blog has moved;

thank you dearly for sticking it out with me here on blogspot.
this blog shall remain here, but future posts will be housed on tumblr.

you can find me HERE. (xreveriies.tumblr.com)

it has been a great ride here.

thank you.

she said, he said;

i am so tired, she said
i am ready to quit, she said
what is the point of all this, she said
is it over yet, she said

hold on fast, he said
do not think such sad thoughts, he said
you are in the driver's seat, he said
lead your life and write your story, he said

dreams and hopes;

up in the stars
     way way way up high
          that is where dreams are made

our innermost desires
     the flecks of our souls
          so bright and beautiful

never let them put you down
     they simply cannot see the beauty
          of having such wonderful hopes come alive

curious and quirky soul;

curious and quirky soul
gentle but with a hint of courage
soft-spoken but fierce in her own right
sometimes seen as minor
but surely pivotal

imagination in the clouds
but incredibly perceptive
seeing what others cannot
no changing it
no matter the ridicule she faces

a sure and steadfast friend
always reliable and wiling to fight

she has a heart of ruby and gold.

just who do you think you are?

just who do you think you are?
to play god, think you’re above all
who are you to decide
who is more important
who are you to decide
who gets to live or die?

you’re nothing but a fraud
cruel and cursed to the bone
there is no innocence or good
the rights you condone
nothing but twisted thoughts of your own

you don’t deserve leniency
jail is simply a daycare
for you to waste your days
and death is far too kind

you deserve:
"an eye for an eye"
as they deserve:
"do to others and you would have them do to you"

you call it inhumane?
people like you, you’re not human.

puppy;

puppy
friendly, playful
full of youthful life
never-ending days to pass by
great life

never gonna catch me;

gotta run away
feet pounding
heart racing
no end, not yet
keep on moving

out of breath
no stopping now
never, ever
fighting the demons
ever pursuant
each step erasing
the one before

resolution?
not a chance
never gonna stop running
no rest for the weary
never gonna catch me

butterfly;

we were bound to soar
because we are butterflies

we spread our wings wide
jump off, take flight

we are beautiful in our own right.

thunder;

thunder
falling rain drops
soothing sound to slumber
its peaceful rolling melody
caress.

a million words;

a million words
simple phrases
stories to be told
twenty six little letters

hold the meaning to our world
our existence to be put on paper

we pass on our legacies
to the next generation
and the next
and the next
and the next

never fading or forgotten
permanent records we create
guiding the future.

new life;

new life
precious treasure
hopes and dreams to be had
an entire future waiting
baby.

life: journey of choices;

life is a journey of choices
futures are created and altered
by the smallest of decisions
what may seem minuscule
could be life-altering
never believe  you cannot change the world
for the world is always changing you.

mother;

mother
kind-hearted soul
sharing love with her child
unconditional sacrifice
great heart.

tripping through fields;

i am tripping through the fields

of daffodils and tulips

with dandelions kicked into the wind

floating away, free as can be.

the wide open plains

a blank canvas for my imagination

to build a life, and a future.

nonsensical musings will push me to the edge

slowly breathing in a deep breath

letting it out as i fall
spiraling out of control

tumbling gracefully downwards.

there will be an end.

white rabbit;

white rabbit, white rabbit
the key to all adventure
she fell down the hole because of you
so alluring your aura was

white rabbit, white rabbit
anamorphic creature
your lips spill of fantastical worlds
how could she deny
your tempting words

white rabbit, white rabbit
ensnare her you have
she became yours
the moment you blessed her sight
with unearthly creations

white rabbit, white rabbit
see to it that you do not lead her astray
she depends on you for guidance
to become the defender
the champion of wonderland

conscience;

conscience
good bad right wrong
two sides to every coin
that little voice inside our heads
listen

heroes;

heroes
we all need one
their origins and super powers vary
they can fight our world's battles
with aliens from afar

or simply be that listening ear
a shoulder to cry on
when all seems hopeless

not all heroes wear capes
or wield extraordinary skills
they can be found found
in the most unlikely of places
and many times overlooked

they is a hero in all of us
if we only know where to look

we are heroes to someone else
even if often times we do not realize it

secret;

secret
whispered thoughts
inklings of hope
sweet little dreams
imagine them all
for they are yours

fly away;

fly away
fly fly fly
spread your wings
go forth, take flight
your dreams are alive
the world is open
the universe is yours to take

alive;

beep. beep. beep. beep.

constant and ever present

seemingly annoying but oddly comforting

like crickets chirping on a warm summer evening

relish that background noise

monotone musical note

it means you're alive

chocolate delight;

so sweet, a little treat
tantalizingly amazing
drool-worthy and delicious
subtle but electric hints to taste buds
not asking for much, tiny morsel
yum yum yum, simple pleasures
heavenly chocolate delight

hospital;

the continuous beeps and noises

provides little comfort

in the stark white room

devoid of any personality

it is a not a place of relaxation

despite the number of times they tell you

this place of healing

often times has the opposite mental effect

uncertainty and hopelessness - common emotions

strict regimens of prescriptioned health

no choice in the matter

not really knowing what is going on

trust is the biggest driving factor

people become numbers

and numbers become money

in the end, despite it all

it really is a business

24/7 it admits, treats, and discharges

a cyclic repetitive process

that is the american hospital system.

[5/29/2013]

simple musings;

simple musings
on a warm summer evening
gentle breezes
carrying the music of birds

alone but only the thoughts in the mind
smallest of comforts
idle hands with twiddling thumbs
sweet relaxation
a much needed reprieve

the setting of the sun
tickles one from their reverie
a magnificent sight to behold
we are all part of nature's circle.

[5/29/2013]

timeline;

a little mishap, one tiny mistake
falling backwards in a black hole
erasing a number of years
hurtling into the past

new places, new faces
new identities, new memories
no way to jump start to the beginning
slow and easy does it
start counting the years back to her old present

joining a somewhat familiar circle of friends
of ones who have been long dead
all the tiny pinpricks to her heart
the disasters that were sure to come
for one cannot meddle with time

with a new timeline comes new hurdles
a new set of best friends
and an unlikely source for love
with a teenager who has not quite
become the cantankerous solitary man

opposites may attract
but similarities set the foundation
book-loving, studious, and curious
two peas in a pod
however often they may bicker

one life may have been inevitably changed
with that little slip to twenty years past
but so has another, and one for the better
a new timeline filled with love
the greatest weapon against evil.

we weren't born yesterday;

we weren't born yesterday
but we still have a long way to go
never too late to pursue our dreams
the only regrets we have
are the moments never taken.

ourselves;

she's seen

she's known

she's become

it's achingly painful

beautifully painted

like the sad soulful moon above

twists and turns

tunnels and hoops

the path is never linear

we all run around in circles

the way we get there does matter

those experiences shape us

and distinguish us from others

our own destinies are shaped

upon the choices we make

we all have seen

we all have known

and we all become

ourselves.

forever young;

stop counting the years gone by
they will catch up to you
and you will your age multiply

time is meant to go on forward
no more living in the past
there is no time for that
we have lives to live

do not think of the past in numbers
but in memories
that will always bring smiles to our faces
no matter how many wrinkles grace our complexion

in our hearts, we are forever young

living lives;

life is full of tragedies
like shakespearean poetry
it mingles in our daily existence
there is no way to escape

but even in death, life and hope can be discovered
there is always a future to behold
always a positive outlook to be promised
if only one can look in the right places

there is no discovery without sacrifice
to find one deviant of light means to forego another
but as long as that leads to the ultimate goal
of being happy with oneself
there is no shame in losing possibilities

we shine brightly, even if others put us down
we are unique in our own ways
and what makes us different, makes us beautiful

we all have our own light at the end of the tunnel
no matter the tragedies and lost lives we may encounter

we must always take our chances
our decisions impacts the rest of futures
but we cannot find what we are looking for
if we are afraid of living our lives.

happy;

happy
the brighter days
glowing like the high sun
we feel the flame that flickers deep
our hope.

happiness;

we always find ourselves at a point in our lives
where we may be truly happy
and know that things are going the right way
no matter where we find our happiness
it will find us, one way or another.

