I gaze into your beautiful eyes

I gaze into your beautiful eyes

As you glance up to me

Fragile and completely dependent.

The lovely curls that adorn your crown

Brushing gently against tiny ears

So soft as silk and precious as life.

The smooth dark skin upon your plump cheeks

An abrupt contrast to my own light skin

Pale as the moon against your chocolate hue.

The gurgles and coos that escape your lips

Ring like sweet music in my ears

A wonderful symphony.

I press my lips to your forehead

Kissing you ever so gently

Breathing in the scent of baby milk

and freshly laundered clothing.

You are most definitely not a product of my womb

You are most definitely not in possession of my genes

But nonetheless you are my own.

A mere number to the adoption agency

But a son born from my heart.

I have come to realize

I have come to realize

That I stress over the small things

When my energy should be directed

To something worthwhile ---

Something that has a greater significance.

Too many times I have overworked myself

Too many times I have overlooked that which is most important

Unable to clearly see the path before me

Blinded by preoccupations

And falling far behind.

Please, oh please

Help me avoid any eternally damaging mistakes

Help me avoid actions that may lead to regret

And a dull, aching heart.

I must learn how to curb my reverie

And focus on the task at hand;

I must learn to curb my passionate fury

And let bygones be bygones;

But most of all I need to learn to believe ---

Believe in myself and believe in others

For my perspective is not the only one present

But a combination of them all

Will lead to a greater outcome

Far beyond the mind of one;

And these issues and dire incidents in humanity

May possibly be eradicated

And open up a new world for us all.

A fist of anger

A fist of anger
That stirs at the bottom of my stomach
Frowning upon the perpetrator
That dares to threaten a peace.
Almost contradictory
This threat seems to submit
To the element that means no harm
But simply looking for life's pleasures.
Put it into terms of you and I
And I simply do not understand
Why every sign I see
Is met with disapproval and scorn
When I will not befall the same mistakes
That you claim to have made many years prior.
Trust me when I say this:
That I will not let myself falter and fail
That I will rise above the pits of Hell
And find my own way, on my own terms.
Allow me this simple pleasure
Of which you have always pushed aside
That ended beautiful things
That might have been.
Two that have meant something to me
Two that did not have the slightest infliction
But another one that is hanging by a thread
About to tumble over the edge
Forever lost in the foam of the sea.
Why do you hinder me
Why do you wish to control me
When I need to live my life.
As much as I love you, I despise you;
It hurts me to do so, but it hurts me more
Especially when you jump to conclusions.
Secrets I have sometimes had to hide
Because of knowing your reactions;
And when I do come out into the light
You come back with subtle yet vicious vengeance.
Please forgive me
For I will go against your wishes
Because I already understand
That there will never be a time when you will accept my decision.

a life spiraling out of control

a life spiraling out of control
unable to get a firm grip
on the steering wheel of life.
deadpan electric whispers
that reverberates through my being
my soul captivated by this darkness.
hush, hush
a mother's soothing voice
that calms these nerves of mine
to better see the world.
no longer hyperventilating
heart rate coming back to a normal pace;
pumping steadily
slowly
as a peaceful calm settles over my thoughts.

Running, running

Running, running
Feel the adrenaline pumping
though the miles of veins and arteries
within me.
A heavy breathing
That lets me know that I am alive
Sprinting across the open field
and through the wildflowers.
The radiating sunshine
Coats the world in light
to bring forth a calm
With the wind tumbling the leaves about.
The debut of spring
marks the opening of a new season
filled with so much beauty,
an introduction to life.
Running, running
Through the fields and across the brook
Having no destination
But simply being free.

This sad revelation

This sad revelation
Of how quickly the world can change;
One minute, ecstatically engaged
And then the next, abrupt disconnection.
How did we get to this position
Where awkward conversations
begin to stir
And every thing takes a turn for the worst.
Mind blanked out
Absolutely confused
At this hectic state of mind
That offers no relief.

It is time to let go

It is time to let it go
It is time to say goodbye
Another chapter in my life
Opening another door
For something I can hope
To hold dear and adore.
An aching heart I leave
When I said farewell
To your nervous pleas
Of which I could not answer
Draining down this empty sewer.
But understand I care
Much more than I can say
So this goodbye will be so hard to bear
But in my heart you will always stay.
Put it all away
Store it in a box
All these precious memories
That I can no longer face;
Let it all fade into this backdrop
That is called life.

I am wishing you were here

I am wishing you were here

That the sky would unfold

And drop you by the stream

Where I first met you.

I am wishing you were here

For many nights have been spent alone

Cold sheets that chill my bones

As clear as the day you left.

