can't turn back the clock;

you can't turn back the clock
even for all those wasted years
separated and distant.
that is the way of life
unpredictable at its very best.

can amends be made?
can we start anew?
for the most part
no is the answer.
in certain circumstances, maybe
and with certain people, yes.
others are left just where they are
where they have been
since the beginning of the end.

always hiding behind the wall;

always hiding behind the wall
it's her backbone
her infrastructure
her protector
from everything in the world
it is her sanctuary.

large and small stones
her sacred wall in composed
and in each stone holds a key
a note, a memory, a wish
it is the mosaic patchwork of her soul.

and every time she needs to escape
from the reality that deems to much from time to time
to her stone wall she runs
it is her own version of a harry potter pensieve
where she can come and lay her thoughts and feelings to rest.

so that when she reemerges back into reality
she may do so with a clear conscious
a clean slate
with all the confidence she's ever had.

tiny little break;

mulling over a hot cup of coffee
a comfortable silence
amidst the busy world outside.

people talking
children laughing
cars honking
dogs barking
chaos at its very best
in the early hours of a weekday morning.

but a closing of the eyes
opens up the worlds within
where peace is a dominating force
calming the nerves, heightening the senses.

sometimes it's just that tiny little break
that everyone needs in their lives.

insignificantly small;

we are so insignificantly small
and yet, we believe to stand tall
higher than the mountains around us
reaching the skies
we think we can touch the moon
and move the stars.

but look around

the vast beauty around us

that we never take the time

to stop

to listen

and to see

not with our eyes, but with our heart.

we are caught up in our busy lives

a revolving door that never ceases to slow down

and let we let everything else pass us by

in a blur of color, sights, and sounds.

stop and breathe

the world is so much bigger

than we can ever hope to understand

it's majestic crown of beauty

that we can only ever hope to dream.

stop and breathe

before it's too late

and you forget what it is like to live.

[inspiration: The Mountain: Terje Sorgjerd]

who will i be today;

it's like dancing on either side of the court

two cards to play, depending on the situation

my ace and my jack, black jack perhaps.

which one will benefit me

which one will have me excel

it all just depends really

but i have the choice.

two halves of one

different from each other

and unfortunately

far more identified with only one.

the other has been left in the dust

like a long forgotten toy

abandoned in the farthest corner of the attic.

but still, the options are there

waiting for me to take my pick.

who will i be today?

restart life;

excuse me

where is the reset button?

i am in dire need of it

so it would be great

if you could just tell me now.

i've searched high and low

far and wide

and it is a futile search.

do you have the treasure map

where X marks the spot

and lies my beloved restart button.

please, i will barter with the devil

i will give him my soul

if only you will tell me

even a whisper.

seriously

let's have our do-overs

don't tell me

you haven't wished to restart life.

when did it happen;

when did it happen

when did it all begin?

we shed out childhood jubilance

our care-free days and mindless wanderings

of lazy summer evenings and afternoon naps.

when did we step out of our comfort zone

and enter the industrial lane

to become working zombies of society

where 40-hour work weeks become our future.

when did we become adults

making salaries, paying mortgages, and raising families

where did we find the strength

to stand our own two feet.

because i myself feel trapped

lost in a limbo of in-betweens

it seems almost impossible

to imagine the future described.

i will never be ready

and i almost don't want to be

but my strangling grasp on the past

is beginning to wane and become futile.

whether or not i want it

i will take my place in society

and i will have no choice but to continue moving forward.

it is times like these;

it is times like these, that i hate him more

a burning fire deep within

never quite extinguished

ready to flare up at any moment

if only given the opportunity.

it tears me apart

to see what life has done

and all i want to do is blame someone

so i blame him, my go-to scapegoat.

he did and gave nothing

the perfect escape.

i will never forget.

i will never forgive.