darkness and sunrise;

sometimes, the darkness is overpowering
light extinguished for an unmentionable time
a state of mind and being
that is devoid of any emotion and turmoil.

but when the dark clouds hover
the rain falls in powerful torrents
beating down the back of those weary souls
no reprieve from endless emptiness.

we all find ourselves in this path
at one point in our life or another
after being beaten down like ragged dogs.

but there is that little flickering flame deep inside
not quite yet snuffed out
it burns with a yearning, it just needs to grow
it is our driving will
to force us to look towards the end of the tunnel
and just maybe start to see the rising sunrise.

old photographs;

old photographs hidden away in a dusty box
pull apart the aged cardboard
reveal the secrets held inside
it's only logical to question
and delve into what was once the present

smiling faces, joyful occasions, and candid shots
glowing beauty radiating in each shot
precious like rare diamonds
these are what our dreams are made of

capturing the memories in eternal time
forever engraved in little pieces of paper
holding a lifetime of stories to pass on

when we are all gone and passed
this is the legacy that we will leave
and the happiness which were our lives.

life is our gift;

one foot in front of the other
a constant pounding against the asphalt
cool morning breeze that drifts
the break of dawn cutting through the clouds

a burning ache in suffocating lungs
oxygen running low
adrenaline sky rocketing
many more laps to go

there is no stopping
just like with time
it is every present, ever moving
and constantly changing
so many different memories to create

life is our gift
no better way to spend it
pursuing your happiness
like a runner in the early morning hours
they breathe in the fresh start of day.

mere commodity;

nothing more than a mere commodity
because they have no souls
humanity seemed justified in their coarse actions

inhumane ideals to create life from what has died
an identical replica to the prototype
excluding the basics of being human
if only to make them controllable

while they look and speak like any other

it's reminiscent of fifteenth century slave trade

merely tools for the taking

to support the lavish lifestyles of the rich

mold them like clay in the flesh
set out tasks that which they live to die
and when their use is all said and done
it is perfectly acceptable to terminate
like discarded broken machinery.

once upon a time;

once upon a time
she thought she fell in love
it was just a fatal attraction
desires built upon lust

there was no truth behind the emotions
nothing sacred worth noting
her mind toyed with her heart
becoming her downfall in the end

shamed with guilt
led on like a puppet on strings
in the end was it her fault
all the heartache she seemed to bring

bruised ego and aching soul
perhaps time will heal the wounds
forgive and forget the best she could
to move on as she knew she would.

move on;

sometimes you gotta let go of the things that hold you back
that clutch at your heart
your suffocating soul
like a bird trapped in a gilded cage

there is no escape
or so does your betraying mind pollute

break free from the chains that tie you down
fight back, take back
the life that is rightfully yours

so that you may find peace
and finally move on

books and stories;

books and stories are my escape from reality
adventures not possible made epic
and we can be a part of the worlds
that only exist through writing
and the minds of brilliant writers.

unconfined by society
a stream of thoughts by a character
can inspire a generation.
the history of the world can be changed
by a single work
and better the place that we call home.

there is something magical
opening up a book and leafing through the pages.
take a deep breath
the scent of a unread book fills the soul.
the words will feed the hungry mind
and perhaps along the way
we will discover ourselves.

dystopia;

humans are cruel and spiteful creatures
we love our retaliation
when things do not go our way

there is something twisted
about the sanction of human bloodbaths
for the sake of entertainment

how demoralizing it must be
for a crowd of privileged spectators
to cheer as your comrades-turned-enemies
are hacking each other down to the death

children given up like sacrificial lambs

required by the law of grown adults

the young and weak the first to go

but not without a painful death

how did we devolve?

this is the way of certain fantastical literature
and while these happenings are only dancing in stories
it won't be long before they brush our reality
and turn our way of life into a dystopian society.

ghosting afterlife;

when my body has long passed and gone
when it has returned to the earth from whence we all derive
i wish to remain close, if intangible
to the happenings of humanity

i read a book once upon a time
and while i do not wish for a gruesome death
i do wish to linger
to observe and discover places and events
that i had not the opportunity in life

life is short and beautiful
in the grand scheme of things
our human lives are but a blink of an eye
a speck of dust in the continuum of time and space

the world has been around for millions of years
our barely one hundred years are fragile like glass

i want to see the future generations be born and grow
changing our world with their innovative methods

so my greatest post-mortem desire
is to ghost the planet and galaxy
no physical inhibitions to hinder me
from seeing and experiencing all i can

and if there is a heaven in the afterlife
i hope that eternal paradise would grant me a reprieve
until i am done observing the world and its future
before i make my way to finally allow myself
a well-deserved and restful sleep

grown up;

she stands there under the canopy of trees
sunlight pours through dense leaves
shining like diamond fragments
playing hide and seek with grounded pin straw

the cool breeze tousles her hair
and a rush of memories come racing forward
of fun and friends from many years ago

we wish to grow up, as young children often dream
counting the years before high school graduation
and college applications

adulthood has come too fast
a reality shock from sheltered pasts
more freedom in many ways
but with obstacles a hundred times greater

responsibilities that we blissfully left to our parents
now they fall into our hands

we've grown up
and we've begun to find our places

and make it the very best;

if we knew our time was short
would we live our lives differently
would we drop our careers
to pursue deepest desires
our long forgotten dreams
that we had to bury long ago

or would we dread the anticipated end
the inevitable step to finality
would we forget to live

we never know which hour will be our last
so why do we give up the simple joys
which bring a smile to our faces

life is meant to be lived only once
so why do we not take it by the reins
and make it the very best

change;

change happens all around us
it's an everyday occurrence
despite our resistance.
our humanity is a product of evolutionary change
we are born, we grow, we adapt, we carry on.

but change, no matter how miniscule
is a frightening prospect.
we resist unfamiliarity
the breach of our comfort bubble
sends our senses spiraling out of control.

we do not like to feel vulnerable
wading through dark, murky waters
when we cannot see to the bottom
it is an ominous feeling.

but without change, we cannot hope to better ourselves
it is in putting ourselves in the open
do we face the world as a blank canvass
to caress and mold
into the person that we can only hope to become.

so embrace it, the change that is inevitable
our lives are not stationary
change is always in motion.

success;

success is a variable term
it differs for each individual
one may believe success equates to becoming president
while to another, putting food on the table for their family.

i have gone through my own trials and tribulations
i have experienced some things as a child
illegal occurrences that no child or human being
should ever be subjected to.

but it is true
what does not kill someone
can only make them stronger.

you may look at me
and say i am harden.
perhaps my environment made me to be
it was my method of protecting myself
from those who wished to do me harm.

hindsight is 20/20
in retrospect, the child i was should have said something
but as a child, we are frightened of the unknown
what consequences would be wrought
on our timid voice on the truth?

but that's okay now
wrongs cannot be righted
nor can they be forgiven
but they can be forgotten
left as a speck of dust
in the continuum of time
a memory that was nothing more
than a bad dream.

i have not strayed off a righteous path
i have not succumbed to drugs, alcohol, or prostitution
i did not decide my life was worthless.

on the contrary, i paved forward
i completed my education fully
i love the profession i have chosen
i love the friends who support me
i love the mother who raised me
who dropped everything for me
and did everything out of love.
i do not love the father who brought me into this world
but i do thank him for what he did everyday.
because without him leaving as he did
perhaps i would not have become the person who i am.

the future is always unknown
strayed pathways lead to different destinies
perhaps mine could have been better
but it could have also been much worse.

i thank whichever higher being for my life
and most of all
i thank myself, for without my will and determination
i would not be where i am today
and believe myself
to be a success.

obsession;

clinging to a thread-bare string
and obsession spiraling downward
until she's left hanging
dangerously close to tipping over the edge.

it is a consumption that is never sated
always drawing in more, more, more
like a delusional man searching for his oasis
in an endless slope of desert mirages.

fruitless desires that will always linger
never a break from emotional roller coasters
only in her dreams will there be rewards
only there will she be happy.

little diet;

it is just a little diet
to lose a little weight
to slip of the pounds
one by one
until we are obsessed.