I am wishing you were here

To comfort me in my time of need

To brush away these burning tears

As every memory of you passes through my mind.

I am wishing you were here

Praying a thousand times over

To any God or Goddess that will listen

And hopefully answer my pleading screams.

I am wishing you were here

So many things I wish I could say

Of which I regret never speaking

Knowing that is now forever too late.

I am wishing you were here

Standing in the moonlight

Looking ever so elegant and serene

Dancing weightlessly on that beautiful stream.

I am wishing you were here once again

That death would surrender you into my arms

So that these sleepless nights no longer plague me

And you at my side for all eternity.

Lost in a world of confusion

Lost in an world of confusion

A twisted love

A torrent of lies

What truly does my heart say.

Flirtatious comments

Harmless and fun

But possibly, unwillingly alluring.

Mind is racing

Neurons of the brain working fervently

To untangle this mass of the unknown

Trying to unlock the answer that lies hidden.

Absolutely having not a clue

No idea of what to say or act

Give me a sign, give me a reason

Give me something that solves all my problems.

Sweet little girl

Sweet little girl

Take a look into the sea

Look beyond the horizon

Where the unknown lies.

Sweet little girl

Dry your tears from your cheeks

A smile should bless a face

As wonderful as yours.

Sweet little girl

Open your eyes to see

All the beautiful things

That sprinkle your fairytale dream.

Sweet little girl

Take a deep breath

Plunge into the darkness

And emerge victorious.

Sweet little girl

When you grow up

Into that confidant woman

Never forget your jubilant dreams.

Sweet little girl

When you die

Leave a most wondrous legacy

That your descendants can be proud of.

Sweet little girl

As you enter the pearly gates of your heaven

Remember all your little girl dreams

And finally make it into your reality.

Shy glances

Shy glances

And little smiles here and there

With a breathless air

That speak volumes.

From two completely different worlds

Two different species

And two different classes

One a beautiful queen, a human

The other a humble master, a satyr faun.

But on a shaky thread

These two souls tread upon

Walking from one end of the spectrum

To the equator.

Baby steps is a sure way to approach

Nothing pushy

Nothing rushed

But simply at a steady pace.

And finally

Two eyes locked in wonder

And two hands clasped gently

With a final kiss to top the sundae of love.

Ooh, this hungry craving

Ooh, this hungry craving

Deep within the carnal depths of my being

An agony that I cannot wean

Nor satisfy.

Another slice at my soul

The psuedo-blood that pours

Drip drop, drip drop

Painting a picture

That describes my mind.

The simplest of pleasures

Becoming my addiction

My very own heroin that I grow

With out anyone ever knowing.

A sweet taste upon the lips

This precious design that infiltrates

The fibers of my being.

A beautiful and dangerous concoction

That shall manifest within us all.

Inconsiderate brat

Inconsiderate brat

Ungrateful prick

The whole world revolves around you

Everything must be set to your liking.

But tough

The world is

And shit happens.

Act like a baby

Then deal with the consequences that arise;

Dare to insult

Then be prepared for assault

For sharp tongue from you will only bring about a poison

And a loss of something precious.

Stand up and hold your ground

Be a man and accept what is presented before you;

Do not let a foul attitude overcome you

Because it is quite disgusting to witness

And sickens me to the very core of my being.

Every pessimistic word that comes from your mouth

Makes me roll my eyes in disbelief

And wonder how a f0ul mind

Marked the surface of the world.

Never satisfied until the axis the world spins on

Becomes your body, mind, and soul

And quite frankly

An inconceivable and dangerous proposition.

Maybe you truly do not understand your own nature

Or the way you come off of to people

Maybe we are all blinded by our own lack of judgement

You, the world, and I alike

Or perhaps you take upmost pleasure in your pompous attitude

Loving the feeling of holding the higher ground

When you yourself have miscalculated the leap from the mountain.

You think you are fucking God

And hold the answer to every truth;

Instead, the truth does not lie within you

Your only truth is your own opinion

A tyrant of your own soul.

You try and turn yourself into the victim

And push away the one in true agony

Letting your priorities shift

So that your boredom is above another's pain

With no regard or thought for others;

And the best part is

You try to make up for it

And insist that inside you are good

And that your intentions are noble

And that you truly care.

The only thing anyone can smell in this suspicious circumstance

Is utter bullshit;

But do not fret

Because you will get your own like you have for your entire life

Alone and miserable

Lonely and depressed.

You believe the world is against you

But take a closer look into the mirror

Stare into your own eyes

And realize the truth within

That you yourself are the only one at fault.

