I gaze into your beautiful eyes

I gaze into your beautiful eyes

As you glance up to me

Fragile and completely dependent.

The lovely curls that adorn your crown

Brushing gently against tiny ears

So soft as silk and precious as life.

The smooth dark skin upon your plump cheeks

An abrupt contrast to my own light skin

Pale as the moon against your chocolate hue.

The gurgles and coos that escape your lips

Ring like sweet music in my ears

A wonderful symphony.

I press my lips to your forehead

Kissing you ever so gently

Breathing in the scent of baby milk

and freshly laundered clothing.

You are most definitely not a product of my womb

You are most definitely not in possession of my genes

But nonetheless you are my own.

A mere number to the adoption agency

But a son born from my heart.

I have come to realize

I have come to realize

That I stress over the small things

When my energy should be directed

To something worthwhile ---

Something that has a greater significance.

Too many times I have overworked myself

Too many times I have overlooked that which is most important

Unable to clearly see the path before me

Blinded by preoccupations

And falling far behind.

Please, oh please

Help me avoid any eternally damaging mistakes

Help me avoid actions that may lead to regret

And a dull, aching heart.

I must learn how to curb my reverie

And focus on the task at hand;

I must learn to curb my passionate fury

And let bygones be bygones;

But most of all I need to learn to believe ---

Believe in myself and believe in others

For my perspective is not the only one present

But a combination of them all

Will lead to a greater outcome

Far beyond the mind of one;

And these issues and dire incidents in humanity

May possibly be eradicated

And open up a new world for us all.

A fist of anger

A fist of anger
That stirs at the bottom of my stomach
Frowning upon the perpetrator
That dares to threaten a peace.
Almost contradictory
This threat seems to submit
To the element that means no harm
But simply looking for life's pleasures.
Put it into terms of you and I
And I simply do not understand
Why every sign I see
Is met with disapproval and scorn
When I will not befall the same mistakes
That you claim to have made many years prior.
Trust me when I say this:
That I will not let myself falter and fail
That I will rise above the pits of Hell
And find my own way, on my own terms.
Allow me this simple pleasure
Of which you have always pushed aside
That ended beautiful things
That might have been.
Two that have meant something to me
Two that did not have the slightest infliction
But another one that is hanging by a thread
About to tumble over the edge
Forever lost in the foam of the sea.
Why do you hinder me
Why do you wish to control me
When I need to live my life.
As much as I love you, I despise you;
It hurts me to do so, but it hurts me more
Especially when you jump to conclusions.
Secrets I have sometimes had to hide
Because of knowing your reactions;
And when I do come out into the light
You come back with subtle yet vicious vengeance.
Please forgive me
For I will go against your wishes
Because I already understand
That there will never be a time when you will accept my decision.

a life spiraling out of control

a life spiraling out of control
unable to get a firm grip
on the steering wheel of life.
deadpan electric whispers
that reverberates through my being
my soul captivated by this darkness.
hush, hush
a mother's soothing voice
that calms these nerves of mine
to better see the world.
no longer hyperventilating
heart rate coming back to a normal pace;
pumping steadily
slowly
as a peaceful calm settles over my thoughts.

Running, running

Running, running
Feel the adrenaline pumping
though the miles of veins and arteries
within me.
A heavy breathing
That lets me know that I am alive
Sprinting across the open field
and through the wildflowers.
The radiating sunshine
Coats the world in light
to bring forth a calm
With the wind tumbling the leaves about.
The debut of spring
marks the opening of a new season
filled with so much beauty,
an introduction to life.
Running, running
Through the fields and across the brook
Having no destination
But simply being free.

This sad revelation

This sad revelation
Of how quickly the world can change;
One minute, ecstatically engaged
And then the next, abrupt disconnection.
How did we get to this position
Where awkward conversations
begin to stir
And every thing takes a turn for the worst.
Mind blanked out
Absolutely confused
At this hectic state of mind
That offers no relief.

It is time to let go

It is time to let it go
It is time to say goodbye
Another chapter in my life
Opening another door
For something I can hope
To hold dear and adore.
An aching heart I leave
When I said farewell
To your nervous pleas
Of which I could not answer
Draining down this empty sewer.
But understand I care
Much more than I can say
So this goodbye will be so hard to bear
But in my heart you will always stay.
Put it all away
Store it in a box
All these precious memories
That I can no longer face;
Let it all fade into this backdrop
That is called life.

I am wishing you were here

I am wishing you were here

That the sky would unfold

And drop you by the stream

Where I first met you.

I am wishing you were here

For many nights have been spent alone

Cold sheets that chill my bones

As clear as the day you left.

I am wishing you were here

To comfort me in my time of need

To brush away these burning tears

As every memory of you passes through my mind.

I am wishing you were here

Praying a thousand times over

To any God or Goddess that will listen

And hopefully answer my pleading screams.

I am wishing you were here

So many things I wish I could say

Of which I regret never speaking

Knowing that is now forever too late.

I am wishing you were here

Standing in the moonlight

Looking ever so elegant and serene

Dancing weightlessly on that beautiful stream.

I am wishing you were here once again

That death would surrender you into my arms

So that these sleepless nights no longer plague me

And you at my side for all eternity.

Lost in a world of confusion

Lost in an world of confusion

A twisted love

A torrent of lies

What truly does my heart say.

Flirtatious comments

Harmless and fun

But possibly, unwillingly alluring.

Mind is racing

Neurons of the brain working fervently

To untangle this mass of the unknown

Trying to unlock the answer that lies hidden.

Absolutely having not a clue

No idea of what to say or act

Give me a sign, give me a reason

Give me something that solves all my problems.