our constant strive for perfection
flat tummies, toned legs.

doing a thousand crunches
and eating a couple cheese cubes
it is not the ideal way for health.

forget the fads
focus on your inner self
your body will tell you what it needs
if you only listen.

grey owl;

grey owl on a grey tree branch
looking from large eyes
landscaping the horizon
waking up to a new night.

spread out your grey wings
feel the evening breeze
heighten sensations, alive
breathing deep.

we are slowly killing the planet;

we are slowly killing the planet
note the use of 'the' rather than 'our'
because how can we call this world our own
when we are working so furiously to destroy it?

our constant drive for technological advances
is poisoning the world that has let us thrived.
as humans, we are sadistic creatures
maiming and killing animals for their flesh and fur
not for consumption to survive
but for supporting our never ending desires of 'fashion'.

predators of the world kill to live
humans kill for sport.

what really makes us any different from our animal counterparts?
they have families, just as we do
they eat and live, just as we do.

maybe we have the upper-hand in terms of intelligence
so why can we not manipulate that intelligence
to make this world a better place
and not only with words, but with actions.

and the irony of it all, especially with technology
is that we are not only destroying this planet
but our very own species.
so many new strains of diseases and cancers
are erupting with a vengeance.
we cannot hope to control science
when it is science that creates and controls
every aspects of our daily lives
including technology.
we only discovered how to manipulate it
we did not create it.

the survival of the fittest was not just a a fleeting idea of darwin
and nor was our scientist's theories of global warming.

we all learn as children
that trees and other greens
provide us with natural air cleansing agents
and our very link to molecular survival.
and yet, here we are
cutting down our forests, acre by acre
until there is nothing left
and still we will crave and want more
we will never be satisfied.

our species is just one in a million
we are no different from the rest
we are born, we live, we die.
we live among others who depend on the world just as much as we do.
who are we to take away the resources from them
who have just as much right to it as we do.

man versus nature
there are no sides
not when the world as we know it
is slowly decaying under our 'control'.

soul of hope;

and slowly the year begins to die
a solemn thought that lingers
ever present in the mind

but with december's death
a new beginning emerges
like a phoenix reborn
from the ashes that claimed it

this is the soul of hope
and we can all discover it.

she who became me;

and i kneel here
arms wrapped around the body
of a trembling little girl
a rain of tears wetting little cheeks

i can look into her eyes
and see the troubles that plague her
feel the emotions coursing through her
knowing every heartache and misery
experiences that no human being
should have ever been subject to

so much rolled up into one
a pandoras box
packaged prettily inside her soul
just waiting for release

i see the day her parents fought bitterly
when a trusted person touched her inappropriately
the realization of what death meant
and the shadowing thoughts of rejection

i hug the little girl more tightly
absorbing her into myself
every one of her memories
finding itself in my own
i vow to protect her
from the world's harshest reality
because it was she who became me.

already lost;

captured by his gaze
words caught in the throat
what to make of it
she doesn't really know

but it's tempting and reaching
circling all around
like wolves waiting for their meal

tantalizing and breathtaking
sirens on the sea
luring with sweet promises
he knows that he cannot keep

and still she draws nearer and closer
right into his waiting grasp

he will ensnare her
because she has already lost.

sitting by the window;

sitting by the window
fire crackling in the background
glass of cheap red wine in hand
wondering about times gone by

settled in a comfortable routine
boring but sensible
unexciting to the daredevil
safe play at its very best

quiet, quaint existence
personal haven in the bustling world
a place to call her own
no interference at all

sitting, staring, wondering
is there something she's missing?

eternity of peace;

strangers they have never met
but all connected just the same
united by unfortunate circumstances
from a selfish man's darkest desires

and while they suffered in their own silences
they found one another in their jointed heavens
and together they walked, forward into their own futures
for an eternity of peace.

holidays;

in the breath of winter's chill
comes the spicy aroma of cinnamon and nutmeg
with a hint of sugary sweetness

the overhead of clouds
grey with the promise of frozen rain
cascading down as artistic designs
to land gently upon rosy cheeks

the twinkling of the stars
mimicking the lights
on christmas trees
cluttered beneath the branches
brightly wrapped presents
waiting for the brilliant smiles
upon those who open them

and most of all
with the coming of the end of the year
there shines the beginning of new times to come
of dinners around the family table
where laughter and smiles are contagious
where people love and are loved

as is the beauty of the holidays.

lifted;

it's over now
and the heavy weight
that laid on my chest and heart
suffocating me slowly
has finally lifted.

caramel;

it doesn't matter how small they are
when their time comes
and they must leave us
the pain that comes along
it is just as great.

we do the best we can to ease their pains
to let them pass on through the veil
with as much comfort as possible.

and though we may cry
shedding many tears of sadness
we know deep down in our hearts
that they are free and without pain
they are frolicking in the vast green fields
and where food is plentiful and delicious
in their own private heaven.

and for us they will wait
just as we did for them in life.

goodbye, caramel.
i love you.

let's live it;

the shrieks and shouts
of childhood laughter
carry on outside like a musical symphony
that every person has once experienced
some, a year ago
others, fifty

the sound of joy
that now whispers
like a beloved memory
our minds may have forgotten
those carefree days
but our hearts will never forget

our very souls alight with happiness
whenever it hears those beautiful sounds
we must live fully, live happily, live positively
we only have this one chance
at this beautiful entity called life

let's live it
and never regret.

subway;

sitting on the subway
watching the scenery fly by
going seventy miles an hour
she'll be there in no time.

people watching to pass the time
the little toddler babbling happily
pointing at her colorful book
gesturing about things her mother only knows.

the elderly man at the front of the train car
flipping the pages of his worldly magazine
contemplative, with the hint of a smile
as he catches up on the latest news.

college students
one furiously flipping through note cards
no doubt, cramming for that impending test
another dozing off, head nodding, mouth slightly agape
leaning on the window, obviously foregoing the snooze button.

and then the train's horn, signaling another stop
automatic female voice dictating the destination.

it's her stop now.

private little word;

headphones on
foot tapping to the beat
coffee on the left
cardigan hanging on the seat
eyes scanning the pages
words blur, pictures play
dreams dance across the stage
in a private little world.

it was a rainy morning;

it was a rainy morning. and i was up with you early in the day, holding you close, your little body curled up against mine as i stroked the wills of death away. i had a test that afternoon, and i hated the though of leaving you, even for a minute. i knew in my heart when i wrapped you up in one of my old shirts, i would not see you alive that evening.

i kissed you goodbye, and left you at home, while i took the agonizingly long ride to school. i aced the exam, of course. and by midday, the clouds and raindrops all but disappeared from the sky, leaving behind a brilliant cerulean blue. all signs of the storm that raged the early morning hours were gone.

and then i knew, you must have finally said goodbye to our corporeal world. heaven opened its arms and welcomed you in. your pain and suffering were washed away with the rain. a rainbow painted the sky, and i knew, you were now at peace.

i said my final goodbyes, wishing you well in the afterlife.

life;

even when life ends
the world will still go on
time will continue without a break.

and the legacies we leave behind
one way or another
they will impact the world
some small, others on immense scale.

life is the most precious gift
live every moment to its fullest.

broken wings;

broken wings
like an angel
fallen from grace

the beating of the heart
the only evidence of life
cold and calculating
devoid of warmth and hope

but eventually
one has to stand
and move forward

even amidst the dark
there is always a sliver of light

she wanders;

sometimes she feels lost
like a wandering soul
uninhibited and seemingly free
but nothing more than a prisoner
of her own emptiness

the days the months the years
every second that flies on by
she remembers it all
and clings to them
the memories, her only hope
however it may mean that she lives
only in the past

step by step
night by night
day by day

it is ever continuing
there is no end

even when everything has long passed
time moves onward
oblivious to the trillions that come and go
happily turning on its proverbial axis
like the earth that which it guides

and will she still be wandering
a forgotten ghost among the living
searching for something she does not know
until she can wander no more?

obstacle;

it looms in the distance
like an ominous cloud of thunder
just waiting for the right moment
to unleash its fury.