Numbing of the senses

Numbing of the senses

My weakness

At the scent of this sweet drink.

A beautiful array of alcohol and ginger schnapps;

A divine drink

My ambrosia.

A lullaby within my veins

That lulls my mind to a halt

Slowing down each thought

And relishing this peaceful moment

A sleepy haze that casts gently

Over my nodding head

My gentle smile that caresses my lips.

And I can almost grasp the concept

Of self-induced peace

That although my liver is screaming against

My mind relishes

And takes comfort within.

I love you

I love you

I love you

I love you.

I have not even met you

But the very thought of you

Is an addiction I will never let loose.

Your very being excites me

Placing me in a world where all I know is pleasure;

Your beautiful face

Which I have not yet seen

Brightens the worst of my days.

And a little voice in my head

That tells me everything will be alright

That unconditional love is a possibility

And that you are the apple of my eye.

I long for the day when I can finally hold you in my arms

When I can finally gaze lovingly into your eyes

And know that you need me to survive.

I cannot wait for you to be a constant in my life

For your existence means the world to me

And will prove I have something to live and die for.

Everyday I pray for that moment

When your lips part and gently whisper

"I love you Mommy."

Staring at the mirror

Staring at the mirror

A face that everyone knows

A career to be desired

But a life never to be envied.

Her very waking hours

Are a part of her job;

Keep her face smiling

Keep her turmoils buried

And strut on the heels

As if she owned the world.

One wrong impression

And an image is destroyed

Devoured by the press

Digging a deeper hole.

A lack of privacy

Everything naked and bare

Every past mistake dug up

And set for display.

A dream that brought temporary delight

And enough dough

To never have to knead the work force again.

But having the designer bags

The racy cars

Magnificent mansions

And all the fame and glory

Could never replace

What a normal person takes for granted;

A private life

No worries for tiny mistakes

And being able to take a breather.

So she takes a look in the mirror once again

And sees a girl reaching out for help

But no one to turn to

Having to hide behind that beautiful smile

That made her a star.

Stop fooling yourself

Stop fooling yourself

Look in the mirror

Take a stand

Take a pause

And look around.

What do you see

A facade that no one cares

And trying to prove

That you are somebody

That nobody cares.

All I simply wanted

All I simply wanted

Was to hold you in my arms

And to keep a piece of your heart

Where I needed it the most.

Reaching out into darkness

Wondering when you would grasp

My inviting hand

That so desperately longs for you.

A single tear that trails

Seeing an empty world in the darkness

And I look at my sneakers

Clench my fists

And force myself not to scream.

I wanted you so badly

I wanted so badly to push away

Our platonic relationship

And allow a romance to blossom.

But it had never began

It was never meant to be.

Staring at this open book before me

Staring at this open book before me

Diagrams and words combine

To blur in my unfocused vision.

A million thoughts run a marathon through my head

And not a single one of them centered

On what desperately deserves my attention.

Half of my being is in a panic state

No calming of nerves;

The other half is cool and suave

Having not a single care in the world

Having nothing to worry about.

Final exams, quizzes, tests

Schoolwork that beckons me

Though I resist with every fiber in my being;

That is my downfall, this procrastination

Relishing in neither satisfaction

Nor sorrow.

Any diversion from the task at hand

I will gladly accept

Although in the end

I shall regret

Everything that I should have done

That never got complete--

Or at least not until the last minute.

Put my head on the desk

Close my eyes

And simply sigh.

A blur of red light

A blur of red light
Flooding the scene before me
Stuck in a sea of cars
In this idea called traffic.
Impatiently tapping the steering wheel
Music cranked up
Singing along
Although my focus is on getting home.
I poke my head out the window
Seeing the never ending lanes
Packed like sardines
One next to another.
An exasperated sigh
Glancing at the clock
Ten past eight
And in the same god-forbidden spot
That I was in five minutes earlier.
And then alas!
A slow yet undeniable
Inch by inch we start to tread
These cars around me and I.
A hope that I will reach my destination
That I will not be stuck here
Where horns honk in petty anger.
Thank you, thank you
I see my exit.

It is late at night

It is late at night
And I cannot sleep.
Your face lingers in my peripheral vision
No matter how much I try to banish you into the darkness.
Tormenting me over and over again
Taunting me and luring me into your arms
I cannot forget your face
I cannot erase your voice.
I can only simply scream and weep in frustration
Knowing that no matter how much I wish to have you here
You are not mine;
You never were and you never will be.
I simply have to watch you from afar
Despite how close you will be
Unbearable proximity
Driving me absolutely insane.