god;

god
i used to believe in you
and then i didn't for a long time.
but now i am hanging in limbo.
i don't know who you are yet
i am slowly figuring it out
but i still have my doubts.

when in desperation
i call out to you
when i need someone to talk to
i seek you out.
but i still can't work it.

my mind and heart are at a cross-section
a fork in the road, if you will.
from a purely science point-of-view
you cannot possibly exist
as all phenomena can be evaluated
in black and white.
natural disasters do not befall humanity
because of a god's anger and displeasure.
it can be explained in scientific terms.

and let's not get started
on how old the earth is.

but from a spiritual standpoint
someone has to exist.
but there are many religions to choose from
and the question is, which is the right one?
aren't they all right, if only to have something to believe?

and if we are the product of a higher being
and we carry out their will
doesn't my indecision and uncertainty
stem from said higher being?
and wouldn't it mean
that atheists are atheists
because god made them so?

as you can see, god
whoever you may be
whatever you may be
this has made me run around in circles
my thoughts jumbled and in disarray
in trying to decipher the hieroglyphics.

but in the end
it is my own choice
as to who i believe you to be.
would it be wrong for me to make you up
and to mold you into how i think god should be?
or is that itself heresy
and must i pick one and only one
to base my faith upon that alone?

i do not know what to do
you really can be confusing.