but i know that i can overcome it
it's just another obstacle
on the road through life.

it's not something i cannot handle
just a little pebble
on my yellow-brick road.

hope;

dark, brooding, and mysterious
he builds a wall of steel to shield himself
black, obsidian eyes to the soul
calm like the first rise of dawn
on waters stilled as the dead.

love he has felt, very briefly in his life
his very existence not his own
but like a pawn on a chessboard
dispensable like the rest.

but then, she came along
ferocious like a lioness
the breathe of sunshine he never had.

she gave him the gift of hope
for now he has a reason to live.

life;

life is beautiful and precious
like a drop of sunshine
it's the very foundation of our existence

we should never hesitate to live

the air we breathe and the eyes through which we see
we can create our own legacies
because even in death
do we continue onward

truly alive;

i want to run through an open field
my arms held out wide
feeling the glorious rays of sunshine
and know that i am truly alive.

single moment;

the smiles and laughter which we cannot hear
but joy and happiness evident on the faces on each
captured in a single moment
many, many years ago.

while this one solitary moment in time is locked forever
in a precious piece of photographic paper
the world spins around us, faster
leaving behind everything we once knew
for only in our minds will they ever exist.

childhood faces of people we have ever known as adults
startling similarities that shine through.

it's amazing how we all grow up.

dark, empty road;

dark, empty road
on a warm summer evening
a breeze from full open windows
a symphony of crickets off in the distance.

drive down, down, down
the open road ahead
scattered lights around
perhaps they are stars
or fireflies?

a road that leads to many places
left and right turns
where is the destination
or is destiny many more miles up the road?

the end, the future;

it is over
the end came all too quickly
even though the journey lasted an eternity.

and now that we stand at the edge
we look out across the blank slate
there lies our future
clear and unblemished.

let's start writing our next chapters.

life and time;

it's amazing to see your childhood friends
and where they are in their lives right now.
the possibilities are endless
as are their realities.

the choices they have made
sometimes in the right
and sometimes in the wrong.
and comparisons are always made
it is inevitable.

what once was is now lost
innocence and carefree moments
all but a pool of memories
like the ones you once dreamed of.

life and time, two extraordinary aspects of the world
like the cool crisp breeze on an autumn evening
it is ever changing.
life moves on with time
and time can alter our lives.

expected changes;

you expected the changes
but what, you didn't know
the people, and the sights, and the sounds
they change slowly.

things aren't exactly static when you have left
the world will move on
just like you did yourself
in another place, in another life.

you walk through the old places
that you once knew long ago
no more familiarity, no more friendly hellos
it's all lost in the past.

you have your memories and the good times too
it's the once upon times you can look back
but in your heart, that secret box
that is where they will stay.

something to think about;

it's something to think about
maybe i'm lost in my head
watching the world through eyes
not belonging to me.
maybe it's just something to be
is it out of my hands?

truth that surrounds;

let us drive down the interstate
and find ourselves a new destination
a place we have never been before.

let us become tourists
in our own country
on opposite ends.

with a new viewpoint
we will gain a new perspective
where previously our minds were clouded.

let them open
and maybe we can see
the truth that surrounds us all.

we have forgotten everything;

we have forgotten everything
we don't know why we are here
anymore.

we have lost touch
to everything that once was dear
and the center of our worlds.

will we ever remember?
or is it forever gone
has it been swallowed whole
and how do we say goodbye?

dear god;

dear god
hello
how are you?

i am not sure what i am supposed to say
how am i supposed to talk to you?

do i revere you
or speak to you as a old friend?

help me find the words
that i need to say.

must i have organized religion
or can i just follow
my heart?

strange dreams;

strange dreams
which i recall so vividly
was it really only a dream
precognitive thinking perhaps
a vision into my future
or maybe only a whisper
of the many twists and turns
of alternate universes
that fate has to offer us.

to someone i had yet to meet;

to someone i had yet to meet
or at least, no conscious recollection
but we are family
and so still i stop and wonder.

i hope your passing from a painful world
was painless and comfortable
as you drifted off into permanent dreams.

so goodbye for now
we will miss you
until we all meet again
in the world beyond,

where are you;

where are you
where have you gone
you've found yourself lost
in the depths of forgotten dreams.

come out
come back
stop drowning in the past
we are all waiting for you
hurry on back
we are all praying for you.

ghosts of my past;

sometimes i can see them
the ghosts of my past
along the sidewalks of forgotten parks
or among the bushes
of secret castles and other wonders
only seen through the eyes of a child.

walking across deserted school grounds
memories reenacting themselves
taking shape in my mind
of the times that was once my present.

they are all but distant dreams
a once upon a time
and happily ever after
to that chapter of my life.

marriage;

something so unpredictable
people blindingly tying themselves
sometimes it works out for the best
for the lucky ones
and other times
it's a tumultuous ride from hell.

it is to be sanctioned
a holy joining of souls
but so quickly rushed
leaving what matters most
on the outskirts.

but people are never stationary
they are every moving
revolving on their wild axes
fluid like the blood running through
our arteries and veins
a life source that cannot be grounded
for very long.

marriage is overrated
the perfect love can only exist
in fairy tales.

where are you?

where are you?
you have a done a remarkable job of hiding
your face is not your own, not really.

why do you cover yourself up
in artificiality, via picturesque ink paintings
dotted with metallic clouds.

your tattoos may be a sign of your inner artist
but to allow it to transform even your barest emotions
are you really being you?

don't hide behind your superficial mask
they can't hide the light within your soul.

passport;

passport
waiting to fly
time to explore the world
many wonders to seek out there
set sail!

memory lane;

it is so hard sometimes
not to think of the past
and reflect on the years gone by
wishing to turn back the clock.

just a trip down memory lane
sparks and influx of sights, sounds, visions
a slideshow of the past
like a failing dam
with torrents of water rushing forward.

and while i feel old
isn't this only the beginning?
life has barely even started
and there is so much waiting for us.

living and wishing for the past
cannot help shape our future.

life cannot be lived backwards
experiences and memories
should only push us forward.

graduation and nclex;

we have finally made it
hello the brave new world
a long an tumultuous journey
but graduation is only the beginning.

in just a short few months
we will be taking the nclex
the scariest word to a nursing student's ears
which sends trembles through the body
but the ultimate test
it will prove our worthiness.

it is terrifying
but we will sure to triumph
and victory will be ours.

pretty little things;

pretty little things
we have no real desire for them
the marketing world does a fine job
of seducing our inner cores
the shopaholics deep within
just waiting to escape
like a little monster.

vampiric qualities it does possess
sucking the life out from our wallets
until it lies dry and barren
very much like our bank accounts.

but will we ever learn?
our desires to have
overpowering our better judgement?
then, what happens?

it's an addiction
with no cure.

here we go again;

here we go again
we meet once more
right at the beginning
where it all began.

this was where
the first steps to our relationship
began to take form
so unsteady on its two feet
like an unconcerned child
with no idea of repercussions.

the danger was never felt
we frolicked with one another
so unaware of what was to come
so lost in our ocean of love
we never knew when we began to drown.

but all good things must come to an end
or at least so they say
and it appears that we are fulfilling
the destiny has laid out before us.

beautiful day

beautiful day
you grace us once again
with your crystal blue skies
and splashes of white marshmallow clouds
here we revel in your sights.

handwriting;

handwriting
messy, scrawling
not quite chicken scratch
but not elegant either.
all different shapes and sizes
erratic and never stilling
resembling my sporadic mind.

hello;

hello
to another year being alive
two and almost a half decades
trying to leave my carbon mark
on this place called earth
where i call my home.
let's celebrate this milestone
call it a day late into the night
and hope for many more to come.

it's like an open window;

it's like an open window
your thoughts floating out
free like uncaged birds
uninhibited and able to go
where ever their hearts desire.

there are no boundaries
or obstacle courses to follow
there are no guides
no maps to lead the way.

just follow your intuition.

your mind may not yet know where
the end of the road
your destination lies
but your soul surely does
and it will take you there
in time.

way of life;

and that is the way of life
we are born
we are small
but we grow
older, stronger, more confident
into the adults we were always meant to become.

