.
beauty;
beauty
only skin deep?
look at her mind and see
strength, poise, potential, brilliance, and
promise.
i'm spiraling downward;
i'm spiraling downward
completely out of control
with no way to halt
my momentum, my roll.
which is up and which is down
it's all the same around me
inability to differentiate
lost in a sea of colorless scenery.
onward and onward
an endless fall from eternity
no rest stops on the way
a sightless journey.
a christmas ornament;
a christmas ornament
he held in his hand
his face reflecting
in the vibrant green.
but then
he squeezed too tight
and it shattered
the shards stained crimson
like my heart.
so, i should be studying;
so, i should be studying
for final exams
this week.
but my mind refuses
to cooperate.
it's filled with nonsensical musings
completely unrelated
to nursing.
it's filled with dinner parties
christmas lights
and sleep.
i have less than twenty-four hours
until my first exam
for which i have not cracked open
the books.
i am completely
and utterly over this semester.
i do not wish to think about the multiple
drugs
that i must memorize
or diabetic insulin peaks.
granted, it is important
but i am simply
over it.
She danced gracefully;
She danced gracefully
Nimble on her tiny feet
With perfectly pointed toes.
She danced a symphony
Not guided by music
But by her heart
And the beats of her life.
Alone in her fairy tale world
Existing only in her mind
She flew across the stage
Fulfilling girlhood dreams.
She danced to the 3/4 beat
Faster, faster
Then slower, slower
Coming to an achingly slow stop.
She paused, breathing heavily
Perspiration beading her forehead
From the many hours of practicing
Nonstop.
A little ballerina
Running on auto
And Energizer it seems.
The dance consumed her very soul
A cascade of thoughts that ran in tune
In the only place where she was free
And uninhibited.
Where her dreams became reality
Where broken hopes were revived
But sadly, only in her mind
For this crippled prodigy.
scribbles #1
there was something brilliant in her eyes
a passion that burned
not with fire but with love.
there was something sinister in his eyes
a passion that burned
not with fire, but with corruption.
there was something tragic in their eyes
a passion that burned
not with fire, but with despair.
and just a dream;
there was a dream in which i felt fear and sadness. it was a corruption of my feelings, and something i would never wish for. two young girls, killed in a park by wild wolves. i remember being there, watching, helpless, and unable to stop the scenario before me. but then the scene shifted, the light of death fading from my vision.
i was sitting in a room, alone with another woman. i asked her if the funeral had already taken place. she said yes. it was at that moment that i felt the greatest sadness towards the two children. i would never see their shining smiles, their bright faces, or their beautiful laughs. i remember holding the youngest when she was an infant, new to the world. and so very few years she had before she was brutally taken away.
i awoke, and still felt the sadness that lingered, over my heavy heart. but with awakening came relief, knowing that dire fate was merely a dream. and just a dream it would remain.
i was in a dream once again;
i was in a dream once again
and you were there, beside me.
we held hands as we walked
along a deserted path
in the park.
we wandered aimlessly
for what seemed like hours
though, it may have been
merely minutes.
there was a lake
to which we drew near
seeing the calm water
absent of ripples.
and then, you were gone.
where did you go?
were you a figment of my imagination
just a dream, a coveted desire.
unfulfilled you left me
haunted
by the brief memories.
come meet me at the horizon;
come meet me at the horizon
where the sky touches the ocean
a thin line
barely discernible.
we'll dance on the beach
leaving footprints in the sand
as they blow away in the wind.
come meet me at the coffee shop
and we'll muse over hot coffee
about everything that comes to mind
the memories that will eventually fade.
come meet me in the middle of nowhere
with the mountains as our natural backdrop
giggling, frolicking in the
dandelion and sunflower covered
open plains.
come meet me in the jungle
where we'll run and hide from elephants
and spy on tigers lying in trees
holding our breaths
enchanted and free.
come meet me at the end of time
where we will relish our existence
of the past, the history
that will forever go on
in our hearts.
i feel the raindrops fall;
i feel the raindrops fall
like the tears of forgotten memories
lost in the continuum of time
a million years into the past.
an infinity, the universe will age
until a cosmic catastrophe
will plunge it out of
existence.
deciphering ancient hieroglyphics
leads us to
stories untold and riddles unsolved
history lost
gone forevermore.
time is linear
or so we assume.
are there other branches
of what ifs and alternate worlds
universes closely parallel to our own
yet so very different.
does the butterfly effect exist
and has it changed history?
can we change the world?
or are we controlled?
our thoughts and feelings:
are they our own?
because science suggests
that chemical receptors
are at the core of our mental processes.
and disrupted pathways between brain lobes
can alter our personality.
who are we to say
that the world is the way it is
computed by complicated
mathematical formulas
and scientific research.
perhaps we do not control the world.
perhaps all its phenomena
are the works of a higher being
unseen by the naked, feeble human eye
and instead must be discovered
through heart and soul.
and is there life after death
is there a heaven, hell, limbo
or nothing?
are we celestial beings in human forms
or will we fade into the backdrop of time
as minute dust particles
of minor significance?
questions always asked
but never answered.
mysteries that can not be explained
but only theorized.
that is the world we inhabit.
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