but strange things memories do
serving as a blueprint
of what once was.

of course
time is never linear
it is forever changing.
we are shaped by our experiences
nature versus nurture
oh how that stands true.

many faces i have seen in my own lifetime
some stay forever
others linger, and then slowly fade.
and it's bittersweet to see
how children become adults in their own right
sometimes fulfilling their potential
sometimes going down the wrong side of the tracks.

but that is the beauty of life
and what makes it so precious.

that we never know until it happens.

can't turn back the clock;

you can't turn back the clock
even for all those wasted years
separated and distant.
that is the way of life
unpredictable at its very best.

can amends be made?
can we start anew?
for the most part
no is the answer.
in certain circumstances, maybe
and with certain people, yes.
others are left just where they are
where they have been
since the beginning of the end.

always hiding behind the wall;

always hiding behind the wall
it's her backbone
her infrastructure
her protector
from everything in the world
it is her sanctuary.

large and small stones
her sacred wall in composed
and in each stone holds a key
a note, a memory, a wish
it is the mosaic patchwork of her soul.

and every time she needs to escape
from the reality that deems to much from time to time
to her stone wall she runs
it is her own version of a harry potter pensieve
where she can come and lay her thoughts and feelings to rest.

so that when she reemerges back into reality
she may do so with a clear conscious
a clean slate
with all the confidence she's ever had.

tiny little break;

mulling over a hot cup of coffee
a comfortable silence
amidst the busy world outside.

people talking
children laughing
cars honking
dogs barking
chaos at its very best
in the early hours of a weekday morning.

but a closing of the eyes
opens up the worlds within
where peace is a dominating force
calming the nerves, heightening the senses.

sometimes it's just that tiny little break
that everyone needs in their lives.

insignificantly small;

we are so insignificantly small
and yet, we believe to stand tall
higher than the mountains around us
reaching the skies
we think we can touch the moon
and move the stars.

but look around

the vast beauty around us

that we never take the time

to stop

to listen

and to see

not with our eyes, but with our heart.

we are caught up in our busy lives

a revolving door that never ceases to slow down

and let we let everything else pass us by

in a blur of color, sights, and sounds.

stop and breathe

the world is so much bigger

than we can ever hope to understand

it's majestic crown of beauty

that we can only ever hope to dream.

stop and breathe

before it's too late

and you forget what it is like to live.

[inspiration: The Mountain: Terje Sorgjerd]

who will i be today;

it's like dancing on either side of the court

two cards to play, depending on the situation

my ace and my jack, black jack perhaps.

which one will benefit me

which one will have me excel

it all just depends really

but i have the choice.

two halves of one

different from each other

and unfortunately

far more identified with only one.

the other has been left in the dust

like a long forgotten toy

abandoned in the farthest corner of the attic.

but still, the options are there

waiting for me to take my pick.

who will i be today?

restart life;

excuse me

where is the reset button?

i am in dire need of it

so it would be great

if you could just tell me now.

i've searched high and low

far and wide

and it is a futile search.

do you have the treasure map

where X marks the spot

and lies my beloved restart button.

please, i will barter with the devil

i will give him my soul

if only you will tell me

even a whisper.

seriously

let's have our do-overs

don't tell me

you haven't wished to restart life.

when did it happen;

when did it happen

when did it all begin?

we shed out childhood jubilance

our care-free days and mindless wanderings

of lazy summer evenings and afternoon naps.

when did we step out of our comfort zone

and enter the industrial lane

to become working zombies of society

where 40-hour work weeks become our future.

when did we become adults

making salaries, paying mortgages, and raising families

where did we find the strength

to stand our own two feet.

because i myself feel trapped

lost in a limbo of in-betweens

it seems almost impossible

to imagine the future described.

i will never be ready

and i almost don't want to be

but my strangling grasp on the past

is beginning to wane and become futile.

whether or not i want it

i will take my place in society

and i will have no choice but to continue moving forward.

it is times like these;

it is times like these, that i hate him more

a burning fire deep within

never quite extinguished

ready to flare up at any moment

if only given the opportunity.

it tears me apart

to see what life has done

and all i want to do is blame someone

so i blame him, my go-to scapegoat.

he did and gave nothing

the perfect escape.

i will never forget.

i will never forgive.

i want to run, far away;

i want to run, far away

off to a nowhere place

feet pounding

heart racing

and not stop until i have shed

every last fiber of my being.

i want to run, far away

and as i do

i take off the layers

one by one

my name

my past

my memories

i will let them fall

like raindrops on floating leaves

until they are absorbed into the ground.

and still i will run.

i will not stop

until my legs can no longer carry me

until i have sprinted to the edge of my sanity

where i will take a leap of faith

off my proverbial cliff

and fall not so gracefully

into the waiting waters below.

and then i will cleanse myself

until every last molecule that makes up my being

is doused and re-awaken.

it will be the time

to open my eyes

and revel in the new sunrise.

i saw those papers again;

i saw those papers again

and this time, i really took a look.

i guess technically

you were both at fault

both breaking the rules

fighting over one thing.

but still of course

animosity towards you

escalated

until my little heart wanted to pop

from increased pressure.

you are despicable

when i really think about it.

you would have tried far harder

had you truly cared.

spring;

beautiful, beautiful weather
clearest of clear skies

not a spot of white fluffiness

no marshmallow clouds to obscure

and the rustling of the trees

leaves dancing in the wind

whisper symphonies.

spring has come, spring has come

finally to grace us

after winter's cold, dark grasp

ice has melted

like a warming heart

chase the gloominess away.

the world is anew

bursting with life.

good morning, early morning;

good morning, early morning

before the crack of dawn

birds still sleeping

nestled in their nests

night creatures still stirring

scurrying around in sunday best

good morning, good morning

early morning

before the dawn

the sun still sleeps

but i am here to say hello

half-filled wine glass;

half-filled wine glass
discarded, abandoned
nothing but lost reminders

and empty promises

it's the same, over and over

paradoxical existence

a never ending circle.

hard to escape

and hard to see the light

but gotta try

gotta try.

renewed eyes;

dear world

just stop for a second

you're spinning too fast

i need to catch my breath

and take a look around.

my vision has been clouded

by dust particles spurned from the ground

the future shadowed and indecipherable

i've seen the light

i've seen the light.

it's like a heavy burden has been uplifted

like a drunk awoken from his alcoholic stupor

hangover dissipated and head clear

it's the dawning of a revelation

of epic proportions.

so just stop word, just stop

your axis can live with just one pause

so i can look upon you

with renewed eyes.

friendship;

brief moments in time spent laughing

over hot chocolate and caramel lattes

with friendships of old

that seems to never fade.

distance and years become prominent

we grow, we mature, we change

but there are some things ever constant

it's a beacon to which we cling

just to keep us grounded.

it is beautiful and cherished

the sunshine to our rainstorm

the bottle of love and happiness

this is friendship.

and so sleep evades;

and so sleep evades me once again

like peter pan desperately searching for his shadow

a never-ending game of hide-and-seek

it never wants to be found.

it's hard to count sheep who never stay put

or simply to shutdown the racing mind

impossible feats of self-heroic acts

slumber does not come easily.

somewhat of an insomniac

a sliver in the broad range

with erratic circadian rhythms

that too wish to call it quits.

eventually i will close my eyes

and sleep will come to grace me

but only to continue running a race in my dreams.

time;

time

is quite depressing, really

it never stops

it's a linear pathway

infinite.

i used to be able to count the years

that i have been alive

all on one hand

then two

and now i no longer have enough.

i see how old i will be

in the years in the future

and i am fearful of aging

i don't want to grow old

i want to stay young

forever.

getting older

means the ones i love

are aging as well.

and being organic organisms

we are not eternal

and we cannot live forever.

we must die and disappear from the earth

to make way for future generations

so that they may have a chance to live.

but i am still selfish

if there is an after life

i wish to remain here on earth

even as a ghost

so that i may be part of this world

despite no physical attachments.

but that sentiment too

is wishful thinking

and even if it were to be my destiny

it would be filled with sorrow

longing and resentment

of watching the young and healthy

the old and wise, alive

knowing that i can never truly be a part

when i am long dead.

skipping;

dreams and fantasy is where my mind lingers

oblivious to the calling of reality

i don't wish to go back

to that black hole, dark and cold.

it's cloud nine right here

no worries or troubles

an ease of mind

no dark thunder storms

to cloud my days.

i ignore the whistle of the train

the signal of the last boarding for the evening

there is no question of where it is heading

destination: reality.

i think it's okay to skip one more day.

chocolate;

chocolate

sweet delectable ambrosia

the chicken noodle soup to my soul

my private comfort.

you make everything better.

never deserved;

you were once cruel

your laughing jokes bordering on the line

and your relentless use of my body

it was just a relationship based on sex.

who do you think you were

toying with the mind of inexperience

was it just your idea of fun and games

no matter how much it hurt?

backstabbing with a flair for twisting the truth

you possess a scary mind and even scarier soul

i became afraid and desperate to hide

if only to avoid your gaze.

but it's been a long time now

since you last contacted me

to which of course i always ignored.

i see now how stupid i once was

to have given you time of day

when your mind and heart

you very being

was always elsewhere.

and now, i am grateful that it is

and i also thank you for what you did

because of your actions

you made me stronger

far more sure of what i definitely

do not wish to have in my life.

you were far beneath me

and never deserved to have me.

puzzle piece;

i haven't ever loved

where it pains me to see them go

where my heart rips from my chest

and is cut into a million pieces

as the romance dies.

none were very meaningful.

yes, there was happiness

and a fondness that captivates.

but only puppy love at its best.

something was always missing

a puzzle piece that was never there

leaving a gaping hole.

the picture that needed completion

never found the paint that bring it to life.

i want to find it

i know it is out there somewhere

i can almost touch it.

child that once was me;

i miss the exhilaration i once felt

so many, many years ago

as a child on a bike

riding over a wooden bridge

to get to the other side.

i can still hear the conversations

that children have among one another

and the memories they flood the brain

like a dam whose lever has broken.

such carefree days

days spent running amok in the sun

where adult troubles were nonexistent

and our only job was to grow.

those days have come and gone

all the children growing up and moving on.

how often do they revisit the past

their precious childhood

that society requires of us to do away with

as we face the world as adults.

i myself hold strong nostalgia to my past

because although they are now merely memories

their presence helps keep alive the child in me.

child that i once was

child that once was me

you are my inspiration.

we don't dance on strings;

what makes you think

you can play god

that you can toy

with the lives of others.

we don't dance on strings

and you cannot bend us to your will

for we have our own minds.

but you so selfishly believe it to be so

that you are superior

that the lives you destroyed

are meaningless.

think again

because karma's a merciless bitch

what you have done on others

will be done upon you.

circles;

walking around in circles

caught in a loop

it's never ending

and there is no edge.

where will it take us

this journey of continuation

what lies on the rim

what's on the other side?

puzzle pieces;

you've opened the box

and there lies the puzzle pieces

so many of them

jumbled against one another.

you dump them out on the kitchen table

a thousand little segments

maybe more

you can't remember.

laboriously

you put them together

crying in frustration

when some do not fit perfectly

but mismatched and

a recipe for disaster.

how long does it take you

sitting in that same little spot

by the same little window

the world is going on without you

and you sit here still

playing in your puzzle world.

something comes alive

as a picture is slowly painted

it looks so familiar

but you cannot remember.

you haven't remembered anything

in a very long time.

humming to yourself

you giggle softly

it's almost the end of the game

and you hold the last remaining piece

between your fingers.

and there it goes

right where it should be.

but you look at your hands again

wrinkled, age spots dotting the surface.

what has happened?

where had the time gone?

the picture you composed

comes alive

like a little movie

you see a life that you once forgotten

everything you once felt, you once seen

you once loved

flashes before you.

and then you realize

in this little kitchen

putting the puzzle pieces together

you spent half your life

living in the past.

driver's seat;

you think you walk a lonely road

down a dark, age worn path

but you don't know that the sun

the sun is shining brightly

so very high above.

you have lost hope

where did you leave it behind

check under the rocks

look behind the trees

it's there

it never left

it's following you

trailing, trailing.

there are no tricks here

only the sound of your sighs

alleviate the heaviness on your heart

let the light touch your soul.

you, you, you

only you're in charge

take control

you are in the driver's seat.

sunrise beginning;

it was something that i could

never imagine possible

and you have managed to crawl

right beneath my skin.

i feel like i'm losing grip

on this sailing wayward ship

to place where no one has found

it's uncharted territory

where i can finally sit and breathe.

it's a sunrise beginning

where the rays touch

the corners of our round earth

and maybe if we just kept on dreaming

it won't ever really end.

hello world;

hello world

you have seen so much history unfold

battles, kingdoms

and the evolution of mankind.

in the very beginning

we gave you your peace.

because according to science

we did not come into being

until many years after your birth.

you frolicked happily in your galaxy

dancing on your axis

blissfully basking in the sunlight.

and then things began to change.

microscopic creatures began to take form

as your body began to change

and life adapted.

the millions of years flew by

seconds in your eyes

until two leg walking humans

claimed your vast land as their own.

your rich earth has been drilled and torn apart

the landscape a battlefield of destruction

as humanity greedily sucked up your jewels.

like a man whose heart burns with lust

your body is his oasis.

how much longer of this can you take?

when will you finally snap

and redecorate yourself

overhauling humanity.

when will our end of the world

finally slap us in the face?

will you take mercy on us

and let us live, albeit perhaps

starting from scratch

and reconstruct our beginning.

or will you relentlessly destroy us

and let our entire history die.

winter wonderland;

hello, winter wonderland

you've coated your presence

with a heavy load of snow

along with thick ice on the roads.

your appearance brought joy to those here

but your lingering

is starting to wear the patience of motorists thin.

but for those like me

with no place to go

and not needed anywhere

it is a peaceful solace.

thank you for gracing us

we hope to see you again in the future.

find the hope inside;

who was it that told you

that you were worthless

and a waste of space

and a good brain.

what history do you bury under ground

that lead to such turn of events

that no person should ever endure?

who took your spirit

twisted it maliciously

squeezing until it could not breathe

and then step on it to make sure it was dead?

your days have darken

and you cannot remember the light

or how the sun feels shining on your face.

you have forgotten simple pleasures of life.

you have retreated deep inside you

a broken shell teetering on a tightrope

one wrong move and it is over.

and it seems like it is what you desire.

when did it all change for you

when you lost all hope

and even forgot who you were.

solace, help, and redemption

can be found in the most unexpected places

and when you do find it

let it consume you.

let it bloom inside you like a new flower

just rising to see daybreak.

find the hope inside you that was all but destroyed

save for a single, lone, flickering flame.

let it be your beacon

and rise out from your own depths of hell.

yellow-brick road;

what is it that you hide

behind those sad, sad eyes

where is the rhyme to your reason

what have you given up?

though you smile

to cover up the scars

it cannot reach your eyes

forced and without heart.

hiding isn't always the answer

running away will not erase the problems.

it may be painful

it may be hurtful

it may try to belittle and crush

your already cracking soul

but eventually you will turn around

and it will be there waiting for you

confront it and put it in the past.

running backwards will get you nowhere

you have to push through into the future.

your yellow-brick road waits for you.

are you lost;

are you lost?

so am i

let's take the high road together

and walk along the train tracks

it will lead us somewhere.

we'll hold hands and sing silly songs

point to the sky

and make pictures in our minds

using the clouds as our canvas.

we'll stop by an apple tree

go apple-picking

and run for our lives when we are caught

fighting for our lives.

and maybe, just maybe

we will find the end of the world

where our destiny waits with open arms

and sucks us into where our souls belong.

timeline;

timeline

can you remember your own

when the beginning formed

from very miniscule, humble origins

growing gradually

like a slow-paced flower

blossoming, blooming

into the beauty that it is today.

can you remember

the beauty of the moment

the feelings and emotions that overcame

when you had your first kiss

or when you finally graduated university.

can you still recall those days

can you bring them to the forefront of your mind

or are they swimming happily

in an empty sea of grey

oblivious to your desperation to remember.

the mind is a powerful weapon

it can formulate plans and execute strategies

with accurate precision.

it is the mastermind of the world

the coveted tool that can decide and choose

between evil and good.

but what happens when it slowly deteriorates

the neurons slowly suffocating, dying.

confusion, bewilderment, and depression

an ugly black hole of frustrated emotions

which only seems to be growing larger and larger.

and then, the fighting emotions themselves cease to battle

the war slowly comes to an end

replacing the torn battlefield

with an open landscape

of peace and simplicity.

this is

when the mind slowly succumbs

to genetic deficits and faulty wiring

when people become 'old and senile'

normal and expected in today's society.

but maybe it is something deeper

it has many names and many perceptions

but the failing mind is still the same constant.

so don't ever forget

live life to the fullest

don't ever stop looking forward

so that you would not have regretted anything

if the clock finally starts ticking backwards.

believe;

i think i am finally finding my place

even though i may sometimes have doubts

i have thought more about you

than i ever had in my lifetime.

sometimes i still look in the mirror

and wonder to myself

what and who do i believe?

deep down, i realize

i have been calling to you

whenever i seemed to need it.

even though i scorned you

and discredited you.

but i was only trying to find my place

and i think you understand that.

i still feel weird

even right this moment.

but maybe i can be content

as can you

in knowing that i do believe

but maybe not in the same way

as everyone else.

white christmas;

white christmas

beautiful cascade of soft snow

that falls gently on the ground

slowly creating a winter wonderland

however small it may be

in comparison to the blizzards of the north.

in the dark

light reflects of the white

tall naked trees

that glitter like diamonds

as headlights shines upon iced branches.

footprints on the ground

a scar on the painted floor

but still just as beautiful.

thank you for bringing such beauty

on a special day.

myself and many others

will remember it for years to come.

i will make it mine;

you're almost over

and quite frankly

you were a pain

a thorn in my side.

i won't regret saying goodbye

except for the fact

that i will be just a little older

and a little wiser as well.

2010, i bid thee farewell.

i will welcome the next year

with open arms

because i just taste it now

i can just barely wrap my arms around it.

i can feel it in me

that it will be a great year.

i won't let anything bring it down

i will let it shine for me.

everything i want and more

will finally be realized in 2011.

it will be my year

it will be one i add to my very small list.

but i will make it mine.

hard to find;

why are you so hard to find?

not that i want to, really

but my curiosity craves to be sated

just to know where you are in life

and know i have fared just well

without you.

so many things i would like to say

and they burn at my core.

but how can i

when you have seemingly fallen

off the face of the earth?

maybe it is a good thing

it still gnaws

but i think i can live another twenty

just as i have been.

inevitable;

it was inevitable

happening once again.

of course

we know whose fault it was.

never any question to it.

how does it always end this way?

plans never fully come to the surface

drowning somewhere deep beneath the ocean.

never to see even the sliver of light.

quite disheartening

but who else is to blame?

i want to travel to a world;

i want to travel to a world

where technology does not exist

and nature is in domination

a peaceful but firm dictator.

everything that exists today

humanity has become ridiculously

dependent.

how ever better it makes our lives

it also crushes what makes us strong.

the survival of the fittest

would undoubtedly be put to the test

if we were scooped up

and dropped in the middle of nowhere.

without electricity

cellphones, television

and the internet.

the age of information serves in so many ways

but when it is gone

how would we survive?

how long would we last?

aching nostalgia;

oh this aching nostalgia

burning at my chest

eating away at my core

no matter how bittersweet

memory lane may be.

a swarm of unbidden memories

flashing in my mind like on the big screen

a previews of the life to be

and fantasies of what may.

wonderful, beautiful

sadness and sorrow

joy and love

a mix-match of colors

bright and dark collide.

but each memory is portrayed

in such vivid detail

as if it were happening all over again.

things i may have once missed

but slowly taking the back burner.

it threatens to cut through

like a dagger to the heart

a jagged cut in the chest

to pour out everything inside

to let out what was bottled tightly.

where, what, when

no one knows

no one will know

i can keep it buried deep within

the crevice of my consciousness.

like secrets kept behind a hidden door

i can keep everything to myself.

because they are what made me today.

keep running forward;

keep running forward

feet pounding on the dirt ground

don't look back

and maybe it will disappear.

the cold shadow that creep behind

steadily gaining

distance shortening

between it and sanctuary.

almost there

keep going, keep going

don't miss a beat in the feet

keep it steady

and keep going.

just do it;

what to do, what to do

being pulled again.

come on, come on

make a decision

it's not the end.

go through with it

don't back out

just do it, just do it.

changes;

changes

an inevitable process

the embodiment of evolution.

the exploration for something

better than current

opening new horizons

to our daily life.

rebellion and resistance

to be expected, of course

but eventually conformity

will spread across the people.

unite rather than fight

immerse rather than float

change can be good.

give it a chance.

lazy mornings;

lazy mornings
snuggled under the covers
a warm sanctuary against the cold winter.

beep beep beep

sounds the alarm

a quick tap of snooze

silences it for another blissful

ten minutes.

bright sunlight seeps in between the blinds

dancing like little ballerinas

on the opposite walls.

lazy lazy mornings

time to close the eyes

and drift away to dreams.

little bookworm;

little bookworm

seeking solace in books and knowledge

the library as a second home

almost ornamental.

wide brown eyes

color of mud

but beautifully illuminated

at the very thought of learning.

the target of pranks and jokes

for eccentric behavior.

but a beacon of hope to others.

when all is said and done

and they are all at the front of battle

can they recall upon their education to fight?

inside your eyes;

inside your eyes

i can see another world

a place that you call home

where very few are privy.

the eyes are the windows to the soul

so they say.

i look now to see

such beauty barely shining through

the storm of troubled doubts.

you're lovely.

even if you are not told

very often.

you may be the bane of someone's existence

or the only reason for living to another.

either way.

be confident

stand proud

you are you.

death, is a scary journey;

death, is a scary journey

however inevitable it may be

the concept of after

sometimes difficult to fathom

and differs for each individual.

you couldn't escape death's waiting embrace

as you struggled to survive

your body's basic instincts in overdrive.

but when you finally

and hopefully willingly

let go of your grasp to life

and sink into death's chest

remember everything you have ever loved

for it will be you beacon to the other side

whatever and wherever that may be.

the love of your family and friends

will create the pathway to your destination.

all your hopes and dreams of the life left behind

will be your shining stars in the black night.

and when you reach the end

of the journey from life to death

here your soul may rest

peacefully and contently

until you can be reunited

with everyone you let into your life

and those who let you into theirs.

guilt-ridden road;

your memory serves as a good trip

down a guilt-ridden road

even though i know it is not my fault

it cannot be.

a whisper of a memory

brings upon a powerful clash

i feel like i am being pulled apart

several directions

my heart cannot take it.

when i think about you

i want to slap myself

and i scream inside

why do i spare you a single thought?

what have you done for me

after all these years?

nothing.

simple as that.

nothing.

and still, i cannot help it

i wonder and ponder

i try to picture how it might and could have been

but it is futile.

and i have to stop living in the past

the present fantasy

and the future that could never be.

this is not the first time

nor the very last.

but moving forward is the only way

that i can ever be free.

open your eyes;

open up your eyes

you've kept them closed

long enough.

the years that you wished to forget

the pain, the horror

the pure evil that stained your world.

it is no more

he is dead

and his minions are locked away

forever.

it's okay now

the world has slowly righten itself

it is safe as it will ever be.

so open your eyes

it's time to wake up

and live once more.

why must you haunt me so;

why must you haunt me so?

you're all around me

and i cannot seem to escape

that beautiful smile of yours

and twinkle in your eyes.

is this my punishment?

my damnation and hell?

songs;

hearing songs

they bring out the best

and worst in memories.

a lost relative

stolen love

and happy days.

an array of emotions

overcomes with every note.

the years gone by

remembered by a whisper

a song that comes on the radio

or ipod player

set on shuffle.

all the hopes

all the regrets

all the tears

and all the smiles

is there any regret?

people cannot live in the past

mulling over things that once were

or might have been.

it's time to look toward the future.

up and down;

up and down

constantly

like an elevator ride

from heaven to hell

and back again.

repetitive and never ending

a boring existence

the same scenery

the same memories

the same everything.

forgetting your name;

forgetting your name

lost, slipped out of the mind

possibly forever gone.

maybe it wasn't important anyway.

concentration is overrated;

concentration is overrated

it is something obviously absent

in my own complex mind.

mumbo jumbo

it's all that is being read

nothing making any sense

even though research as proven it so.

distractions abounding

creeping out from every corner

determined to draw the mind

away from the task

most desperately required at hand.

go away, go away

focus, focus

this has to be done.

faces of the past;

like crystals

they glisten in the sunlight

bouncing off jovial rays

of multicolored lights

miniature rainbows.

these are the faces of the past

those who we have met

and those who we cannot remember.

and still they are with us

always watching

always looming over our shoulders

seeing what we see

thinking what we think.

we never know their names

we cannot remember their voices

but still they speak to us

not through words

but through the heart.

prepackaged;

go to the store, he said
and pick me up a bottle
of happiness
i hope they haven't run out.

a world devoid of natural feelings
black and white emotions
and any deviation
they have to pay for it.

wanting a one night stand?
an ounce of lust and some condoms
will do the trick
plus a willing partner.

feeling a little under the weather?
nothing better than a revitalizing cocktail
of happiness and hope
to brighten the days
(oh, no color there either).

outsiders view this mysterious world
how is it that these people live?
having no direction of their own
everything prepackaged and convenient.

it's not the way
life should be lived.

dandelion seeds;

close your eyes
make a wish
and blow the seeds away.

fragments of your thought
they carry it across
who listens to these dreams
who will grant your wish?

some are scattered and lost
others merrily float
oblivious to its surroundings
fulfilling its one and only purpose.

dandelion seeds
magical rituals
who will they reach?

autumn trails;

walk along autumn trails
steps clouded in light fog
leaves falling like snow
barely brushing upon the shoulders.

the crisp cool breeze
not too hot, not too cold
just right, said goldilocks.
a quiet place to contemplate
of whatever swims in the mind.

little critters and creatures
twittering and fluttering
a musical symphony accompaniment
to the rusting of shivering trees.

an earth trodden path
walked upon many, many times
seeing many, many individuals
each with their own story.

and now it is our turn
what mark will we leave?

little red balloon;

little red balloon
floating up in the sky
free and unhindered
unwilling released.

little red balloon
not helium filled
but with childhood memories
times far in the past
little specks of grain
glistening in morning sunlight.

hopes and dreams for the future unseen
precariously spanning the world
up, up, up it goes
higher and higher and higher.

whose little red balloon
is floating in the sky
catching the breeze for a faster ride
telescoping all below.

whose little red balloon
is far out of grasp
containing everything dear
the foundations of their life.

who else sees this little red balloon
baring to all like a birthday suit
no confines or covers
with which to shield itself.

little red balloon
where will you go?
little red balloon
when you pop
what will your memories be?

it was all in our mind;

it was me and it was you
we took a look at the view
and said
let's get away from here

and so we decided to take flight
floating above mountain skies
up so very high
up so very high

but we
never fell down from where we were
and we
could forget the things
that never mattered anyway

and so we decided to take flight
soaring above the sea so blue
we can almost taste the sight
of salty water grains

from here to there
we cyber-jumped from every point
taking in what we only read in books
our own fairy tale

and in the end we opened our eyes
to see that we didn't actually move
it was all in our mind
it was all in our mind.

god;

god
i used to believe in you
and then i didn't for a long time.
but now i am hanging in limbo.
i don't know who you are yet
i am slowly figuring it out
but i still have my doubts.

when in desperation
i call out to you
when i need someone to talk to
i seek you out.
but i still can't work it.

my mind and heart are at a cross-section
a fork in the road, if you will.
from a purely science point-of-view
you cannot possibly exist
as all phenomena can be evaluated
in black and white.
natural disasters do not befall humanity
because of a god's anger and displeasure.
it can be explained in scientific terms.

and let's not get started
on how old the earth is.

but from a spiritual standpoint
someone has to exist.
but there are many religions to choose from
and the question is, which is the right one?
aren't they all right, if only to have something to believe?

and if we are the product of a higher being
and we carry out their will
doesn't my indecision and uncertainty
stem from said higher being?
and wouldn't it mean
that atheists are atheists
because god made them so?

as you can see, god
whoever you may be
whatever you may be
this has made me run around in circles
my thoughts jumbled and in disarray
in trying to decipher the hieroglyphics.

but in the end
it is my own choice
as to who i believe you to be.
would it be wrong for me to make you up
and to mold you into how i think god should be?
or is that itself heresy
and must i pick one and only one
to base my faith upon that alone?

i do not know what to do
you really can be confusing.

look around at the world;

look around at the world
so vast the landscape is
topped with ice-capped mountains
and deep bottomless seas.

mountain ranges have had fifty million years to develop
and us, our human life-span stretches only seventy four years.

what does that make us?

we believe to rule the world
superior to any other living creature
which walks the planet.
the world is for our taking
and we relentlessly plow her resources
draining every last drop
until there is nothing left.

earth, before it was called earth
was around for many, many years
infinity is seems
compared to time as we know it.

history has made a mark
sometimes remembered, other times not.
but still, even that goes back
only a few seconds.

how insignificant our lives must be
in the eyes of the sun.
does the earth laugh at great discoveries
we appear to make?

it can all be gone in one-split-second
and all can be lost.
maybe earth has a plan for us
to exterminate the species that threaten her core.

a lonely little parasite that might be our demise
or a treacherous storm to drown us all.
and maybe after we are long gone
when all technology and destruction comes to a halt
earth will begin to rebuild itself
to foster that beautiful landscape we haphazardly destroyed
and renew its gloriousness.

and will we be allowed back, after another few million years pass?
or will we be completely lost in time
never again to come to existence?

maybe perhaps we will.
maybe we have already come back from eons before.
maybe this is a never ending cycle.
and maybe history will continue to repeat itself
over and over again.

the sun, it rises;

the sun, it rises
the same way it has
for many, many years

except for rainy mornings
with the dark clouds taking
the spotlight.

it is an ever constant presence
look up to the sky
and you will always find it.

even in the dark of night
the stars still glow brightly
the lighthouse to empty seas.

magnificent and brilliantly gigantic
in comparison to our small planet
but from afar and in solitude
it is a massive sphere of fire.

but still, even when the world is devoid of life
the sun will still make it marks
to announce the arrival of dawn
over and over again.

hold on strong;

hold on strong
it is all that you can do now
even when the world around you
crumbles to the ground.

evil lurks behind every corner
it watches the steps you take
and the dreams you make
infiltrating them to frighten you
and to make you succumb to its clutches.

you must always be on your guard
never let it falter
it may be the last thing you do
before you are taken over.

the light burns dimly
grows ever so slowly
but surely brightening
until it becomes a beacon of hope
a shining future to encapsulate
and shield the world
from those who live to harm.

let your heart grow stronger
and you can surpass the darkest of omens
to arise victorious
and end the black age of fear.

expendable life;

expendable life
no, there is no such thing.

each is precious
and worth the world to someone.
they are the apple of someone's eye
their hearts beat just as strong.

they should never be forgotten
especially by those who love them
even if the rest of the world fails to see.

show respect and be courteous
they are just like us.

heaven's eternity;

watching the world from above
the people going on with their daily lives
so close and yet so far away
almost able to touch them
but considered nonexistent.

all those years gone
the future she never had
the first kiss she would always miss
children and grandchildren she would never see.

stolen forever
lost in time
just a memory in the past
of a history spanning millions
just a drop in the ocean
a lonely star in the universe.

she never did choose this path
it just happened
out of her control
instigated by the one person nobody would suspect
until the end.

but in her little world
though separated from all she loved
peace and happiness was found
a calm serenity that envelops her
where no harm could triumph.

in her little heaven she could spend eternity.